this is a short but hopefully sweet one...i have to travel occasionally for work - its not super far - but just far enough that i usually leave the night before....so here i am, as usual, feeling somewhat guilty for being away from the boys, and yet at the same time enjoying having a few drinks with my friends from work.....its the few drinks part that will make this short :)
like everything else i struggle with, WORK is hard - and i know.....that's why they call it work....i get it. its interesting because i never really considered having a career once i had kids - i always just had WORK - those jobs i did to help pay bills, but with no real future.....and i find myself at the ripe old age of 40, teetering on the edge of a career....and i'm having a little bit of trouble embracing it...... i know that i will - it's not in my nature to NOT.....but it seems like i need some time to put it in the proper perspective....and obviously with jake leaving for college next year, i NEED it....it's just taking some time for me to wrap my head around it.....
and as much as i LOVE being on a team in the sports arena, being on a TEAM for work is very different - we do have the same goals in a long range kind of way, but its not like there is a win/lose at the end of the day.....and i find i'm WAY too opinionated after all of these years NOT really working for anyone else :)
its another growing pain for me - and who knew i'd be having more growing pains at 40??? how do you look at the place that you are in and learn to love it - even if its not the place you envisioned?? i'm not totally sure - but it's my challenge for the next little bit.....i'm lucky i have a job - that's on the verge of a career......and that i can contribute to the "let's send the kids to college" fund.....being a mom isn't always about the things i thought - being a mom is about getting the job done.... in whatever format is needed.....
The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work. Richard Bach
that's the challenge....i dont consider any of my fundraising or lacrosse stuff work - i dont consider anything i do for my kids work....i dont consider exercise work (usually)......and it IS honestly all work.....i just dont look at it that way....so maybe if i stop looking at my JOB as work, and as the opportunity that it is to make things easier and better - it will stop feeling so damn hard :)
hows that for philosophy at 2:15am :)
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