The art of love... is largely the art of persistence. ~Albert Ellis
i can remember the year my parents celebrated their 25th anniversary. we had a nice party and my sisters and i put together a crazy video/picture project that included home movies (reel to reel, no less), some audio recordings and a ton of really old photos that we gathered from just about everywhere. it was a super cool VHS when we were finished, and i think we were all pretty proud of it. what i KNOW we were impressed with, was what i took to stay together that long. my parents are incredibly different. and i never really got what it was that kept them hanging in there all those years. aside from the fact that they were committed to each other. and stubborn, i guess.
Love must be as much a light, as it is a flame. ~Henry David Thoreau
as i celebrate 21 years tomorrow, i realize that i'm just now starting to get it. 20 years seemed like the big milestone in my mind. but really, 21 years is where i really am figuring it out. which is totally crazy. my marriage is not perfect, by any means. it has been pretty typical i would guess for a couple that met in college and had kids really young. lots of ups and downs. luckily a lot more ups than downs. but it has not been a bed of sunshine and roses. i have made mistakes. some pretty big ones. and i imagine kris feels the same way. we both have been selfish at times and put what we wanted over what was best for us. we have had a million ridiculous fights over things that did not matter one single bit in the long run. but we are still here. together.
Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand. ~Emily Kimbrough
i think i used to believe, like with everything in life, there was a magic place or number that i just needed to reach. once i got "there", it would all be easier, or make more sense. i just needed to keep it together long enough to reach it. what i learned this year, was that i'm already there. i probably have been for awhile. i just didnt know it.
Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow. ~Swedish Proverb
nothing has changed this year. not one thing. every single thing we used to fight over is still here. tuition payments, lacrosse, the boys, the gym, softball, housework - you name it. all the petty crap that filters into our day to day will always be here. what happened to me in this last year was that i FINALLY stopped expecting it to. maybe its because i can see so clearly in the boys as they get older that "wishing" thing in action. if only i get......, then i will be ok. that path is the one that leads to discontent. maybe there is something to the older and wiser thing after all.
its interesting to me that this is the first year i wasnt trying to reach any kind of milestone. i wasnt anticipating my 20th anniversary. or waiting to get a new job. or wishing for kris to be less involved in cclc. aside from jake turning 21 (which was super fun btw), this is just another year for us. and in not anticipating these big giant things to happen, what DID happen was that i found this really cool place. i'm calling it "there".
No road is long with good company. ~Turkish Proverb
what "there" means to me is that i have a great life. and i'm finally present for it. yes, bad things happen. i fight with my husband and my kids. im still bitchy when i feel like it. i still work 2 jobs. all the stuff that used to drive me crazy. and now it just doesn't. which is so amazingly freeing. because at the end of the day i have kids i've done my best to raise. they arent perfect. but i love them just the way they are - flaws and all. and i'm lucky enough to still have their dad as my best friend. we dont like to do the same things. we dont like to watch the same shows (except GoT). we have completely different senses of humor. he is a neat freak and i'm a slob. he is lax and im baseball. and its totally FINE that we are different. its this COMPLEMENT of personality that makes it work.
"We are shaped and fashioned by those we love." — Geothe
i have finally, 21 years later, stopped expecting kris to change. and vice versa. i will always be totally ocd and going in a million directions. my house will always be a mess. i will take on too many projects and spread myself too thin. and he will always work for afma. he will always coach lacrosse and totally ignore me during the season. and he will always hide in the bathroom (boys!). BUT. and heres the big thing.....he will always have my back and i his. he will always stand with me in support of my boys. and he will always support me, even when he doesnt really want to - and i him. and he will always always be happy to sit on the beach with me. in that we are totally, 100% copacetic.
Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
and THAT is what has made 21 so much better than 20. this seems like the best place i could be. the small stuff is easier to get over. the big stuff seems more manageable. because the rest of my life only gets shorter at this point. the years we have left together very well could be shorter than the ones behind us. i honestly dont regret anything about our lives together because it got us to this exact point. and this point, HERE, is truly the very best place i could be.
If there is a day to act on the Love in your soul it is today, it is this moment. ~Mike Dolan
i love you kb. thanks for putting up with all the crazy for the last 21. and here's to hoping the next 21 are just as crazy :).
