Ago Gratius Diem

or THANK THE DAY....i read an article this morning that i found really interesting about a mother being upset about the whole "carpe diem" mentality.  ironically a subject i've touched on in my own way....so it got me to thinking....parenting is the most satisfying thing in the world, but also the most frustrating.  and while its important that we all take the time to experience each day - to "live in the moment" as it were - it's also important to remember that we're not perfect, and that pretending everything is okay doesnt mean that it is....the author's point was that her days are LONG and tiring -she gets short-tempered and her 3 young kids make her crazy - that doesn't mean she doesnt love or appreciate them....and we've ALL been there.  appreciating the life you've been given doesn't mean that every moment will be sunshine and light.....its just means that you are taking each moment for what its worth - not ignoring it or wishing it gone.....just being a PART of it.....if that means crying, or yelling -then hey, that's what you need to do.....but don't walk around in a fog....don't MISS it.....because THAT is how life passes you by.  one day it will be funny that you left your screaming toddler laying down in the deli section of the grocery store just to make a point (yes, i did that)....at the time i wanted to CRY, or rip my hair out....probably both - but now i can look back on it and smile....yup, josh was stubborn even then.....we all have story after story about how our kids/husbands/families/pets/jobs have challenged us.....that's a giant part of our life.....and all a part of our personal growing process and what ultimately shapes us into the people we are.  how we deal with adversity is just as important as how we celebrate success - the successes seem more fun, but i guarantee the lessons you learn come more from the adversity. 

clearly some challenges are bigger than others....its how we choose to look at them that makes them bearable or overwhelming. i could tell you that i sleep like absolute crap because i have a pinched nerve AND my two dogs sleep with me, one of whom is bigger than me.....i have moments where it drives me insane that cooper sleeps with me- i can't move blah blah blah.....and then i have moments like last night, where it absolutely cracks me up that i am forced to sleep on a sliver of my bed so that my DOG is comfortable....i mean come on!!  if you look closely at that picture you can see that i'm squooshed on the other side and cooper is on his BACK sprawled out.....it cant be anything BUT funny!  and obviously thats not real adversity....its just annoying.....just like having a toddler screaming in the check out line isnt horrible - its just annoying.....but if enough annoying things are happening at the same time, then life seems pretty hard.  the one thing we all have that is absolutely OURS is our PERSPECTIVE.....one of the things that took me the longest to learn was that EVERYONE looks at the exact same thing and sees something DIFFERENT.....everything we see is colored by the eyes that are looking at it......

Nothing's beautiful from every point of view. HORACE

it used to make me crazy when someone who i knew that didn't work, or didn't have kids, or who didn't run a youth league, or teach classes, or was room mom would say "i'm just so busy".....because all i could think was "YOU are NOT busy".....i knew that because I WAS busy....and unless you were doing all the things i was doing, you couldn't possibly be busy....which is RIDICULOUS!!  of course they were busy....we are ALL BUSY....we are just busy doing different things....everyone feels STRESS and PRESSURE on their OWN TERMS!!  its not up to you or me to define BUSY....because busy is just a feeling....like stress - there is no list of things that qualify or not qualify.....and everyone is ENTITLED to their feelings.....its not up to anyone else to tell you how to feel or think or act.....but i'm hoping with a little perspective we can all be a little more tolerant of each other......maybe i was the only judgmental ass out there, or maybe its just that i always felt so overwhelmed that i didn't think anyone else could possibly understand.....the irony is that probably EVERYONE i knew with 3 young kids felt the same way.....but we all pretended like things were great.....and so instead of commiserating and helping each other, we all helped contribute to each other feeling like crap....awesome!!  so i TOTALLY understand what the mom who wrote the article is saying. BUT, i have now turned into one of the people who says "enjoy this, it goes by in an instant".....there has to be a happy medium - and for me it goes back to honesty and appreciation.  THANK the DAY.....be grateful for all that it offers, both good and bad....its okay to be pissy about the bad....just be glad you are here to be pissed!  does that make any sense at all??

you know by now that i'm reading like 4 different things at all times....i'm still reading hardcore zen, which is very cool, but will definitely take some getting used to....its very VERY different from anything else i'm reading and the (in oversimplistic terms) theory of "oneness", where i am you and you are me and nothing exists without everything else kind of thinking is fascinating as a contrast to all of this "perspective".  because i can only FEEL overwhelmed or busy or tired or scared if i know what it is to NOT feel those things!!  take a second and think about it....  we are always always always looking outside of ourselves in order to figure out what things mean.....when we should be looking INSIDE....it doesnt matter if your friend can juggle 16 things at once and be perfectly calm and always look great and be happy happy happy.....good for her - if you compare yourself to her, you will always feel frustrated or inadequate.....but if you accept that YOU can only do 2 things at once, and like to yell, and always look like a giant mess then you too can be happy happy happy :) its all in the way YOU look at it!!  happiness truly does come from within.....and no one can make you accept it.  for YEARS i have had friends tell me i need to meditate - i'm always going a thousand miles an hour and my mind needs to rest....which i believed to be total BS....and as long as i believed that, it would never work - because what i believe to be true, is true for me.  what i can tell you is that for the last few days i have taken my timer and made myself sit on a pillow for 10 minutes.....is that meditating...NOPE....but it IS quiet - and its peaceful - and its giving me a minute of quiet that i am carrying with me.....i have no idea why but i AM calmer....and seem to be handling things a bit better.....maybe its just that now i am more open to the idea - or maybe that indeed like everything else, you have to train your mind to relax.....i know i've never tried that before......but hey, why not?  it cant hurt - and can only help me be less of a spaz.

Relaxation is the prerequisite
for that inner expansion that allows a person
to express the source of inspiration and joy within. - deepak chopra

i'm finally realizing that i can't do it all....and that i dont have to.  i'm doing my best, or at least trying.  and even when i'm not, that's still ok.  i'm not perfect, nor am i trying to be.  i'm just ME.  and i think that's the best revelation so far.  i watched 7 days in utopia tonight....i'd been hearing things about it and seen the book, so i figured why not.  it's a good story with a great lesson....you have to let go of the baggage that you carry around that drags you down - so that you can fulfill your purpose....its a bit more christian themed than that, but it still works....we all carry the weight of expectation and judgement - and until we can stop worrying about what OTHER people want for us or expect of us, then how can we truly know what it is WE are looking for or what we can accomplish.....ok, you get the point - or as much of a point as i'm trying to make!! 

keep it all in perspective......if you are at least trying to see the bigger picture in your everyday, then you can bring a little sunshine to yourself and to everyone around you.

that's my shirt for my race :)  and my daily reminder....

THANK THE DAY :)