frustration

okay so today would be one of those days that i wish i could throw my computer out of the window.....and then run over it with my truck.  no picture today - even tho i took a really good one (well, appropriate anyway) because i can get my mouse to pair with my mac, so i'm typing from my laptop that doesn't have my pics on it....can you say UUUUGGGHHH!

so anyway, ironically todays post is about, of all things, my personality!!  HA.....i had another one of "those days" where it all kind of bubbled up to the surface....and i was able to take a good hard look.  now i am not apologizing (at all) for my "in your face" style.  as a matter of fact, i love that people know where they stand with me -and of course i am more than happy to share my opinon pretty much at all times.  and i know i have the reputation for being incredibly DIRECT....or bitchy....depending on whether you like me or not :).  the best part is that i am cool with it, either way, for the most part.  i am who i am.  yes, i could be nicer, but the flip side of that is that i get shit done.....and i really do have a good heart.  with all that being said, i think the funniest thing i've ever heard anyone say to kris about me is that i'm "SCARY"!!!  yes, i have the magical power to intimidate most grown men.....again, mostly because i speak my mind.  interestingly enough, this works well for both me and kris.  he gets to be super nice and i get to make shit happen - its a great combination -and we rarely fight....mostly because we have the unspoken agreement that if he actually cares enough to argue with me, he can win :)

see, i'm easy to get along with!  now most of you know that i got roped into helping with this lacrosse league.  and its been eye opening in many many many ways.  but this year, i got my real first hand experience with being bulldozed.....and realized that i am usually the bulldozEE, not the bulldozED....which is not a good thing, but true.  that's not to say that i attempt to bulldoze people (and i realized that after watching it done to me)....mostly i just make up my mind how something should work and i go about making that happen.  its an "eyes on the prize" mentality that has worked out for me pretty well ....aside from that whole mean and bitchy thing.  i have to say usually i dont care one way or the other, because as i said, this is just me.  but today for the first time in a good long while, i actually RELISHED it.  and i realized i actually REFUSE to let someone make me do something that is not good for my family, our league or any of our parents.  so yes, i can be a complete pain in the ass -and i'm sure the head of the league we play in wants to shoot me in the head - but i am totally capable of drawing a line in the sand.  what i didn't realize is that some people aren't......

i watched a room full of grown ass people let one man push thru an agenda that no one wanted because no one could argue with him.  in their defense, he is a lawyer, and apparently a good one....but still.  after the meeting (at which i really was the only one who abstained from voting....after doing my damnedest to make points for the whole area), i cant tell you how many people said things like "it wasnt worth the fight" or "we weren't going to win the argument anyway".....and they DISAGREED!!  i just dont understand why people dont or wont stick up for themselves or their cause.  round 2 of same meetings ended with my before mentioned line in the sand....i'll keep you posted on how THAT turns out :)

so i guess my question is this:  when IS it worth the fight?  now i know i like to argue - i find it fun for the most part, and interesting - and i can usually argue both sides of the point if need be.....but when it MATTERS, why WOULDN'T you?  which led to the second question of how many times have i inadvertantly bulldozed my way thru a situation?  i'm sure the answer to that is OFTEN.  because i dont mind a good debate, or argument, i guess i just assumed that most people were the same.  because kris, who again is the nicest person ever, argues when he feels he should.....and i'm hoping most people i've crossed paths with would be able to say the same.

funny life lesson.....jake worked last lax season as a ref.  at the end of the season he blew out his knee and obviously couldn't finish reffing.  after it was over, he got the "please set up your account so we can transfer money" email.....which he forgot about, or set up and then didn't email the director.  months pass....long story short he never got paid.  and like most teenagers with a license asks me for cash fairly regularly.  so i ask him about his paycheck (which i just assumed he got)....he never did.  so i tell him to email his director and tell him what happened....his reaction was to say "just forget it"!!!!  he didn't want to upset the director.....now, how do you think THAT went over??  suffice it to say, i pretty much forced him to send the email - to STAND UP FOR HIMSELF....he earned that money!  but it was a lesson for me to see my very confident oldest son, waiver about something that put him in an uncomfortable situation.  but after he did it (and got his $280), he was so much happier.  in my opinion YOU HAVE TO stand up for yourself....or you find yourself on the wrong end of that bulldozer.  i hope if my kids learn nothing else from their loud mouth mom, its that they have the ability, and right, to speak their mind.

what i need to learn is the big ASSUME lesson - you know, makes an ASS out of U n ME.....i'll get there eventually!!  and also, that given enough time to cool off, i dont ALWAYS have to say what i think!!  or deal with my frustration by eating half my house.  but that's a lesson that's probably going to take a lot longer to learn!!  (oh, and my the time i got all the way here i  realized i could just email myself the picture!!  i'm such a hothead!!

but that's why you love me....or think i'm a big giant beeotch :)