turning points

last night i skipped the blog....which i have REALLY attempted not to do....a large part of my living with INTENTION this year is my commitment to writing the blog....so on the couple of nights i've not written, i have made sure to "make it up" somehow....you see i am also scrapbooking the blog and i don't want there to be any "holes"....which is one way i'm holding myself accountable....UNTIL yesterday that is.....

i bought kris tickets to the birchmere to see kathleen madigan for christmas....we LOVE her - she is hysterically funny and i'm super glad that we went....but this has been a ridiculously busy week, after a bunch of other ridiculously busy weeks, and i was just BEAT when we got home.....i'm actually at the point where if i hadn't had 2 appointments with my boss today, i may not have gotten out of bed....

so no blog....i had every intention of "making up" this morning, but just couldn't make myself get out of bed early enough.....so here i am, just getting home from work - after YET ANOTHER ridiculously busy day, facing the first real test of my commitment to this project....its like everything else - skipping one day is okay MAYBE, but once you skip 2 days, you are no longer holding yourself accountable....its the beginning of the slippery slope to never doing it again!! just like working out!!!  once you skip 2 days in a row, you may as well take the week off - or the month - or the rest of your life.....cuz once you see how much more TIME you have NOT doing it, you never want to make the time again!!

so as i'm driving home at 10:30, i'm arguing with myself....i really really REALLY just want to go climb into bed...but i KNOW that if i dont' do the blog, it will have officially made the turn in my mind from a COMMITMENT to an option....and once something is optional these days, you may as well kiss it goodbye!! like practice the other night.....clearly games are still mandatory, but practice is optional....and you can bet your ass the only way i'm going is if someone drives up here to pick me up!!

“From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached.” Seneca

THAT is the point i struggle with.....at what point do the things that seem like a struggle STOP becoming a chore, and become just another thing that you do??  shouldn't i feel that way about exercise after all these YEARS of doing it???  shouldn't i feel that way about running by NOW??  i'm like 100 miles into my training for this half marathon!!!  shouldn't getting my ass out of bed for WORK be easier by now??  i mean COME ON!!  at what point does the sunshine and light automatically kick in??

maybe it doesn't.....maybe a part of being the sunshine is in the CHOICE......i realized as i was debating with myself tonight that me writing this blog is about ME and testing my own limits and commitment...but it also has become about YOU....in writing about the things i struggle with, i hope i am helping to make you all feel a little less crazy about the stuff you struggle with.....we are in this together.....and the turning point i reached tonight - the one that kept me going - was that i can't ask YOU to be the sunshine, if i get to pick and choose when it applies to me.....so even though this isn't super sunny, i'm thankful that i have gained perspective from all of your feedback!!  every little bit DOES help.....and though my part in bringing the sunshine may be small, its still my part....and i'm going to do what i can WHILE i can!!  so it really isn't a choice at all!!

in deference to my missing yesterday blog, here you go :)

i'd like to say in regards to International Women's Day, that i really do love you all and appreciate that you take the time to not only read the blog, but send me feedback!!!  i think a large part in empowering us as women involves debunking the of the SUPERWOMAN myth......no one out there, no matter how smart or organized or seemingly together is PERFECT....her life is not perfect, her kids are not perfect, her marriage is not perfect....but that doesn't mean its not GREAT!!  we are allowed to be human, and have shortcomings, and bad days.....we are allowed to be mean or emotional, or dump on our friends....we are allowed to make mistakes and ADMIT to them.....and we are allowed to break down sometimes!!  none of that means wer aren't STRONG.....and beautiful....and caring...and compassionate....brave, determined, successful.....we ARE all of those and more.....and we need to start looking OUT for each other and lifting each other UP.....not knocking each other down because we aren't each others idea of "perfect"....

Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.  ~Harriet Braiker

and regardless of all the ways in which we aren't perfect, we are still doing our BEST...we are master jugglers and we manage to do all that needs to be done ... AND we do it with STYLE!!  let's CELEBRATE that!!  i LOVE you all!!  and you all ROCK :)