sometimes i'm just stupid

i think for the most part i'm well meaning....but sometimes i just dont think things all the way thru - or i think them to death....take your pick.  so here i am thinking i'm going to do this "good" thing by attempting a cleanse, right?  i mean i could use the break from food, and sure, can always prove something to myself.  my first clue should have been when my friend gary (yes, the same one) asked me WHY i was doing it, since i was eating pretty well anyway, and not really overweight or anything.....you know, the MENTAL challenge of it blah blah blah.....well, 3 days into this sucker i'm feeling decent - hate the lemonade, but not doing too bad overall - and then BAM.....i do the salt water flush, just because i havent really seen any "changes" (so to speak)....and thats the only part i havent done (its optional).....let me just say this: NOT A GOOD IDEA!!  unless you are trying to give yourself the symptoms of a stomach flu....if you ARE, then go for it.  to say i am not happy would be a big fat giant understatement.....and WHY???  so i can say i did it?  because apparently im not torturing myself enough with all of this soul searching and reading....i am officially reclaiming whats left of my toxins and throwing in the towel - well tomorrow morning, so i can at least say i did the "minimum" 3 days......next time i say im going to do something assinine, someone (lisa) call me and talk me off the ledge, please!!

Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing, it is always from the noblest motives. Oscar Wilde

so in light of the fact that i made myself feel like dog poop ON PURPOSE, i'm thinking i'd rather go back to those physical tests.....after doing this, i'll take the workout and the french fries!!!  so i guess tomorrow id better get back on my P90x regime :)

and speaking of stupid.....i picked up the next book on my list at about the same time i started this cleanse - not a good combo either.....i had to look up 3 words ON THE FIRST PAGE!! i mean, really??  i'm pretty smart - an english major, well read.....if i have to look up 3 words on the first page of your book, who exactly is your AUDIENCE????  i understand that you have to write at your own level, and i'm opposed in general to dumbing things down, but SERIOUSLY?  and if you are going to pick obscure words to use, try not to pick ones they've used in a disney film:  because anytime i read the word lugubrious, all i can think of is PAIN calling Hades "your LUGUBRIOUSNESS"....i didnt know what it meant then either, but at least then it was FUNNY!!

so do i plow thru this book with my handy dandy dictionary sitting next to me (metaphorically speaking - you know i just use my phone.....) or just move to the next one?  i'm gonna plow thru it - or at least most of it - because i am stubborn and hardheaded.  and apparently the lesson i'm learning right at this very moment is i'm not as smart as i think i am....

but what i am is LUCKY....and HAPPY....and GRATEFUL - that i can learn my lessons, even though i shouldnt have to over and over again....and that aside from a self inflicted stomach bug, i'm healthy and strong.....and i have a fantastic family, who never picks ANYTHING UP for themselves, but are all still awfully cute :)

and most of all i am all of those things because tiff came thru her surgery as well as can be expected....and even tho she has a long fight in front of her, she is staying positive and focusing on what she DOES have going for her.....how can i do any less??  welcome to my emotional roller coaster - i hope you brought seat belts!!!

so this one is for TIFF.....who inadvertently knocked some sense into me.....its okay to focus INWARD...occasionally - but not to obsess!!  its more important to look OUTWARD - and spread some joy or love or fun.....try to make each day a little bit better for those around you....because that will be the best thing you can do for yourself.....you know the old "think globally, act locally" - its okay to conceptualize all you want....but its better to take some small actions......bring about what you think about  :) 

i will ponder this tomorrow morning....over a big fat steaming yummy cup of coffee!!

Life's a journey, not a destination.  ~Aerosmith