where the rubber meets the road

yes, i went to the bookstore AGAIN!!  as different thoughts and subjects creep up i find myself heading in so many directions.....i'm sure i will figure out a real "plan" eventually, but for now, i'm just kind of going wherever this takes me....i actually set out to get a book on buddhism (which i did, kind of), but also picked up "CLEAN"....it seems i can't really move in any single direction without all of the pieces seeming to come together.....the spiritual journey leads me to a quest for inner peace....or happiness - which is leading towards more info on the "zen"....and of course, i'm totally obsessed with wellness and how this all relates.  ironically one of the sections in this book is called "set your intention"...funny, right?  it asks the question "do you WANT to do it? or do you HAVE to do it?"  its amazing to me that out of the 4 bazillion books on health and wellness, i pick the one related to my intention!!  and it seems that in a quest for inner peace, i am finding that i cant be on that journey if i dont physically feel well.  i've made a lot of changes over the last couple of years....and some are profound and awesome.....and some are just different.  but in choosing to not eat meat, i have found that often i am no HEALTHIER.....and that was initially my goal.  i dont suffer with stomachaches like i used to (which was what ultimately made me change my eating habits), but it was in reading about the negative impact on both animals themselves and the planet that keep me from eating meat.  which is somewhat ironic, as i am not at all the crunchy, activist type.  but again, once i read or am exposed to something that makes SENSE to me, i find it hard to backpedal from.  that's not to say i dont slip up or crave a good cheeseburger -but i can honestly say, switching to a plant based diet has been a great change for me.  (of course, in terms of my weight, you remember that potato thing, right?)

i just find it so incredibly interesting that in our state of "advancement", doctors are not educated in nutrition, and more people who have access to incredible amounts of information don't question more......how it is that we are such an unhealthy, overweight society, when we have every technological advancement???  the answer is that we have forgotten to look at ourselves at the most basic level....no matter what you believe, i think we can all agree that the human body is an amazing creation - that we are managing to completely JACK UP!!!  we are so overmedicated that most people cant think for themselves....we treat everything from headaches, to depression and everything in between with PILLS......never looking for the source of the problem, just a patch to cover it up.  the medical profession, along with the FDA and government, have fallen victim to their own machination.....we create a "food pyramid" that makes us unhealthy, and we throw medication at the results of our poor eating....our health care system is overburdened and underfunded, and doctors can't or dont have time or wont look at the CAUSES of the problems.....because most of them are so specialized that they dont see the WHOLE for the parts they know.  my sister-in-law recently was diagnosed with a sarcoma - this was an incredbily scary time for her - she was faced with an uncertain future, and intense pain - she couldnt eat due to where the tumor was located.....long story short, she had a horrible 8 months, but is now considered cancer free - the crazy part.....when she went to see her oncologist after surgery - he looked at her chart, said she looked "fine" and was going to send her home....SHE WEIGHED 87 POUNDS!!!  she is 5 freaking 10!! and he thought she was "fine" because her "cancer" was gone.....he didnt even LOOK at her!!  i'm not blaming him....the doctors are as much a victim to the system as anyone....but the system is definitely BROKEN.  i dont want my kids to think that medication is the answer for everything!!  they know so many people who pop pills regularly....its one more thing today that's "no big deal".  wouldn't you rather know WHY!!  you cant figure out HOW to fix something until you figure our what is WRONG....we are all the SUM of our PARTS....not individual pieces.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. - gandhi

so in that vein, i'm not just on a spiritual journey....because you cant find peace in your mind or your heart without finding it in your body.....this is the part where i talk the talk, but am not sure i can walk the walk....it's where the rubber meets the road so to speak.   i'm going to attempt to do this 21 day cleanse (you can start laughing whenever you feel like it) more for the opportunity to see if i have what it takes.  living clean means working towards a synergy between your body and your emotions....negative energy creates negative desires...we are literally FEEDING our negativity with bad food, and vice versa.  id love to get to the place where i am feeding myself POSITIVE energy through healthy, earth friendly food.  now can i actually succeed??? who knows. but to quote dr junger "failing is just proof that you are trying" :)  he also goes on to say that the most toxic emotion we have is GUILT....go figure!

i've been so flattered and happy to hear from so many different people since starting the blog...it seems like everyday i hear from someone new....not only do i LOVE it and APPRECIATE it because it helps to keep me motivated, but i find it so reassuring that so many of us want to DO better and BE better....not that we are bad....but that there is more out there somehow.....if we can only take the time to just STOP for a second and look for it!  i dont know whether its my age or my kids ages or what, but i feel like i need to stop NOW, while i have a chance.....because i only get this one go around and i want to get it right :)  i can't imagine how hard it is for john every single day without laura.....but i believe that thru HER faith she has made a difference for the better, not only for me but for everyone who is and will be touched somehow thru this journey.  she left way too soon, but she made the world a better place for having been here.....isnt that the greatest testament of all. 

its the little every day things i am trying to stop and appreciate.....every time i hit the pavement to run, i say over and over again, i dont HAVE to do this...i GET TO.....change is hard dammit, but i'm trying!!