and life goes on

first id like to just say thank you to everyone who has reached out to me and kb during this past week - its been very difficult and your support means the world to us....i am attempting to retrench and get back up to speed, and its my intention to get back on the wagon with the blogs after skipping most of last week.....thanks for hanging in there with me.

as many of you know, we came home friday to a lacrosse game, prom and the warriors 5k this weekend - so its been a bit busy, to say the least....and while i know we both want to just lay in bed and stay there right now, its just not possible... and while i will admit to some hardcore wallowing right now, i had to laugh today.....and im not sure whether i was laughing at the ridiculousness of life sometimes or just my own idiocy....so i'll let you decide :)

it all starts saturday, when i went up to the rail trail - scene of sunday mornings run....i had to mark the course - and of course looked like a crazy woman running a 5k with field paint in one hand and my keys and phone in the other.....and yes, i said field paint....why on earth it never occured to me to use CHALK, i'm not sure....but i'm just going to say its because i had a long week and wasnt firing on all cylinders...its a good excuse anyway....so yes, i used field paint to mark the course....and i woke up today to an email from our park administrator asking why someone would think about doing THIS to the trail...."isn't it a little permanent???"

and its a shabby job at that....not cute at all....here is where you can decide whether i'm sleep deprived or just an idiot...i'm thinking "field paint"...it'll come off in the rain, right? and just in case it rains, i should mark the start and turnaround pointson the concrete, right??  well unfortunately neither of those things are true or came to pass....so really there is just an ugly spray paint line on a public trail....AWESOME.....and now i have to go try to get it OFF of the lovely trail, before the park administrator never lets me use it ever again.....

this is the even uglier "after" pic.....the good news is that you CAN remove field paint with bottled water, oxyclean and a good scrub brush.....the bad news is that there is no water out on the trail, so i didnt exactly finish....at least the name of the crappy vandals is no longer out there :)

my point in telling you this, is that life goes on...in all its normality......even if we arent ready for it.  at this point last week, we were in NY trying to wrap our head around the tragedy of tiffs passing.....i have a feeling that will be true for a long long time to come....but since that moment, we have been moving forward - planning the memorials in ny, and gearing up for the 5k in june.  there are a million details to see to, in addition to the mundane stuff like paying bills, and going to middle school adolescence lectures.  we dont get time to just STOP and reflect....and maybe that's a good thing - i just dont know.

i think the hardest part for me, aside from the blindsiding moments of loss that you feel, is the inability to THINK...i'm just so scattered in my head - i have 15 things rattling around and no clear list of how to get them done....which is very UNlike me....so im doing what i need to do when i need to do it....which is okay i guess, but its not making my list any shorter !

i mean really deni?  FIELD PAINT???  i have like 400 colors of chalk that i 'm sure i had to move out of the way to GET to the paint....i'm just not thinking clearly....and i HATE THAT.  and i'm overwhelmed by my list - which happens on occasion, so its not like i've never been here before....but usually its not accompanied by the foggy brain.....or maybe i have early onset alzheimers :) i DO have a child old enough to go to PROM!!!  which is a whole other ball of wax there.....

so here i am, trying to make inroads into the thank you cards i have to send out for the Steel Lillies (which btw has already reached its $10,000 mark) and then i stop to do the blog.....which was interrupted by like 4 emails about the run, and of course lacrosse.....its just EVERYWHERE.....and i'm not sure how to reign it all back in....(and i'm seriously open to suggestions here)

the good news - i'm sure i'll figure it out eventually....and we have already raised over 10,000 for our fund....and people are registering everyday for our inaugural 5k....AND josh got straight As while we were gone.....and the LP lax 5k went really well (aside from the spray painting debacle).....so we will just keep on keeping on, hoping that everyday gets a little bit easier......trying to focus on the important things and letting go of the mistakes.....after all, there isnt a whole lot that cant be fixed with oxyclean and elbow grease :)

It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little -

do what you can.  ~Sydney Smith