-Angelica
i remember a time when i was actually a parent who knew what her kids were doing.....we had play dates with friends, and only watched tv shows that were appropriate and educational.....UNLIKE the rugrats!! its a huge issue in my house that i wouldn't let me kids watch rugrats until they were like 10....and of course, by then it wasn't cool anymore. and why wouldn't i? because ANGELICA was just SO MEAN!! right?? was i the only one who didn't want my children exposed to THAT?? of course i was completely delusional, but that's a whole nother story!!
jake and luke give me a hard time because josh gets to do so much more than they did when they were little.....and of course they are right....i mean i had them to learn from right? and where i could pretty much control the environment when the older boys were young, now i have an 11 year old who is constantly surrounded by teenagers.....and boy is that a completely different situation than when they were that age!! don't get me wrong, i am so happy that i was able to make those choices for my boys....and i think they are wonderful kids.....but it is funny just how different josh's childhood is from theirs.....
my favorite example....when jake and luke were little, we didn't say HATE or STUPID - because those were not nice words and they had no idea that there were worse words......josh clearly DOES know that there are worse words....so really, do i care if he says hate or stupid? not really - i still dont like it, but i have bigger fish to fry....josh is not allowed to say ACTUAL cusswords....and for a while buttface and jerkwad were frowned upon.
my second favorite.....jake and luke had NO guns or weapons....ZERO...nadda...ZIPPY - i was TOTALLY anti- weapon, and in all honesty seriously resisted buying games like modern warfare when the xbox came out.....no mature, shoot-em-up games here....HA - that lasted like 3 days.....and boy was that a slippery slope....it went from teen rated shooter games, to m rated shooter games - to a 10 year old OBSESSED will call of duty!! how did i lose all control of THAT?? and then of course, my next mighty FALL.....josh's obsession with nerf guns ..... perfectly normal - they have giant nerf wars all over my house and in the neighborhood - no big deal....THOSE guns are bright ORANGE for heaven's sake, right?? until they start spray painting them to look like real guns....or camoflauge.....and start making movies re-enacting the stupid video games....
We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. ~Stacia Tauscher
or i can look at it like this.....my kids are all very different....and so i am I.... i am not the same parent today that i was 10 years ago.....all the things i've learned, basically thru trial and error and experience, i can apply now. do i think i was wrong then? nope.....do i think i'm wrong now? only on my bad days :) when jake was a baby i had all the time in the world....and he was my whole focus.....and clearly i was a little obsessive about his interaction!! when luke came along, i was a little busier, but they were so close together that it all kind of ran together.....and not too much needed to change.....but not soon after that, technology really started to change....the kinds of information the kids had access to, and the kinds of games they could play became totally different.....and when josh was born, i will be the first to admit, it totally threw me over the edge......2 was doable - 3 was hard....i didn't have enough hands or time anymore.....and while it's been a total hoot - it was definitely different.....calm and in control deni, turned into perpetually late, hair on fire deni.....and here i still am today !!
would i change anything - not on your life.....but there is absolutely no question that i am at least superficially a completely different parent to josh.....but i hope that it's all the little stuff - what shows he watches and games he plays are really the least of my worries.....hopefully i am teaching ALL of them to have compassion for other people, to work hard, to try to do the right thing....to be kind, have a sense of humor.....and play well with others.....i hope that WHERE IT MATTERS i have managed to be consistent.....but of course only time will tell. in the meantime the older boys will continue to shake their heads at me while i sit on the couch watching death race with josh (its editted, come on)!!
i went thru a phase where i repeated to myself pretty much daily - "im doing the best that i can, and thats all i can do".....as long as i feel like that's true, then i guess i'm doing ok!! it will be a hoot i'm sure when the kids are old enough to look back and tell me what they really thought about their childhood.....but for now, im gonna just keep doing the best that i can!!
this was on a plaque in our kitchen when i was growing up....and for some reason it has always resonated with me....it was true then and is true now, i believe
Children Learn What They Live
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with jealousy, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with impropriety, he learns to feel shame.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement he learns confidence
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
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