This one is a tough one for me......i think for all of us. even if we think we've moved on from something, a lingering feeling creeps up and reminds us that maybe we haven't quite REALLY forgiven the person who hurt us. the thing is, i honestly try to be a good person - i love my family, am a good friend and generally try to do the "right thing".... i return wallets with money in them, and go back in to the store when i leave with water on the bottom of the cart......but i make mistakes....sometimes big ones...i've hurt people and been mean - sometimes incidentally, and sometimes on purpose....i'd like to think i've outgrown the "on purpose" part, but you never know. its like clairee says in STEEL MAGNOLIAS - if you dont have anything nice to say, come sit by me :) - i'm joking (mostly) but you all know i love a good people watching session.....and for the most part feel like its harmless.....but what if its not?? you can't get away today from the issues of bullying - especially with young girls today. what we think is harmless, maybe isn't. we've all heard the boys will be boys and girls are catty cliches.....and it's true. but it doesn't have to be. not only do we have to start being nicer to one another, and the community and planet at large - but we also have to embrace FORGIVENESS. and sometimes that's harder. because to truly forgive someone who you feel has done wrong - whether to you specifically or someone you love or just someone you've heard about - you have to actually LET GO of the emotion their action evoked. and emotions are what drive us. and sometimes those actions are positive -like starting an anti-bullying club, or shedding light on an issue - but often those actions are negative...we badmouth the person responsible, and focus on WHAT THEY DID, without looking any deeper. i don't believe many people are inherently BAD....they just make bad choices - sometimes for the right reasons - and sometimes just because.
which leads me to joe paterno.....i was the first one to say that no matter what good he did for the school all those years, he should be shot for not taking care of those kids....harsh? absolutely - because that's how i roll, especially before i have time to think....but in all honesty, joe paterno DID DO a ton of great things during his tenure at penn state.....he mentored many young men who went on to do great things - and by all accounts was a person of great personal responsibility.....who just made a really horribly bad choice. he turned a blind eye to an awful situation - why? to preserve a program? maybe. or maybe he just couldnt believe someone he knew could actually do something so bad.....havent we all at one time or another chosen to ignore something about a friend or family member that we just couldnt believe could be true? who knows what joe paterno thought or felt at the time the incident was reported.....we will never know. what i do know is that faced with an internal battle with cancer and an external battle with the media, it was too much for him. for a man who spent a lifetime on the field fighting for every yard, giving up the fight was probably the worst kind of punishment. no, i dont agree that he was a hero.....nor do i believe he was a villian - i think he was human - and he made a mistake......wouldnt we all hope that if the situation was reversed, we would be forgiven? i think for joe it's important that he be remembered for both the good and the bad.....because that's what he would have wanted - to teach a final lesson....no one is always right....no one is perfect.....and no one gets to change the past.
"Now, with grown children grandkids and 42 years removed from my playing days, I thought Joe Paterno had taught me all that he could teach me. I was wrong," Pitman said. "Despite being pushed away from his beloved game, and under the extreme pressure of the events of the past few months, Joe's grace was startling." .....charles pittman, former PSU player
those who knew him, BELIEVED he was a good man - a great man. how can those of us who never knew him judge him so much more harshly? because we DIDN'T know him.... that's the power that comes with distance. we are so much more forgiving of those we love - and joe paterno clearly has a ton of people who love him....and who knows, maybe THEY have the right perspective in this. regardless, the best i think we can do is FORGIVE him for his weakness, and learn from it.....and then CELEBRATE all of the wonderful things he did as well.
why? i guess it comes down to karma....would YOU want to be judged at your final moment on your ONE WORST decision?? i know i wouldnt. i am so much more than ALL of my bad choices.....but we tend to remember the bad stuff - why is that?? when its so much better to remember the good!! that doesnt mean we should all be excused from bad behavior - it just means we need to look at the bigger picture.
“Between the radiant white of a clear conscience and the coal black of a conscience sullied by sin lie many shades of gray--where most of us live our lives. Not perfect but not beyond redemption.” ― Sherry L. Hoppe
i do believe that people can change....they can become stronger, or more enlightened, or just better than they once were. thru circumstance or revelation, we are constantly changing. for everyone who is struggling, or knows someone struggling with cancer, this is a living breathing thing. you dont wake up the morning after your diagnosis as the same person you were the day before....it changes you. it makes some people fight, and it makes some people give up.....it brings the crushing reality that life is not to be taken for granted - and that each day actually IS a gift. and it brings reflection - it has to. i remember so clearly talking to my aunt bobbie as she went thru it - and her reminding me to just try to always see the good....she's probably the biggest reason that i have the relationship with my mom that i do now - because seeing it thru HER eyes, made me let go of all of the petty grievances i had. its only in forgiving, in moving on, that we can truly be happy. in tiff (who came thru surgery like a champ, i might add), i see a woman who is embracing the closeness she has gained with her daughter, and the incredible relationships she has with her family - she is being STRONG for them, but also letting them be STRONG for her.....something i'm not sure she knew how to do before this. and in kathy, i see an incredible OPTIMISM....and a simple daily plea for people to just be NICE (dammit) :) witnessing all of their struggles makes me want to be a better person.....one who looks for the good in others. and in life. because at the end of the day, no matter what we might have done WRONG, we've also done something RIGHT!! and we should be grateful for all of it - because its brought us exactly where we are today.
and wasn't today GREAT!!
I know 3 of the 4 in this picture. Who is the 4th beauty?
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