40 is not the new 21

this is technically sunday nights blog (so i guess we will get 2 today :)....because in all honesty, after a day of WATCHING skiing, then superbowl and finally THE VOICE (my fav), i was just too damn TIRED to stay up and blog!!  and how freaking sad is THAT!!  i will also add that it's difficult to THINK in a room with 4 other people in it, much less 4 smelly boys - so that didn't help either!! and did i mention that my kids can argue about ANYTHING....the tv is too loud or too bright or on the wrong channel, the room is too hot or too cold, somebody is hogging the blankets or god forbid FARTING under them!!  the list goes on and on.....its been a ridiculous weekend of brotherly love, wet clothing and lost gloves!!

"I'm not 40, I'm eighteen with 22 years experience."  

I can say unequivocally, that statement is both so true, and so NOT true!!!  watching the group of boys that are just about 18 GO AFTER LIFE, i realize that while i certainly enjoy my life and my friends - i dont really GO AFTER it like i did when i was 18!!  in some ways, i guess that's where the experience part comes in....when the boys said "hey, we are doing a shorts run" all i could think was "boy, that's gonna really hurt if they fall"!!  when did i become THAT person??  i'm glad i can honestly say i didnt say it OUT LOUD, or discourage them in anyway....i hope i haven't quite reached that level of old and crotchety yet...but DAMN!  10 years ago, i would've come up with the idea!!

its funny to me because there are days when i think, yup i've still young - i've got this....those are the days when i play 7 softball games, or go for a really long run, or teach 2 spin classes, or throw a great party.....and then there are those days when i feel like i've turned into my grandmother!!  like pretty much this whole weekend, when i can't relax, and keep waiting for someone to get hurt....or go for a run UP HILL and want to pretty much crawl the whole way!!  what makes one thing so great and the next thing so painful??  i'm saying 40!! 

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.  ~Victor Hugo

this is it EXACTLY!!  i spend so much time with the young chics that i play ball with, that sometimes i think i'm younger than i am......and then sometimes when i spend time with them i feel 100!!  it's such a cool and interesting age....and i know age is just a number blah blah blah - but 40 IS a milestone - it's definitely a place we mark our lives - where are we, where are we going....have we done what we had hoped to do by now?  and where do we go from here?  for me, obviously i'm at a very introspective place - somewhere i would not have been able to be at 18....i've found that i'm still a worrier, but now its a worry for the boys, not so much myself.....and i find i don't look back with regret- i love WHERE i am, and the people who have come along with me.....and its true, i worry less about the little things....like my gray hair and my weight - i am happy with myself as a person - the kind of acceptance that ONLY comes with age.....but i'm finding that i want to maintain the EXCITEMENT i see in my kids - for new experiences, new friends, new places.....and i feel like i've settled in the same comfort zone OUTSIDE as i have INSIDE.....it's an interesting realization.....while i can still be totally psyched about a midnight softball tournament, i totally stressed about skiing....theres no real reason for it.....i wish i was totally psyched for BOTH!!

so that's next i guess - trying to be open to experiences outside of my comfort zone....and maybe not looking forward to ONLY those vacations that include the beach :)  and while i may not completely feel 21 or 18, i still have a lot left at 40!!