47 years

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. Paul Sweeney

my parents celebrated their 47th wedding anniversary this weekend.....well, i 'm not sure they celebrated it, but it happened nonetheless :)  47 years!!! 47....i find that utterly amazing for so many reasons.....not the least of which is how incredibly different my parents are. and i guess, while i grew up in family that stayed together, my generation was really the first that experienced  a lot of divorce....so when so many other couples chose NOT to stay together, it amazes me that my parents chose TO....i know it hasnt been easy - for either of them, but thru it all, they have remained a UNIT, and i firmly believe that i am the person i am today because of them.

with all of the debate today about same-sex marriage, i feel like the conversation about marriage itself - as an institution - has really NOT been addressed.....maybe it doesnt need to be.....but really, one of the hardest, most challenging things anyone will ever do is STAY married....its not that i disagree with anyone's RIGHT to get married - the more the merrier, really - but since the inception of "no fault" divorce, the question could be asked, "why bother?"......i realize that's harsh, but we live in a society of easy in, easy out - no harm/no foul lifestyles.  and honestly, i'm not sure that's  necessarily bad in regards to certain things.....but it does bring into question the BENEFITS of long term commitment.

i have had several conversations with people about this subject - i have been married almost 17 years myself - and i'm sure anyone who knows us would think my husband deserves some kind of sainthood - and they wouldn't be too far off the mark!  i find it interesting to look at in terms of the 50/50 marriage survival rate to think that there is a group of people out there FIGHTING for the ability to do something that a great majority of people are unsuccessful at!  and i wonder if the institution itself will survive my lifetime.....that may seem farfetched, but when you look at my parents generation , marriage was a PARTNERSHIP - in the classic sense, the man worked to provide for the family, and the woman stayed home to take care of the house and children .... it's this "model" that we grew up with and believed was the only RIGHT way to live.

fast forward to an economy where most households need 2 incomes and both parents work - the roles are intertwined and both parents do both jobs - which is great, in my opinon.....but it lessens the NECESSITY for the partnership....it takes away the NEED to remain together - so that when you go thru those challenges, as all relationships do, it becomes a CHOICE - do i WANT to stay or go, rather than do i NEED to stay or go....

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce.  The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.  ~Robert Anderson

now i firmly believe that it takes two parents to raise a family - i actually think it takes a small army - i just dont happen to care about the sex of those parents....i think its the PARTNERSHIP that makes families successful - not to say single parents are not successful - i just think their job is a million times harder.....and i believe that the BALANCE of 2 opinions is essential in creating a vibrant environment for growth.

and that's not to say that any of those other "models" out there are not as great or true or valid as the traditional one - i'm all for whatever works - i just want "whatever" to WORK!!  i want my boys to understand the importance of RELATIONSHIPS, and value them in whatever form they take - and then realize that they need to put the work in to maintain them....

this is where your own examples come into play - my parents clearly stayed together....kris' parents also are still together - so our shared EXPERIENCE is of TOGETHER.....and we know it hasn't been all sunshine and light - i believe my parents are as far from the sunshine and light example of marriage as possible - but regardless they made it work....and i respect the hell out of them for it.....not everything is supposed to be easy....most important things are RARELY easy - you have to work for them so you understand the significance....

“There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either in or you're out. There's no such thing as life in-between.”  pat riley

so i want to thank my parents, and kris' parents and all of the others out there who chose to stick it out!!  for being a living example of the "just because its not good everyday, doesn't mean its not great overall" philosophy....for showing me what it means to BE THERE....ALWAYS for my family - and that i need to cling to those things and people i value with all of the strength in my heart....