“A man does what he must -- in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers, and pressures -- and that is the basis of all human morality.”
John Kennedy
another milestone. 21. its a biggie. at 18 you send your kids out into the world hoping that you have done a good job of teaching them how to take care of themselves. whether that is in school or at work, you just hope they know how to get wherever they need to go on time - and that they have their keys and wallet when they get there. 21 is a bit different. by this time, they have navigated some of those waters (hopefully with success) and the next step on their journey is a bit more meaningful - and harder. they just dont know it yet. so on the eve of Jake's 21st birthday, i am going back to the basics....here are 21 lessons to kick off this next step of the journey.
Jake,
1. dont drink & drive. it seems the most obvious on this day. but its a serious thing. you will think you are ok after a couple of beers. you aren't. this isnt college. not only should you be concerned about hurting yourself, but you should be terrified of hurting someone else. if you plan to drink when you are out - take a cab. call uber (thank god for that lovely new company). call your mom. just dont get behind the wheel. NOTHING good comes from that.
See Dick drink. See Dick drive. See Dick die. Don't be a Dick.
2. use your head. you are a smart cookie. think stuff out. walk down the path in your mind. cause and effect. dont jump blindly into things that you are not sure of. if you cant make sense of something - LEARN more about it. thats what all those brains are for.
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...” Dr Seuss
3. follow your heart. these are often contradictory. but sometimes you have to take a leap of faith. you are compassionate and sensitive. let those qualities guide you. you may occasionally get taken advantage of. but you will also make a lasting impact on those around you. if it feels right, do it.
“Wherever you go, go with all your heart.” – Confucius
“Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can.” John Wesley
5. seek opinions. you dont know everything. yet. ask for people with more experience than you. or just DIFFERENT experience. your perspective comes from your life experiences. and there are a lot of different ways to go out there. it never hurts to get more than one point of view. be open-minded. thats never ever a bad thing.
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk. ~Doug Larson
6. value what others bring to the table. you are not going to be great at everything. you can always bring your best, but sometimes your best wont be as good as someone elses. and thats fine. if you learn to work with others, and are not threatened by their gifts, you have already won the battle. true leaders bring people together. they create teams whose talents compliment each other. do THAT.
No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent. ~John Donne
7. take care of your body. you only get one of those. sometimes you wont want to eat right or work out. and thats ok. as long as its temporary. if you look at fitness as a lifelong endeavor, it will be one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. dont take your good health for granted. make yourself a priority NOW - not later, when the damage is done.
To keep the body in good health is a duty, otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear. - Buddha
8. find humor whenever you can. if you can learn to laugh at the situation, rather than get angry, you will lead a much happier life. shit happens. take the time to laugh about it. never lose your love of ridiculous comedy. never stop sharing it with your brothers. dont be offended when people laugh when you fall. it looks funny. be okay with that. MAD only ever makes things worse.
"A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done" - Dwight D. Eisenhower
9. dont take yourself too seriously. you are a serious guy. with serious plans. and that is a good thing. but remember that not everything will go your way. and you cant make it go the way you want it by sheer force of will. you are human. just like the rest of us. and that is ok too.
“The cleverest of all, in my opinion, is the man who calls himself a fool at least once a month.” Fyodor Dostoevsky
10. realize you will change. be ok with it. in political terms we like to call it flip-flopping. ladies just like to call it changing our mind. but in reality, you will see things differently as you grow up. as your life circumstances change. your priorities shift. and sometimes things that made perfect sense at 21, dont really look so great at 45. you are allowed to change your mind. and your priorities. you are allowed to change anything.
If you don't like how things are, change it! You're not a tree. Jim Rohn
11. make mistakes & learn from them. dont be afraid to take action. you will make bad choices. you will have regrets. thats just a part of life. but if you can look back and learn from those choices, then they werent really mistakes at all. every thing that happens to you affects the things that come after it. they all lead you somewhere. embrace that.
A man's mistakes are his portals of discovery. - James Joyce
12. be kind. everyone you know is doing the best that they can. it took me a really long time to get this one. just because someone is doing something you disagree with, it doesnt make them bad or wrong. it just makes them different. if you can be kind to a stranger, then you can be kind to anyone. give your loved ones and friends the benefit of the doubt. you can be mean in your mind if you have to. just keep it to yourself. nothing good ever comes from mean, either.
Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. ~Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama
‘The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.’Arthur C. Clarke
14. eat good food. gone are the years of ramen noodles and mac & cheese. those are still ok. but when you have the opportunity to try new food, DO IT. treat dining like an adventure. it will be fun AND you will learn alot in the process. its also a super fun way to socialize, once the newness of the drinking thing wears off.
“The secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.”
-Mark Twain
15. take trips. if there are places you want to go see - GO SEE THEM. the world is a cool place. if you go one new place every year, imagine all the interesting things you will see in your lifetime. you wont love all of them. but you will experience amazing things. dont look back at your life and wish you would have gone somewhere. GO.
“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for.”
— John A. Shedd
16. dont wait for "one day". one day i will..... the biggest mistake of youth is thinking that you will always have time one day. guess what? this is one day. and so it tomorrow. if you dont do those things you are waiting for now, you probably never will. life gets more complicated. schedules get worse. jobs get harder to take time away from. set aside some time for your bucket list. LIVE it. dont wait until you are too old to enjoy it.
“The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.” -W. M. Lewis
17. give of your time. you wont always be in a position to give money. but you can always give time. if a cause speaks to you, try to do something about it. you can be charitable in deed, if not financially. one day i hope you can be charitable with your money. but that is the easy answer. get in the trenches. WORK for those causes that matter to you. be present. that is how the real difference is made.
I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again. ~William Penn
18. its ok to be sad. life can be tough. and disappointing. and frustrating. and just annoying. you will have days when you just are not happy. and that is OK! you have a lot of emotions and you are supposed to feel them all. dont bottle up feelings because you are trying to be strong. real strength is acknowledging that sometimes we are weak. just keep picking yourself up when you can. and asking for help when you need it.
You cannot prevent the birds of sadness from passing over your head, but you can prevent their making a nest in your hair. - chinese proverb
19. keep your eyes on the prize. this one you know. life is full of distractions. sometimes good. and sometimes not so good. if you know the general direction you are headed, its ok to veer off course a bit. just so long as you know how to get back. never lose sight of the big picture.
“It is not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?” Henry David Thoreau
20. learn to bounce. life will not go the way you want it to. or expect it to. sometimes it will be better. but often it will feel like its worse. but if you can learn to look around, find the lesson or opportunity and then pick yourself up, you will never be at the mercy of fate. if you can figure out how to just say to yourself "ok this happened, what's next", you will always bounce back.
“If the wind will not serve, take to the oars." - Walt Whitman
21. sing anyway. life is hard. which is a tough lesson at any age. you have experienced personal frustrations and disappointments. you have suffered loss. those things never stop happening. you can not let the bad things outweigh the good. reach for those things that motivate you to move beyond the hurt and the sad and the mad. because at the end of every day, when it is quiet in your mind, ultimately only YOU can decide what's next. do i let it beat me. or do i fight thru it. you know i will always always tell you to fight the good fight.
Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.”– Emory Austin
i love you jake. you are totally your own man and i couldnt be prouder of you. and if nothing else comes from this, never forget lesson NUMBER ONE! happy 21 day!
