i've been mulling over the best way to "represent" all of my people next week at the avon walk....i know its TECHNICALLY a walk for breast cancer, but it just doesn't seem right to me to only represent that small part of the disease that so many are battling....so here is what i came up with....a patchwork backpack if you will, that unfortunately was much too easy to fill....it seems that 2012 is to be the year of challenges on many different fronts - some more serious than others, but all stressful in different ways....and i'd just like to know, how much is too much?? at what point do you just have to say ENOUGH....i'm tired of bad news and being sad.....i'm tired of having to constantly try to make things better for everyone, when sometimes things just aren't going to be better for awhile.....sometimes the only answer is that you just have to get thru.
One of life's best coping mechanisms is to know the difference between an inconvenience and a problem. If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you've got a problem. Everything else is an inconvenience. Life is inconvenient. Life is lumpy. A lump in the oatmeal, a lump in the throat and a lump in the breast are not the same kind of lump. One needs to learn the difference. .... Robert Fulghum
trying to separate the big things from the little things is tough....when it feels like they all blend together. but in reality there ARE differences....in my house, which is of course dominated by lacrosse, losing feels a bit like a curse.....we dwell on it, obsess over it, hash it over until there is nothing left...and then hash it over some more....and on a night like tonight when the team seemed to actually just give up, its hard to put it in its proper perspective...but you have to....because really what we lost tonight was a GAME - okay and maybe a little respect (it was a REALLY bad game)....in the grand scheme of things its not even worth a conversation....but its very very hard to LIVE in the GRAND SCHEME.....yes, my kids are well aware that their aunt passed away, and that they have 2 teammates whose dads are in the hospital fighting cancer....they GET IT - the big picture....they know their dad is struggling, but they dont usually see their dad when they look at him - they see their COACH.....so its normal for them to put aside these BIG PICTURE problems and focus on the issues sitting in front of them....which TO THEM are pretty big.....because for these teenagers, life IS about sports and school and friends right now....and yes, family.....but MY big picture has a lot more to it than theirs....and that's okay
In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. It goes on. .... Robert Frost
i think another very difficult thing we have to teach our kids is how to have perspective....because so often we dont have it ourselves.....yes, i can remind them that there are bigger problems out there, but really all that does is make them feel guilty....its human nature to move forward....we pick up where we can and we just keep putting one foot in front of the other....for some of us thats harder to do and takes longer, but for some of us it just happens.....being busy is certainly one way to cope with sadness....but another is to just absorb the pain....and neither is more right than the other. having compassion for those who are struggling is so important, but so is trying to keep things as normal as possible.....so when you get hung up on the normal problems, its almost a relief!! it was almost nice to see kris so pissed tonight - because then for those few minutes at least he wasnt sad.....but then sitting there talking to the kids you have to make them understand that THEIR COACH is mad, and probably disappointed, but THEIR DAD isn't - he's still just mostly sad and trying to get thru the day.....so whether or not you got playing time or scored when you should just isnt on the radar in THE GRAND SCHEME of HIS things....even tho they are on yours.....its just a life lesson....one where i'm hoping they learn to just feel grateful that their dad is still here to bitch at.
yes, the game could have gone better....and work could have gone better....and the house could be cleaner.....and the bills could be paid.....and the cat could stop bringing dead moles into the house.....and homework could take less time.....and my hot tub could stop leaking....and my 5k could have permits already....but none of those things are happening.....and that's okay....because IN THE GRAND SCHEME those are NOT problems....they are annoyances.....and i need to stop being so easily annoyed by them!!
what i am NOT doing...i'm not worrying over my pregnant wife who has cancer and is going thru chemo at 30 weeks like my cousin scotty....i'm not worrying over my husband who was just diagnosed with leukemia like my friend teresa....i'm not battling cancer myself like kathy or lisa....i'm not watching my mom suffer from the final stages of her battle like my friend sam.....and i'm not trying to comfort my kids after losing their mom like my brother in law jimmy....
all i can do is have compassion for them and their struggles - and try to teach my kids to do the same....i can try my best to be as NORMAL as possible for them, but i can also show them that they have to look outside of their box once in awhile so they can appreciate all of the things INSIDE of it. and maybe take a second to offer a hand or a hug to those whose boxes are way more full of problems than ours.....
hug your family tonight extra hard....and be thankful for them every minute.....
You inspire ME. I Love You Deni!
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