cooper

"but MOM, where's the PUPPY?"  that's my first memory of walking into the house with Cooper for the first time.  we had SCOURED for months for a rescue dog that resembled or might possibly be a dalmation - which was 5 year old Josh's obsession.  and when we finally found him (thank you SMAWL), i immediately made plans to get this super cute, very tiny, white with black spots puppy.

and then i went to pick him up.  and he weighed 26 pounds....ALREADY.  the look on lisa's face, which must have mirrored mine, when we got to the foster was an incredulous WHAT THE FUCK?  he's HUGE.  ALREADY.  i should go back and say, we had a schnoodle already.  but she was getting old and no longer playful, and josh really really really wanted a puppy.  and we love dogs, so why not.  my husband, very wisely asked me to take sammie to meet the puppy before we committed. but in my infinite wisdom i felt that was unnecessary.  so off i went to pick up my puppy.

and i walked in with a "puppy" that outweighed my full size schnoodle.  who HATED the puppy.  immediately.  so we were off to a great start. by christmas of our first year, cooper was closing in on 50 pounds, sammie was miserable and spent most of her time avoiding cooper, but the boys were in heaven. 

“The dog was created specially for children. He is the god of frolic.” -Henry Ward

and so it went - for the next 12 years or so.  that picture is our first christmas with coop - and our next to last. my boys have literally grown up with him.  along with all of their friends.  cooper was a fixture (obviously) and you could always tell who was comfortable at our house, and who wasnt, by how they talked about coop. 

he was a gentle giant at heart.  with a supremely scary bark.  and he fit our family to a T.  he would love on you forever, if you were brave enough to get close to him.  and if you weren't, he never ever warmed up to you.  sounds familiar, right?  i have a million cooper stories, and could go on forever.  but i wont.  because they all just make me so sad.  we always said, in the abstract, that because he was so big, when he couldnt support his weight anymore, then it would be time to let him go.  and that sounds completely reasonable and humane, until that time comes.  then it is just devastating.

Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault, really. ~Agnes Sligh Turnbull

cooper was a giant dog who thought he was a small dog.  we always wanted to be with you, or on you, and was always in the same room with someone.  and was ever so happy to shed a small dogs worth of white dog hair all over you, your clothing and anything else he happened to come into contact with.  it was a sign of love. 

as he got older, he never got any less playful.  at 8 every night, he would decide it was time to run circles around the downstairs and get the other dogs all fired up.  it was crazy loud and super funny.  josh has a zillion videos of our evening antics.  and he was that dog that never ever wasnt happy to see you.  he never ignored you.  he spent time with everyone in the house.  its like he just wanted everyone to know how much he loved them.  he was literally the perfect dog.  except maybe for the shedding :).

at heart tho, really, he was josh's dog.  and mine.  its funny how that works.  sammie was kris' baby.  jake has bruno.  luke has delilah.  and josh shares cooper with me.  and for that i will always be grateful.  josh has a totally soft heart. and cooper was the exact right dog for him to grow up with.  cooper was such a part of our house - both physically and emotionally - im not even sure what it will look like without him.  his presence was something no one could ignore, and his absence will sit heavy here for a long time.

• “The one best place to bury a good dog is in the heart of his master.” – Ben Hur Lampma

for me, his passing  really represents the change we are all experiencing.  time just doesnt stop.  the boys are grown.  moving on.  cooper was a huge part of my boys childhood.  he experienced every bit of all of those milestones with us.  and was just PRESENT for all of it.  his big heart was always open for us and i will miss him more than i can say.  and i will also miss all that he represented for me.  and yet im so glad that we got to share all of that with him.

the running joke with my family is my cow obsession, that started right about the time that cooper started resembling one.  i always told people that we had a small cow living with us.  and there is just nothing that can replace him.  i will forever be grateful that we had him as long as we did.  and that my boys have learned this last lesson in compassion from him.  and for him.

sweet dreams, coop.  rest easy.  you deserve it more than you know.  and we will forever carry you in our hearts.

You think dogs will not be in heaven? I tell you, they will be there long before any of us. ~Robert Louis Stevenson