steel magnolias

so its been kind of a rough one today....we got some news about kris' sister who had a very difficult battle with sarcoma last year.....at her last scan things were clear so the family has been on an upswing.....she's been having more pain, and they found out today she has another tumor.....clearly NOT the good news we were hoping for.  its such a paralyzing feeling not being able to do anything...even worse for kris because we are so far away.  trying to put into words anything coherent is probably not a great idea, but i'll try.  because this is one of those experiences we all have in common, from some perspective.  i have such deep respect and admiration for those people who are battling disease.....it takes constant strength and an inner fortitude to fight that fight every day.  its hard to watch those closest to them try to stay strong and positive - and just keep going thru their days.....supporting their loved one and often their kids.....it truly does take a village when someone you love is sick - and we are so lucky that we have one.

how do you comfort someone when nothing makes sense?  for anyone?  how is it fair that all of these YOUNG moms are struggling with cancer?  or anyone else for that matter.  it just seems worse somehow when you have to figure out what to say to the kids when their mom goes into the hospital AGAIN.....i know that is the worse part right this second for tiff and jim.....of course they worry for tiff, but ultimately it always comes down to the kids.....where do you begin to try to help them understand something that doesnt make sense? when you dont understand it yourself...it's of course the most sincere argument ever made for faith, right?  we have to have faith that everything will be fine.....that these things happen for a reason, and that God has a plan......HE doesnt give us more than we can handle....all of those things you hear and say when someone is sick, because THERE IS NO EXPLANATION!!  bad things happen to good people every day....and it just doesn't make sense.  so you have to stop looking for it to....stop trying to explain it....there is no explanation....it just IS.  and now it has to be lived with, dealt with and overcome.

If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm.  - Mahatma Gandhi

so thats what we have to start doing.....today....right now.  you just keep going...moving forward....doing whatever you can to get through - to help and support and just be there however you can.  i think one of the hardest things is the WAITING.....waiting for word of whats next.....with cautious optimism or outright dread....its the waiting that keeps you up at night, and drags thru your day.....you have this constant push/pull of emotions - convincing yourself everything will be fine, trusting the medicine, having faith vs. worry, and anxiety and questioning the course of treatment.....and this is all FROM THE OUTSIDE!  i have only ever experienced INJURY....which sucks, but you know has a positive outcome....you WILL heal....maybe not to your previous condition or ability, and its a battle to "get back"....but you KNOW you will be okay.....and even then its easy to get MIRED in the negatives - the "why me's", and the "what ifs".....how do you stay positive thru a challenge like this?  what other choice do you have??

 

If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them.  When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope?  We have two options, medically and emotionally:  give up, or fight like hell.  ~Lance Armstrong

i know that "fight like hell" is the only option.....its what we do....as individuals and as a family.  i DO have faith that everything will be okay.....i know that no matter what, tiff will keep fighting the fight and beating this back - but i also know it wont be easy.....the good news is we dont need EASY, just possible!!

as im sitting at home watching one of my all time favorite movies tonight (yes, Steel Magnolias), i'm amazed again how all the lessons are sitting right in front of me.....i love that movie because A) it has the best one-liners of any chic flic EVER and B) it's sad, but also uplifting....it reinforces the bonds of family and friendship and reminds us that yes, BAD THINGS DO HAPPEN, but life goes on.....its a constant cycle - filled with struggle, but also with JOY.  sometimes its a lot harder to see the JOY, but it IS there - we just need to SEE it. tiff beat this back once before....so we know she can do it again.  she has an amazing family to support her, and the best reasons of all to fight!!

as for me, its just one more sign hitting me over the head to BE GRATEFUL.....there will always be something that attempts to drag me down.....work will be crappy, or the kids will fight, or traffic will blow, or my back will hurt, or lacrosse will make me want to rip my hair out.....but that's ALL OKAY.....everything is OKAY because i'm lucky to be here.....right now....and right now is all i know i've got!  i'm doing my best to send positive vibes out into the universe and happy thoughts tiffs way.....i'll embrace my 10 minutes of quiet each day, and send a prayer out there too - because ANYTHING and everything i can do that's GOOD and POSITIVE can only help, right?  and if any of you have any extra vibes or prayers that you can shoot tiff's way, i know we all appreciate it. 

Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway. Emory Austin