Life is a long road on a short journey. ~James Lendall Basford
happy. sad. proud. nervous. excited. worried. ANXIOUS. this is me, at our final senior year of high school. and while it has been a LONG, windy road that i was always looking toward the end of, i find myself looking back through the journey and wondering if i would have done anything differently. because now that its HERE - the destination, with the empty nest looming - i hope that the choices i made for the boys were the right ones. the ones that prepared them for the rest of their lives. and maybe even the ones that prepared ME for what is coming next.
the 3 kid syndrome looks a lot like this: first child is over-parented with anxious parents. second child has expectations to meet & more independence with busy parents. third child is raised by wolves with tired parents. and while i feel like i truly did the best that i could with each of my kids, the boys will definitely tell you where i fell short - and where they each got the worst end of the deal. and they each DID get shortchanged in different areas. life is rough sometimes. and its not fair. which i hope was one of the lessons that they all got.
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. ~Danny Kaye
everyone parents differently. and i think thats great. my personal philosophy was this: you get what you need when you need it. in return i expected my boys to be decent human beings, get good grades, participate in sports/life & help me when i needed it. that's really it. i am not an allowance mom or a chore mom. not really even a work mom. i do what im supposed to do and you do what you are supposed to do. thats the gig. but looking back, its funny what that looks like.
i mean really, who NEEDS a phone? or data? or a new baseball bat? or a new lacrosse head? but these were all the little things that made up the "its not fair" argument in my house - forever. jake didnt get a phone til 8th grade. luke 7th. josh 6th? (maybe 5th summer). it was trickle down necessity. and VERY unfair. jake and josh love clothes, luke could care less. but luke had a girlfriend that ate about 400 meals with us. it was never about fair or even. it was about adjusting to each kid. and while i think it worked out ok, i know they each feel like i was easier on the others.
There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.
~Chinese Proverb
the good news is that they all believe that they are my favorite. and they are all 100% right.the funny thing about this last go around, though, it that i am both tired AND more aware of the "lastness" of all we are going through. which is hard to explain. but ill try. "poor josh" averages about 1 home cooked meal a week. maybe. he is the king of "i'll buy if you fly". that's the tired parenting. i just dont want to cook anymore. at all. been there, done that, got the sticker. can not be bothered anymore - even though i know he needs to eat good food. still cant bring myself to do it. which is TERRIBLE. and not changing. on the flip side, he got to take a half day at school. which may or may not also be a terrible, tired parenting move, but in his eyes is a definite benefit. one that required a family chat group to verify - so that sons 1 & 2 could sign off on. we are now parenting by collective!
Help your brother’s boat across, and your own will reach the shore. ~Hindu Proverb
which brings me to all the lasts. i am sharing them all with all 3 of the kids. things i think we did well, and things i wish i had done differently. i get to ask jake and luke for their opinion. i get real-time feedback from their perspective on some of our decisions. we, as a unit, are experiencing josh's senior year. should he play football (we split 2/2). but josh had a lot of feedback to make the decision. what classes are important? how do we feel about AP? these are all things that used to be just up to me (you know, and kris). but now i get to see them from the other side. and yes, we let josh take a half day, BUT he had to stick with the 3 APs. the older boys are helpful, and involved. and i love that.
way on back, i used to think about the future - and what it would look like when josh was 18. i would "only" be 47 and we would have all the time in the world after the kids were grown. and when you are elbow deep in paper mache & magic markers, science fair projects and homework - that future seems AWESOME. and maybe it will be. but right now what it looks like is sad, and a little bit boring. which is just an AWFUL outlook. it should look exciting and adventurous, right? i should be looking forward to no schedules and all this free time to do whatever i want. unfortunately, what i want is going to end up being more time with my kids.
will i make the best of it? sure. its what we do. but in the meantime i am going to drive everyone in my house totally crazy. which unfortunately for them, really just means kris and josh. jake and luke are psyched they get a pass on emotional basket case mom. the one who now needs them more than they need me. and thats a hard realization. its funny how that cyclical thing happens when you arent looking.
The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family. ~Thomas Jefferson
im super fortunate that my family indulges me. they come home to have breakfast with my dad. they participate in family group chats about football games and stupid movies. they all got to weigh in on rescuing Petey, even tho they probably wont ever really live with him. and they still call me to check in. sometimes they still even ask for advice.ultimately what makes this year different is that i am hyper aware of the time. i have actually stopped saying "i cant wait until". i can wait. that doesnt mean i wont enjoy all of it as it happens. we have already had our last homecoming. which was great. and josh let me take about 1000 pictures. because he is aware of it also. he knows that i am struggling with it. and that he has a responsibility as the "last" to do some of the things he doesnt want to - because they mean a lot to me. this is me, getting what i need, when i need it. and im lucky enough that my kids get that.
Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmore
this year is as much about me as it is about josh. its the last chapter in the first half of my life. and
and if i know one thing for sure, its that my boys know that they are loved beyond measure.
if i only did that one thing right, i did pretty damn good.
The most important thing she'd learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. ~Jill Churchill
