the second is that i ran my first (and maybe only) half marathon - you'll notice i said maybe, right? the reason for the maybe is because today i feel like i was exposed to several enlightening moments...about myself mostly - but also about people in general....and i think that may be worth a revisit....i also am not sure i want to let all this training slip by the wayside, but that's going to take a lot more thought - today i could be riding on my "high" of accomplishment - we will have to see how i feel tomorrow morning when i attempt to get out of bed :)
ok so the day started at oh-dark-thirty this morning....as i'm trying to walk off my anxiety and stay warm - and try not to stress about the fact that the girl i am running with is 8 inches taller than me and 11 years younger - please dont let me slow her down, or throw up, or have to walk...because we all know that if i have to walk i will NEVER start running again....i'm the turtle - slow and steady wins the race and all that....and i am surrounded by all these thousands of people who look completely comfortable about running these 13 miles - and most of whom are in COSTUME of some kind....i have never seen more green tutus in my life!!! hilarious - and i will say gave me all kinds of stuff to look at while i was running....but probably the most notable thing i noticed while i was running is that there really is no "type" of runner....i have always looked at myself and thought i'm just not a runner.....and that is a load of crap....because let me tell you that i saw people of all shapes and sizes KICKING ASS running today....skinny, fat, short, tall, muscular, dumpy, old, young .... you name it - they were running today - and most of them were running IN FRONT of me!!
"There are clubs you can't belong to, neighborhoods you can't live in, schools you can't get into, but the roads are always open." - Nike
there are a zillion people out there every day who run BECAUSE THEY CAN....i always assumed i was not a runner because it doesn't come easy for me and because i dont especially like it - probably because its not easy!! but as i looked around today at all these sweating people, pushing themselves to their limits, challenging their bodies to give MORE, i realized that running doesn't have to be easy for you to be a runner!! it helps if you are a competitive runner, but really anyone can run for the accomplishment.....and i dont know why i never thought about it before .... i mean anyone can play softball - just because you may not be good at it doesn't mean you can't play - you just shouldn't play with the crazy ass competitors - running is no different - i should not enter any races with the expectations of winning....its not my area of strength - but that by no means precludes me from rising to the challenge....now the decision becomes do i actually WANT to do it again??
for the first time ever i understood what my roommate meant when she said you find a place when you run where everything else just goes away.... i wont say i found that kind of zenlike understanding today, but i will say that i was MOVED by my run today....as silly as this sounds, i was fighting back tears for the whole first 2 miles - mostly because there were so many people around me running FOR things - shirts dedicated to friends, survivors, military - families pushing those with special needs in jogging strollers.....these runs MEAN something to so many people - they are not just exercise....and for me, it was a very meaningful day....i can't tell you how many times over the years i have uttered the words "there is no way i will ever run a half marathon - my knees can't take it".....it was my all over cop-out when approached to run or train - and i honestly would never have even considered it had it not been for laura.....and then once the whole idea of the steel lillies came about, of course i no longer felt like i COULD cop out - not when so many others who WANT to run, really can't!! and then an amazing thing happened......i actually felt proud of myself, for the first time in a very long time i did something that was DIFFICULT for me - and i did it well!! i actually rocked it - well for me, anyway!! i not only ran all 13.1 but i beat my goal time by 8 minutes - and i felt STRONG for the first time in a long time!!
"If you run, you are a runner. It doesn't matter how fast or how far. It doesn't matter if today is your first day or if you've been running for twenty years. There is no test to pass, no license to earn, no membership card to get. You just run."
--John Bingham
--John Bingham
i realized today that ANYONE can be a runner, even me..... i dont have to like it or be good at it - i just have to DO IT....apparently nike had it right all along....the requirement for ANYTHING is that you JUST DO IT!! profound realization from an ad slogan!!! and while i am sorry i tortured my husband on his birthday with spectating a run (boring) and a 3.5 hour ride home (awful), i am happy that he was there to see me finish....i may not be as light or cute or muscular as i was at 20, but dammit i'm more determined and STRONGER in all the ways that count at 40!! and maybe, just maybe i'll be rocking these races at 60 -like so many of the incredible people who passed me today!!INSPIRATION is everywhere, if we only take the time to look!!!
"I run because it's so symbolic of life. You have to drive yourself to overcome the obstacles. You might feel that you can't. But then you find your inner strength, and realize you're capable of so much more than you thought." --Arthur Blank
this is a philosophy i am trying to adopt... in all things....i just have to keep moving forward - learning my lessons as they come and creating positive activity.....one day, one moment, one experience at a time :)
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