lights out

“Don't measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability. ”
― John Wooden

 

i just wanted to take a minute tonight to give a great big shout out to all the kids who played in the laplata/westlake lacrosse game.  and here's why.....as a county we are very new to lacrosse....and laplata has had the advantage really in that kris is an excellent coach, he has great knowledgeable help and a youth league to feed his program....this has all taken a ton of work on his part, but is clearly paying off in the speed at which we are catching up to the rest of the area....westlake is another story....they are a football school, with no lacrosse support, an inexperienced staff and no feeder program....clearly they are not progressing at the same rate - and honestly have been taking a beating from all of the other teams so far....it can NOT be a ton of fun to play lacrosse for westlake at this point....

 

but you know what - they came out tonight and NEVER GAVE UP....they played the game to the best of their ability - and they played it cleanly!  very easily they could have resorted to the frustrated urges to start hitting....but they never did....they just kept playing as best they could.....and i have A TON of respect for them....its easy to be on a winning team....it takes REAL CHARACTER to be on a losing team.....and these kids deserve to be recognized.....they played their hearts out - and played in such a way that you found yourself rooting for them....to me there is nothing better that can be said about an underdog...you WANT them to be successful.....don't get me wrong, i still wanted my boys to win :) but i wish nothing for westlake but that they continue to get better and that they dont lose their spirit!!

 

i also have to say that i am proud of laplata....you know going in when you are playing a weaker team -sometimes its hard to rise to the occasion, and often young men have a tendency to gloat or rub it in when the score gets out of hand....but tonight i didnt see any of that....the kids recognized that westlake was hustling and trying.....and while i cant say it was a "good game", i can say it was well played, on both sides.  there was no showboating, or excessive celebration....there wasnt a mad quest to add to the point total....the starters didn't overdo it and everyone contributed....again to the best of their ability....they took good shots, not just ANY shot....and with an inexperienced goalie it could have been much worse....

 

and the very best part...NOT ONE PENALTY for hitting or cross checking....a couple of procedural penalties at most...it was the CLEANEST lacrosse game i have seen in forever.....and i hope that everyone out there that was watching understood just how far lacrosse has come in charles county.....because guess what?  our skills may not be the best, but we are no longer playing "football" with sticks.....and the rest will come!!

 

“Success is peace of mind in knowing you did your best.” ― John Wooden

 

the game ended with an apparent accident that took out a transformer....one minute we are playing lacrosse in a well lit field, and the next its pitch black.....and do you know what happened?  NOTHING.....the kids joked around a bit and eventually, when we realized the lights were not coming back on, they walked off the field together.....no drama, no craziness....just a group of young men with their love of this new sport in common....its games like this that show us the best in athletics.....and how sports can unify a community......what we are learning along with lacrosse is that sometimes playing a sport isnt about us and them...because we are all a part of the "us".....

 

 

sometimes i think we need to look for the things that make us the same, instead of the things that make us different...if we can manage to teach our kids THAT, then we are really doing something good.....

 

 

 

 

 

grocery lists and where im going wrong

ok there are things i feel pretty good about as a parent.....i think my kids have their priorities in order and are as dedicated to school as they are to sports....and i really really love that about them ALL....today was one of those days where you look at your kids and think - wow, they really are doing some great things.....i went and watched josh's team at mesa competition break their balsa wood bridge - which was very fun.....and we got yet another letter in the mail from another university about summer study programs for luke and his engineering brain....AND we got jake's preliminary SAT scores.....really a very gratifying mental day at the bayers.....i love knowing that my boys are using their BRAINS along with their athletic gifts.....and where we are watching it just start to emerge with josh, we are really seeing the fruits of all the studying and preparing pay off for the older boys....and i realize once again how lucky i am....

and THEN i find myself at the grocery store at 10:30 at night.....mostly just me and the cleaning crew hanging out at safeway and i have the ridiculous realization that while my kids are all super cool, i am totally reinforcing the stereotypical gender roles in my house....i do all shopping and food prep (what little there is) in my house....all i really ask is that the kids throw stuff on a list as they realize we need it or run out of it....not so much to ask really in the grand scheme of things - and i will admit that dinner prep has always always always been my plague.....as much as i love to eat, i hate the whole PLANNING of dinner, especially at 8 in the morning when i'm trying to figure it out....but i digress.....i get to safeway tonight and pull out my "list" (you will see why its in quotes in a second" and this is what is says:  ranch, choc milk, chips, parm cheese, toaster strudel, pb, razor blades, toothpaste, grape jelly, hard pretzels, dinner, veg, fruit, 75 w bulbs, almond milk......REALLY????  is there ONE ITEM on there resembling actual food? and we literally have a fairly empty fridge....these are the things that are important - by handwriting.....jake only cares about chocolate milk and snacks....kris doesnt actually eat food, except for pb and j and pretzels.....josh just wants to make sure we have toaster strudel....and luke doesnt add anything because he is like me - he will find something to eat with whatever is in the house.....

so as i'm walking around putting those lovely items in my cart and looking to fill in the blanks with that dinner stuff that is my reminder to myself that we need actual food, i run into the only other person in safeway, with a cart full of JUNK...and all i can think is "yes, i came out at 10pm at night because we are CLEARLY OUT OF POTATO CHIPS"....awesome

many of my friends have heard me gripe over the years about not being able to lose weight....not that i think i am morbidly obese or anything, but id like to trim down a few or 10....and it strikes me that i will never be able to as long as i shop like this!!  THIS is exactly why we are overweight as a nation.....and i'm the poster child for irony!!  i actually KNOW that its wrong to eat like this and yet i do it anyway because its EASIER!!  i know that my family is so far from the cleaver sit down dinner that its almost unrecognizable.....at BEST i cook some kind of meat and throw together a salad or veggie....i dont cook anything that comes out of a box (unless its a cake or pasta :)....so in that way, i feel like i'm somewhat teaching them a better way to eat....but the fact that we eat out or order in 70% of the time is disheartening at best and truly sad at worst....and when your primary shopper has the appetite of a teenage boy and is actually feeding teenage boys, you have a recipe for disaster....ugh!!

the good news is that they are young and active and can afford to eat like crap....even tho they shouldn't....the bad news is that you never outgrow your taste for potato chips or ice cream.....i am hoping that maybe luke will invent something that makes spinach TASTE like potato chips!!!  then all the worlds problems will be solved :)

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.  ~Mark Twain
Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.  ~Doug Larson

spewing venom

this is me today....in a nutshell....by now i'm sure you have all realized that i am either incredibly moody or slightly bipolar....i'm not sure which myself - all i know is that the older i get the less patience i have for ridiculous bullshit....

i was out of town for work yesterday and most of today (which of course contributes to the lovely mood)....and i rushed home to make it to my  kids first home lax game....and the first thing that happens, after the water bleeds thru my chair and gets my ass all wet (which is super attractive) is that some woman starts yelling for her kid, and only her kid, every 6 seconds.....ironically his name was jake....and he was very good - but i absolutely can not stand parents who only cheer for their own kid...if you ONLY want to yell your kids name, please put him or her in a NON team sport....or wrestling....or swimming - something where it doesnt make you sound like a complete jackass to only be cheering for your kid....now of course i have to move....because, much like lou ferrigno, i can  FEEL myself getting ready to lose what little control i have.

the game goes on, her kid (who IS really good) takes a hard shot from one of our kids....which isnt exactly awesome, but IS a part of the game....i know this because i have had to watch MY kid (who is also really good) take those same hits.....defenders get frustrated....well, this woman literally screams for our kid to be ejected....loses her  mind...and WAITS FOR HIM AFTER THE GAME like she was going to actually retaliate....and i have mixed feelings...mean deni would love to see this teenage boy beat her ass....but nice deni just wants to say - if your kid cant take the hit, maybe he shouldnt play....neither of those is actually nice, but seriously?  you are playing a competitive contact sport.....and this parent is contributing to this kids sense of entitlement by singling him out constantly...guess what - if you notice that he is really good, then the kids are going to notice too....and do their best to shut him down....just like if i had the chance id shut that woman up id take it....and probably not in such a nice way either.....but supposedly i'm older and wiser!!

i just wonder why we are incapable of seeing the big picture....we act  like OUR KIDS are the only ones who ever get pushed or shoved or hurt or picked on.....or conversely stand out or score a goal or excel.....everything is relative....EVERYTHING!  gain some freaking perspective!! 

after this lovely experience, we got home and had an irate parent call because her 15 year old son was accidentally left at practice.....this is after an email went out cancelling practice, AND the VOLUNTEER, 20 year old coach went to the field anyway to try to catch the parents who didnt get the email....THESE PARENTS just dropped their kid and left....he went to sit on a swingset....the 20 year old did not see him after he packed up the equipment and took it to his truck....so he left.....which is unfortunate no doubt.....however, her reaction was to call and LAMBAST this coach, and in turn call here to do the same......to which my very nice husband smoothed things over and apologized.....and to which i say STEP THE FUCK UP!!  dont accuse a 20 year old who is volunteering his time and who has no ties to any of these kids of PURPOSELY LEAVING  A KID BEHIND BECAUSE HE HAD BETTER THINGS TO DO....really?? id say his "better things" include taking the time to coach YOUR KID when you clearly cant be bothered to even sit at practice!!  is that harsh?? absolutely .... do i sit at my kids practices anymore? nope....have my kids been left at a practice before? YUP...and who's fault was that?  MINE!!!  i am so freakin tired of everything being someone elses fault....there is no such thing as personal responsibility any more....and that starts with us as parents!!  i'm just so tired of it all!

this is when i reach the point where i want to pick up my toys and leave....the sheer amount of time and energy it takes to deal with PEOPLE sometimes just wears me out!!  and when i get to this point, you really need to stear clear.....if that chic that called and yelled at my husband had been within arms length tonight, someone would be pressing charges....and i so do NOT have a physical temper....i have a yappy temper (obviously)....but i am seriously at the outer edge of what i can deal with in terms of ungrateful people and their bullshit.....

so next year, when i am NOT running this league (and neither is my husband), it will be interesting to see if anyone steps up....because i'd say there arent alot of other people out there that want to deal with the parents of 250 kids - most of whom cant even be bothered to watch a practice....we will see how it goes when EVERYONE just starts looking out for THEIR OWN kids.....this is what kills VOLUNTEERISM.....you try to do something helpful and worthwhile and after awhile people just suck the life out of you....

so i would say the next time any of you drop off a kid somewhere where someone ELSE is volunteering their time, maybe rather than BITCH about the way they are doing things, you maybe just go up and say thanks for taking the time!

this is my favorite quote from a few good men.....it sums up EXACTLY how i feel about this stuff.....

"I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way".....obviously we are not talking about the same thing here, but the sentiment remains the same....if you dont like the way things are going - in sports or in life, then stand up and do something about it....YOU be the change...dont bitch at me until I change if for you.....cuz believe me sister, that aint happenin!!

trivia and skewed facts

Squirrels forget where 50% of the nuts they’ve hidden are. - interesting facts website

98% of statistics are made up - author unknown

i took the day off yesterday because i was ridiculously tired (and fell asleep on the couch again) AND because i was contemplating whether or not to go down this road....but i figured why not?  everything cant be sunshine and light....and this is a topic that is near and dear to my heart...because its one i struggle with almost daily in how to TEACH my kids to be openminded...to gather the FACTS BEFORE passing judgment...not to just jump on a bandwagon, however tempting....we are supposed to be smarter than that....we can't let the outspoken minority, or even worse a media with an agenda, make those decisions for us....this jumps out at me all the time in the political arena....but with this trayvon martin case it makes me want to jump out of my skin....we as a culture RUSH TO JUDGMENT based on our GUT feelings....if something SOUNDS wrong, then it must be wrong!!  but what if we dont know the whole story???  what if NO ONE knows the whole story??  and why is the media so quick to jump on a NEGATIVE bandwagon??  i know negative sells, but it is so detrimental to our society as a whole!!  and something with this kind of racial undertone is subversive AT BEST!!  at a point in time when our economy is struggling, and we face the reality of mulitple military engagements AND we are looking at an incredibly significant election, the media chooses to rally around this ONE homicide......not that it isnt important or significant.....but so is EVERY SINGLE OTHER HOMICIDE that does not get any media attention....

so what's the point?  where do you go to get UNBIASED information??  why can't those in the spotlight use their power for good?  to unite, not tear apart?  when will get to a place where political agenda takes a back seat to DECENCY and HONOR??  how can we raise our children to treat each other as equals when their parents cant?  and often dont want to? 

we are supposed to be the original melting pot, right??  i can't purport to love everyone the same, and i can honestly accept that i do judge people....but i would like to think that i dont judge them based on race.....maybe because where we live is so racially mixed and i have grown up playing sports and going to school with all manner of skin colors....and i can laugh with my "brown" teammate about her being the "token" on our team....just like we can give our redheaded irish coach shit.....i have mad love and respect for PEOPLE....and i can laugh at their quirks, even if they are cultural, just like i can take it when they laugh at mine.....does that mean i dont see color?  of course not....but color is not the issue on which i judge.....you can be an asshole in every color.....you can choose to be the equivalent of your culture's lowest common denominator, again no matter what COLOR you are....you can also be the best of the best....no matter your COLOR!

No human race is superior; no religious faith is inferior. All collective judgments are wrong. Only racists make them.
Elie Wiesel

it belittles us as a country when the issue of COLOR is what our "talking heads" choose to rally around?  why not ask why there seems to be a need for a community watch in this neighborhood?  or ask how many UNDERAGE homicides are committed each year?  or even better, use this horrible tragedy to figure out HOW we can TALK TO EACH OTHER ABOUT RACE.....it is not an issue that is going away....the fact that our president felt the need to take time away from his rather significant real duties to weigh in on this situation is ABSURD and just goes to show how much power the media has over our everyday lives!!!

so where does this leave me other than ridiculously frustrated with the bandwagon mentality of our country??  no where but where i've always been... except that i feel its more important than ever to talk to my kids HONESTLY about race....because guess what?  we are different.....we come from very different places culturally in some cases....we have different idioms and vernacular.....just like the italians and hispanics, right??  but somehow because their COLOR is not so different and because we did not specifically subjugate them, we can call them names and profile them without remorse....its just so messed up.....this is my example for today:  we went and saw hunger games last night.....and the theater was packed....luke ended up sitting next to a black woman who often showed her reactions to the drama onscreen out loud.....why mention this?  because (spoiler alert) when the young black tribute saves the girl from district 12 he says its for what she did for the other girl who was killed from his district....and when he said that, the woman sitting next to luke just went "mmmhmmmm" with a head nod....like HELL YEA  he did...it was  priceless!!  and adorable, and funny......there was absolutely nothing negative about it, except for the fact that it COULD feed into a stereotype....which is RIDICULOUS!!  i love a good strong, loud, opinionated woman no matter her color....but i LOVE a black woman with a head nod and a finger wag....that does not make me a racist.....its just a cultural quirk..... in the same way my 100% irish father in law can use and abuse all the "italian" quirks in rochester....its not an insult...its just a difference - and not all differences are BAD - and they shouldnt be made to seem bad!!

does racial profiling exist? yes it does.....was trayvon martins killing tragic?  absolutely......was it a racially driven hate crime?  i have no idea....and neither does anyone else at this point....we have to let the legal system do its job....and make sure that the correct information is put out there so that we can stem this newest tide of racial separation....

If the human race wishes to have a prolonged and indefinite period of material prosperity, they have only got to behave in a peaceful and helpful way toward one another.  Winston Churchill

its our job to at least TRY to leave this a better place for our children.....this means not only TEACHING tolerance, but practicing it as well....and its time we as individuals demanded better from our talking heads....the only agenda anyone should be pushing at this point in time, and all the time is this:

"We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

....you know, from the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

now as a woman should i be offended by that?  or should i just take it in the spirit in which its meant??  come on people, gain some freakin perspective and stop trying to make things worse than they are!!  we can nitpick and twist words all day long...we can make facts and figures mean anything if given enough time....its only when we stop with the agendas and start looking at the bigger picture that we will have any chance of peace and unity.....that and teaching our kids to look at each other as equals.....equals with differences, but equals nonetheless.

 

a day in the rain

not a long one today.....i guess the biggest thing is that youth lacrosse is finally underway....and we started it off with a bang....and not necessarily a good one :)

we drove an hour and a half to stand in the rain pretty much all day....which is really not fun....but i have to admit it WAS fun to watch all those kids enjoying themselves today....and its also super fun to watch all the parents of the first time players....they dont know the rules, but they are SO ENTHUSIASTIC!!  it really is re-energizing to see how much everyone loves it.....and it takes the sting out of the endless hours of planning and the minor gripes that we deal with in organizing......so all in all, a really good day!

but i'm EXHAUSTED...you wouldn't think standing around all day would do that, but WOW, it sure did!....it was even more fun because jake and luke coached for the first time - its so cool to see your kids take an interest in the younger kids....and it gives them a different perspective on the game as well...you can't tell a bunch of 12 year olds that its just a game, or that their effort and hard work make a difference if you dont believe it yourself!!  it reinforces all the things we've been teaching them all these years....and passes it to another group of kids....paying it all forward!!  and i absolutely LOVE it. today was a day where the boys literally made their own sunshine!!  and mine too !

No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind
action leads to another. Good example is followed.
A single act of kindness throws out roots in all
directions, and the roots spring up and make new
trees. The greatest work that kindness does to
others is that it makes them kind themselves.

~ Amelia Earhart

the other funny thing about standing in the rain all day is that i didn't have a whole lot of time to obsess about my hair....and i was surprised every time someone came up and complimented my haircut...people are so nice and supportive....and not that i dont expect people to be nice, but i do love that it always goes further than that.  i'm lucky to be surrounded by wonderful people....who take the time to help a friend, like with the sinclairs, or to just say something nice when you are having an off day...support comes in all shapes and sizes (round 2).

A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be.  ~Douglas Pagels

before i lose my nerve

yup .... there it is...or isn't, depending on your perspective.....back when tiff was first diagnosed with cancer, we had the "it's only hair" conversation.....SURE i'll cut my hair when the time comes IF the time comes when you have to!!  now i know me cutting off my hair is not nearly the same as someone going thru chemo losing theirs.....i guess its just more the point of solidarity....support comes in all kinds of forms, helpful or not.

so today was that day....kris got a text that said tiffs hair was starting to fall out - and that tomorrow morning she and her cousin are doing the deed up in rochester.....and i literally started to PANIC....omg, did i actually say id cut my hair???  because while i have rocked short hair in the past, i was YOUNGER (a) and skinnier (b).....and like most women i know, i LOVE my hair - even tho i almost always wear it in a ponytail :)....and i literally can NOT imagine what it is like to face knowing its falling out....i know in the grand scheme of things its only hair.....and those fighting cancer have bigger battles -but its still a tough thing to face - because you literally SEE it every time you look in the mirror....so chopping off my hair seemed to be the least i could do, even tho i vanely did not want to.....

It's not vanity to feel you have a right to be beautiful. Women are taught to feel we're not good enough, that we must live up to someone else's standards. But my aim is to cherish myself as I am.   Elle Macpherson

this is the challenge right? to accept who we are on the INSIDE and not judge ourselves or others by what we see on the outside.....and for most of us our hair plays a big part in that....its a shield really that protects us from too much scrutiny....and when you dont have it, you feel more exposed....BUT there is also the FREEDOM that comes with letting it go....now obviously i did NOT shave my head, so please take this with a grain of salt.....what i am trying to say is that by shedding that layer, it makes you look at yourself differently.....and actually LOOK for the things that truly make you beautiful....and while your hair may be ONE of those things, its certainly not the ONLY thing....

do i feel prettier with long hair?  yes i do.....but i feel STRONGER with short hair.....more in control and decisive.....short hair is powerful - it says i dont care if you think i'm pretty, because i dont need your approval....or at least it tries to say that....sometimes it just says, put on some damn makeup and maybe some earrings!!  but it usually means "i got this"!

and u know what?  i dont need to be pretty....i mean its nice and all - we all WANT to feel attractive - but CONFIDENCE and strength are also beautiful - you just need to alter your point of view....and i'm not going to lie....if i was braver, i would have gone alot shorter - that just shows you where i am right now -and its interesting for me to know that about myself...because clearly i SHOULD have the confidence to just shave it off.....but i'm  not quite there yet!  at least i still know i'm a work in progress!!

but i'm getting there!!  and you know what?  i actually like the direction im going in.....because i DO have this.....and what makes me beautiful is not my hair....its all of the other things that make me ME....and like everything else, i'm gonna take this new hair do and figure out how to ROCK IT....because THAT my friends is what i DO!!  and THAT is what makes me feel beautiful!!

and to everyone out there who has ever gone thru chemo and lost your hair - you will ALWAYS BE BEAUTIFUL because you CHOSE TO FIGHT!!!  and THAT is true beauty....the courage to face your fears and come out on the other side!!  you all ROCK!!

 

a sweet victory

“The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.” - jimmy johnson

well the season has officially started and it was a big day in our house....in a lot of houses, i'm sure, but this one in particular....you see kris and jake share a birthday week - their big days are only 4 days apart - and since we celebrate birthday "week" at the bayers, there is always some overlap.....and in the last couple of years, this has been the first week of lacrosse....which has come with some challenges.....so THIS year, jake is healthy (finally), a captain, his brother is on the varsity team with him and all he wants for his 17th birthday is to open the season with a win.....no pressure or anything!!

not to bore you with the details, but suffice it to say THEY DID IT!!  this was such a great win for the team, but more importantly it was a psychological win for those boys....they proved that they had it in them to FIGHT to the end to bring home the WIN!!  this is something they struggled with last year, as a team.....they just couldnt seem to FINISH in the close games.....its like they didn't feel like they deserved to win, so they just couldn't close the deal.....and i am SO HAPPY to say that a different team showed up today.....one that perservered......and overcame.....and kept fighting!!

Winning is not a sometime thing; it's an all time thing. You don't win once in a while, you don't do things right once in a while......you do them right all the time. Winning is a habit.
Unfortunately, so is losing. - vince lombardi

why is this so important?  not only is this a great sports lesson, but its a great life lesson.....because we all know that sometimes its just so much work to FINISH the job.....so we don't....or we slack off at the end...or we give up......but that's because we forget what it feels like to WIN....to FINISH the job.....the sense of pride and accomplishment in NOT GIVING UP is so huge!!  and if it takes a sports victory here or there to hammer it home, then so be it.

“The greatest accomplishment is not in never falling, but in rising again after you fall. ” ― Vince Lombardi

 

i know this is the biggest lesson that i ever learned in sports.....and one that has always carried me thru.....and for jake he has had his share of challenges in staying healthy.....its so easy to say "what if"....what if i hadnt gotten hurt? what if we had scored one more goal?  what if we had brought home that win?  but the reality is that all of those things are the hard part...they are the falling down from which you have to rise.....and its the RISING that builds character....and ultimately makes you STRONG!  if nothing is ever difficult, then there is no PRIDE in the accomplishment....but when you have to struggle, and persist, and push yourself to new limits, you DESERVE to be proud....and realize just how far you can go!

 

as i sit here typing (waiting for jakes banana bread to be done baking), my son turns 17....and he got his WIN for his birthday!!  and as i look back over his amazing young life, i realize that i am most proud because he truly does pick himself up every time he falters....he faces adversity and challenge with the drive to overcome and succeed.....i'm truly the luckiest mother i know to have such wonderful kids - and to be able to watch them become incredible young men is the best reward i can think of.....i cant believe its been 17 years.....they havent all been easy, but they have all been absolutely worth every second.....and all of the challenges we've faced along the way only make being here, right where we are, so much sweeter!

 

 

 

irons in the fire

i know i've said a million times already that i am very good at starting things - but not so great with follow thru....i'm not sure exactly why this is, except maybe its just the way my brain works.....i see a very clear path on how to get something up and running, but once it is, i just dont know what to do with it.....i think that must be why i always have so many things going on - because i START a lot of stuff....i wonder if theres not some great job out there for me where i just have to START things up - make sure they are up and running and then hand them off to the people who need to run them....THAT would be a good job for me.....any ideas out there???

anyhow, my latest greatest of course stems from my revitalized desire to get back in shape.....and took off running today because trish decided she wanted to get tattoos made for the warrior dash like the super cool 13.1 tattoos we got this weekend....so that ended up with us starting our "CREW".....and the southern warriors were born.....well that and we needed a name for our TEAM RELAY in the baltimore marathon....THAT should be a hoot!!  i absolutely ADORE this logo because it combines all things sports related for me....of course team southern, and my laplata warriors - and luckily for me the warrior was trish's idea (for the warrior dash) so i can't say its ALL about me :)  but i still love love love it....and if i have my way, several of you "non" runners will be sporting some southern warrior gear before the summer is over !!

the irony is that as soon as i start something new, something old falls by the wayside....and this week i decided to actually get back on the working out wagon....now you might argue that training for the half marathon qualifies as working out, but i mean like GYM working out....lifting things heavier than laundry.....and let me tell you - i am SORER than you can possibly imagine today!!  like it hurts to raise my arms sore....and i have had to carve out some time to go to the gym....and of course research runs and challenges, etc....SO, i got a whole lot less work done tonight than i usually do....which is okay i guess, but it is just so funny how my priority list is always in a state of flux!  at any given moment, what i do at night runs the gamut from work work, to lax work, to fundraising work, to side job work, to house work, to extra work (like hello, birthday week) and then maybe, possibly the gym!!  but i think taking a break from the gym has made me appreciate it more.... and hopefully carving out time for it will be a good thing....because i have signed up for a buttload of stuff this summer and fall that will require me to be in some kind of shape, that does not include having the couch cushion outline on my rear end....

in that same vein, i am going to attempt to drag some people with me....hence the crew!!  i love that trish and wyatt jumped right on board.....and we even got kris to agree to do a leg of the team relay in october.....the tough mudder will be a harder sell - but like anything else, the more people you have to help you and encourage you the better....so for all of my friends out there who are looking for motivation, lets use these challenges to get moving!!

There are really only two requirements when it comes to exercise.  One is that you do it.  The other is that you continue to do it.

secondarily we will have to address the whole DIET thing....which of course is the WORST!!  i crack myself up because I ALWAYS think if given enough time, SOMEONE is going to figure out how i can eat all the bread i want AND STILL lose weight....clearly that is not happening....but it doesn't stop me from wishing for it.....and i continue to seek advise from people who i KNOW are going to tell  me all the stuff i already know....i have the same credentials they do and am actually in the middle of my nutrition certification (you can stop laughing anytime)...i KNOW the right answers....i just cant make myself stick to the plan.....but i am actually going to give it a serious try....at least for the next little bit.....it seems like a bigger waste to let all this running stuff go to waste!!

this is all just a part of the larger journey....how to make all the pieces of the puzzle fit together in a way that is both productive and satisfying at the end of the day.....i have to remember that i'm lucky that these are choices i get to make, and that i'm super lucky that i get to drag people on this ride with me!! 

so almost 3 months into my "intention", i'm still feeling my way....but that's okay - i'm realizing that we are all just trying to make it all work in the best way that we can....and that there is a huge support network out there for almost everything, if we only have the courage to ask for help!!  it may not always be easy, but it IS always doable!!

as for me, i'm just going to keep plugging away - and doing all the stuff that strikes my fancy when and where i find it....its working okay so far, and everything i dont get done today will get done tomorrow....or at some point anyway :)  the good news is that the laundry is done for the next 30 seconds or so :)

cleaning out the closet

okay so i'm not EXACTLY a hoarder, but i don't like to throw things out.....i have every school paper my kids ever did until at least the 5th grade....shoved in bins in my attic, that we will never look at again, but somehow i felt guilty if i threw them out - like i didn't value the work they were doing or something....ridiculous but true.....keeping that in mind, i have a billion t-shirts that have some kind of sentimental value (or maybe they just MIGHT fit again) all over the place....and so this is what happens - i do laundry, i throw it on my couch .... eventually i fold it and put it in piles - again, on my couch (if you actually come to my house and there is NOT laundry on my couch, you should feel very important because we picked up for you).....after the couch, it makes its way upstairs to various FLOORS, where it sits while we pick thru it until it goes BACK into the laundry....so basically everything that is in my drawers is rarely if ever worn!  so i decided that i would actually go THRU my drawers so that i could put my clothes AWAY and start the cycle over from scratch.....my mother of course is HORRIFIED by this process, but there you go....

SO, in going thru all my clothes today, i realized that i have weird priorities and that i need to stop buying crap that is on sale just because its cheap and i MIGHT wear it one day.....because guess what.... i WON'T!  lesson number one.  lesson number two - i need to stop holding onto shorts that i  bought for the HALF HOUR that i was that size ONCE.....i dont see my ass getting progressively smaller ever again....so its time to let those go!  and lesson three....no matter how many articles of clothing i own, i wear the same maybe 10 outfits over and over again - everything else i have is just "occasion" wear....sad - because when i have an occasion, i probably will end up shopping anyway.....duh!!  probably the funniest thing is that by the time i actually went thru the last drawer, i probably threw out some stuff i actually like and wear, but by that time i couldn't care less!!  seriously, what is wrong with me that i have NO attention span whatsoever!!  but obviously i have no problem staring at LAUNDRY until the end of time!! 

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.  No one else cares.  Why should you?  ~Erma Bombeck

this is probably only made worse by the fact that i grew up in a house where NOT ONE THING was ever out of place and the only place you EVER saw laundry was for about 30 seconds after it came out of the dryer before it was put away - folded and probably ironed.....i think i wore the same shirt to high school once like 3 days in a row because it was always on top when i opened my drawer...and i'm absolutely not kidding.....how i ended up being the queen of the laundry pile is beyond me.... but there you go.....and my mom never ran a half marathon....so we just have different priorities.....and believe me, she definitely thinks mine are f'd up!! but there you go.....and my mom never ran a half marathon....so we just have different priorities.....and believe me, she definitely thinks mine are f'd up!!

of course the next step in this "going thru my clothes" process has me lamenting about the 17 different sizes i have all over the place.....now i'm the first to admit that i like my clothes to be big - i can't stand it when my pants are tight and all that, but clearly i'm as vain as the next person because i am holding on to some SMALL stuff that will NEVER fit this body again...and that's not a negative, its just the truth.....at one point in my life, my JOB was to work out....i worked at a gym....i was fit with a capital F - and consequently a couple sizes smaller....i dont see those days coming back any time soon .... and guess what, IF they do, i'm gonna celebrate by BUYING NEW CLOTHES!!  right?? so anyhow, i threw out a bunch of stuff today and made myself feel like a giant fat ass in the process.....and after all my glory from running yesterday, too.....

which led me to my next "LIST"....it deserves all caps because this is the list of my activities i'm signing up for this year.....i guess i'm still riding the high from the run, but compounded with the "holy shit, i'm NEVER fitting into those shorts again" realization of the day, i figured i may as well get a plan together to keep me motivated.....and if any of you are interested in any or all of these things, let me know - i do plan to put together a "non" runners club - for those of us who feel compelled to run, but will never break a 10 min mile - or a 12 min mile for that matter - i'm calling it an experiment in non-intimidating motivational fitness....we will see how it goes, but like anything in life, it helps to have goals AND a support system.....so here we go :

april 15 - 1st annual LP Lax 5k

may 5-6 - avon breast cancer walk

may 12 - great urban race

may 20 - warrior dash

june-aug SOFTBALL - the steel lillies 5k will be in here somewhere

sept 9 - tough mudder (and yes, i bagged on this last year.....dammit, i still feel like i need to do it....any takers??)

oct 13 - baltimore marathon -TEAM relay

nov 17 - turkey trot 10k

dec 1 - annapolis half marathon (this one im not so super sure of yet.....i dont know if i need to run ANOTHER half this year, but i'm leaving my options open)

as you can see, i've decided that by the time im 41, i will no longer feel like a giant fat ass - its just a year later than i had originally decided :)  and its not totally about the fat ass thing, as you know - but if keeping myself moving helps with that cause, i'm all for it!!  its funny because my mom was flabbergasted that my half marathon was not a fundraiser.....like there was no apparent reason to her for me to do something so ridiculous if it wasnt for a good cause....and i've decided that the "good" cause all this running is going towards is the NO GIANT FAT ASS cause!!  hows that?  i'm kidding....mostly, but i'm allowed to have a selfish motivation for some of this, right?  i feel like i'm going to continue to do my part for the greater good, and i'm all about a good fundraiser....but sometimes we have to do things because they make US feel better - and sometimes we just have to do them to prove a point.....





it takes all kinds

today was a very interesting day in several ways....the first being that my wonderful hubby turned 40....FINALLY - so i get to stop listening to the 40 year old jokes alone!!  i appreciate that he was a good sport and encouraged me to do my run, even tho it was on his actual birthday - he's a good guy like that (as you all know)....

the second is that i ran my first (and maybe only) half marathon - you'll notice i said maybe, right?  the reason for the maybe is because today i feel like i was exposed to several enlightening moments...about myself mostly - but also about people in general....and i think that may be worth a revisit....i also am not sure i want to let all this training slip by the wayside, but that's going to take a lot more thought - today i could be riding on my "high" of accomplishment - we will have to see how i feel tomorrow morning when i attempt to get out of bed :)

ok so the day started at oh-dark-thirty this morning....as i'm trying to walk off my anxiety and stay warm - and try not to stress about the fact that the girl i am running with is 8 inches taller than me and 11 years younger  - please dont let me slow her down, or throw up, or have to walk...because we all know that if i have to walk i will NEVER start running again....i'm the turtle - slow and steady wins the race and all that....and i am surrounded by all these thousands of people who look completely comfortable about running these 13 miles - and most of whom are in COSTUME of some kind....i have never seen more green tutus in my life!!!  hilarious - and i will say gave me all kinds of stuff to look at while i was running....but probably the most notable thing i noticed while i was running is that there really is no "type" of runner....i have always looked at myself and thought i'm just not a runner.....and that is a load of crap....because let me tell you that i saw people of all shapes and sizes KICKING ASS running today....skinny, fat, short, tall, muscular, dumpy, old, young .... you name it - they were running today - and most of them were running IN FRONT of me!!

"There are clubs you can't belong to, neighborhoods you can't live in, schools you can't get into, but the roads are always open."   - Nike

there are a zillion people out there every day who run BECAUSE THEY CAN....i always assumed i was not a runner because it doesn't come easy for me and because i dont especially like it - probably because its not easy!!  but as i looked around today at all these sweating people, pushing themselves to their limits, challenging their bodies to give MORE, i realized that running doesn't have to be easy for you to be a runner!!  it helps if you are a competitive runner, but really anyone can run for the accomplishment.....and i dont know why i never thought about it before .... i mean anyone can play softball - just because you may not be good at it doesn't mean you can't play - you just shouldn't play with the crazy ass competitors - running is no different - i should not enter any races with the expectations of winning....its not my area of strength - but that by no means precludes me from rising to the challenge....now the decision becomes do i actually WANT to do it again??

for the first time ever i understood what my roommate meant when she said you find a place when you run where everything else just goes away.... i wont say i found that kind of zenlike understanding today, but i will say that i was MOVED by my run today....as silly as this sounds, i was fighting back tears for the whole first 2 miles - mostly because there were so many people around me running FOR things - shirts dedicated to friends, survivors, military - families pushing those with special needs in jogging strollers.....these runs MEAN something to so many people - they are not just exercise....and for me, it was a very meaningful day....i can't tell you how many times over the years i have uttered the words "there is no way i will ever run a half marathon - my knees can't take it".....it was my all over cop-out when approached to run or train - and i honestly would never have even considered it had it not been for laura.....and then once the whole idea of the steel lillies came about, of course i no longer felt like i COULD cop out - not when so many others who WANT to run, really can't!!  and then an amazing thing happened......i actually felt proud of myself, for the first time in a very long time i did something that was DIFFICULT for me - and i did it well!!  i actually rocked it - well for me, anyway!!  i not only ran all 13.1 but i beat my goal time by 8 minutes - and i felt STRONG for the first time in a long time!!

"If you run, you are a runner. It doesn't matter how fast or how far. It doesn't matter if today is your first day or if you've been running for twenty years. There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get. You just run."
--John Bingham

i realized today that ANYONE can be a runner, even me..... i dont have to like it or be good at it - i just have to DO IT....apparently nike had it right all along....the requirement for ANYTHING is that you JUST DO IT!!  profound realization from an ad slogan!!!  and while i am sorry i tortured my husband on his birthday with spectating a run (boring) and a 3.5 hour ride home (awful), i am happy that he was there to see me finish....i may not be as light or cute or muscular as i was at 20, but dammit i'm more determined and STRONGER in all the ways that count at 40!! and maybe, just maybe i'll be rocking these races at 60 -like so many of the incredible people who passed me today!!

INSPIRATION is everywhere, if we only take the time to look!!!

"I run because it's so symbolic of life. You have to drive yourself to overcome the obstacles. You might feel that you can't. But then you find your inner strength, and realize you're capable of so much more than you thought." --Arthur Blank

this is a philosophy i am trying to adopt... in all things....i just have to keep moving forward - learning my lessons as they come and creating positive activity.....one day, one moment, one experience at a time :)

the difference a day makes

sometimes it just takes a change of scenery to change your outlook....absolutely nothing has changed in the big picture since my rant on thursday night....except that yesterday we left town - we are spending 2 short days in virginia beach for kris' birthday and so that i can torture myself with this half marathon....but just getting out of town for a minute is enough to make you "reset".....its just a breather in the run, run, run of our everyday lives.....its unfortunate that we cant take this time for "no reason"....because it would be MUCH more relaxing if the prospect of the run wasnt lingering....

altho, i have to say either way its been so nice.....i may not feel this way tomorrow, but today is good :)  in the grand scheme of things, i think NEXT YEAR we will plan to run the 8k today so we can party on st patricks day...as opposed to NOT really indulging on st pattys day - doing it this way was the more challenging AND more mature way to go, but i have never claimed to be more mature....and i have enough challenges :) ok, i'm mostly kidding - but we were seriously talking about how we NEVER go away unless there is a reason....i travel for work or softball - or like this for a once in a while thing, but we never "go away" just to do it....its like we cant justify taking the time away without a good reason....when the good reason enough should be SANITY...

my next "resolution" is going to be AWAY time....even if it is scheduled around a run (which i hope is NOT the case), or a challenge....but really i'd like to just pick a weekend and do it....for no reason - because its necessary to me being a nice human being...a grown up TIME OUT...the world will not end - all my work will still be there - but maybe i will feel better about it after taking a moment...i'm hoping that's the case anyway....

tomorrow is kris' 40th birthday - harass him if you know him - and my first ever half marathon - big days in different ways....i know for lots of reasons i will try to spend my 13.1 miles being grateful for everything i have been given and for my ability to continue to meet these challenges.....so, here i am going to bed at 8pm on a saturday night, in hopes of doing right tomorrow in tribute to laura and kathy and tiff and aunt bobbie and all the other amazing women who have inspired me....wish me luck!!!

Life is a challenge, meet it.
-Mother Theresa

---

expectations

“A weakness of all human beings is trying to do too many things at once.” ~Henry Ford

i am a living breathing example of that right there!!  i would go so far as to say if you could peek into my mind (which would not be pretty), what you would see would be endless lists and complete chaos.....and its really funny if you compare what you THINK you can handle versus what you can ACTUALLY handle in any given day....i'm realizing my lack of sleep is directly related to the amount of STUFF i promised myself i'd get done before bed, which absolutely NEVER happens....and then i "escape" by reading.....which i love but really just puts me an hour or two behind....

and i have come to the conclusion over time that while i am a really exceptional big picture thinker (yes, thats a pat on the back), i am a terrible detail person....the MINUTE i have to read or review something i have already moved on from, i absolutely can not concentrate on it.....i want it DONE and i want to MOVE on....i have absolutely ZERO attention span....which may be why i find running such a challenge - because there is NOTHING ELSE TO DO while i'm doing it!!  its impossible to multi-task while you run - so in reality i SHOULD embrace it.....but alas, i can confidently say that after all this time that is not going to happen!!

now i have not REALLY addressed lacrosse in my blog because a) i have very little nice to say about it and b) aside from watching my kids play it, i really have come to hate it - oh wait, maybe those are the same things....and i finally realized why tonight....because i never get to MOVE on....there is no break - this job is NEVER done.....and i just dont function well in that place.....it has very little to do with the sport itself - and of course my husband is the second coming for bringing it single handedly to charles county, blah blah blah - but you can not possibly understand how much of my life revolves around lacrosse.....what i will say is that i am very much looking forward to watching jake and luke play together for the high school this year, and am super proud of lucas for overcoming the odds and proving that he deserves to be on varsity as a freshman!!!  - and josh's team should also be super fun to watch......so its not ALL negative...but aside from that, i got nothin.  and i feel terribly GUILTY about that....because the 4 other people that live in this house absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE it....eat sleep and breathe love it....so for me to not only not enjoy it, but to dread it absolutely blows.....

now that's a seriously negative point of view - influenced certainly by the fact that i am STILL trying to get the youth league schedule finalized at 11:40 on the thursday night of a very long week....and its been hanging over my head for months.....and is a complete pain in the ass....so on another day, lacrosse is fine -  and i appreciate the space to rant.

so how did this come up? well as usual, i plan out my night so there is no "wasted" time, right?  and i have this crazy run coming up and its a beautiful day, so i decide to RUN after i drop josh at practice....and i immediately ran into one of my favorite people who just happened to be planning to walk during her daughters practice....so we got to catch up....LIVE and IN PERSON....and as we are talking we of course touch on the subject of pressure and expectations....how our kids are growing up with so much WEIGHT on their shoulders from such an early age, and about how they cope.....which leads to how you measure success - and she made a beautiful point....that it really doesn't matter what you did in high school or where you went to college to be successful - if you have a good heart, and gather friends, and take care of those around you, then you are successful.....at which point my son says "well, as a PERSON"...and i realized that we ALL are guilty of that....we think of success on LEVELS....work/school, family, financial - oh and are you a good person.....and it seems the older we get,the more those things reverse in importance....but to the younger generation, they still equate success with going to a good school or getting the right job - and THOSE ARE important things....but they cant replace being a successful PERSON....

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty or failed to express it; who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction.  ~Bessie Stanley, 1905, commonly misattributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson

this picture for me epitomizes what i hope equals success.....these young men attended honor society induction and then ran back out to lacrosse to coach the youth teams....they are bringing their LOVE for this sport to the next generation and VOLUNTEERING their time to do it.....but at the same time they are showing their respect for learning and priorities.....and commitment - good boys doing good things.....all the beginnings of long lasting success....as PEOPLE.....

if for no other reason that THEIR love for lacrosse will i stop being such a whiny baby about it....because it is so amazing to watch these varsity players spend time with the younger kids, to pass along their knowledge and passion for the game....and they can't do that, unless  i do the annoying behind the scenes stuff ...ultimately its a trade off, but clearly a good one - sometimes i just need a reminder....and maybe to stop trying to do everything all at once!

Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours.  ~Swedish Proverb

(maybe i should have that tattooed on my forehead)