all thru the night

one of the things i love the most about playing softball after all these years, is that it allows me to have my own "thing".  for the 6 or 7 years i didn't play when the boys were little, i started to slide down that slope of living vicariously thru my kids sports......which is super easy to do, especially when you are competitive yourself.  and what i have found in the years SINCE i've started playing again is that i can be COMPETITIVE for myself!!  i can still support my boys and be enthusiastic, without pushing them to WIN for me....  they need to want to win for THEM...not because their crazy mom pushes them to.
i cant say thats the only reason i love playing....i love my team - and i love HAVING teammates....it's one of those things you never outgrow....having a group of people with common goals and interests, outside of your family, is just fun.....and for me its a fabulous outlet .... i get to go places i would never go (like nowhere, NJ in the middle of the night), and have a REASON to get away.  i  dont know how many other people can relate, but the GUILT of being away from my family is always there - and so i would NEVER take any time for myself for no reason.....softball has given me a reason to take that time....and i appreciate it so much.....its a few hours on weeknights, or a weekend here or there where i get to go be DENI....not jake or luke or joshs mom or kris' wife or the lacrosse league lady....its MY time....and i love it

The essence of sports is that while you're doing it, nothing else matters, but after you stop, there is a place, generally not very important, where you would put it.  ~Roger Bannister

what makes this so true for me is that while i love to win (dont get me wrong), once the game/tournament/whatever is over, i am perfectly happy to go back to being all of those other things......is it fun to win?  absolutely....it certainly makes driving 4.5 hours up and back from NJ a whole lot better.....but for me that's only a part of it.  i love that i can come home and sit down with luke and kris and talk about all the silly things that happened - and that they understand and appreciate it for what it is.....just like i listen to them talk about their sports...its a common interest we all share, without me having to obsess over them.  I did say the winning  makes it better, right?  but we clearly dont always win (altho we are working on it :).....the very best part for me about my team is the time we spend off the field.....its sitting in a little local italian restaurant at 830 at night, laughing ourselves silly because we are ALREADY slap-happy and our first game isnt for another 2 hours!!  its spending time "outside" of my real life......we dont talk about work or bills or kids.....i mean we lean on each other if we need to, but i think for all of us, its an opportunity to NOT think about those things....to be the younger, more carefree versions of ourselves.....i mean really, the last time i stayed up all night for a non softball related event, i'm sure i was still in college!!!!  and we've now done this TWICE....and both times it was a blast.....a very tiring blast, but a blast all the same :) 

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

~Oprah Winfrey~

i'm so lucky that i have this team in my life.....its one of those things that i dont take for granted....i have no idea how much longer my knees will hold out (cuz lemme tell you, 5 games on turf in 7 hours was not SUPER fantastic feeling), but as long as i can still contribute and have some fun, 'm gonna PLAY!!