tired is never good

i dont know about you guys, but probably the very worst thing i can be is TIRED.....and as you might imagine, its been a long few days, weeks and even months.....i would go so far as to say i haven't slept well in a really long time - and apparently this last little thing was the one that sent me over the edge from exhausted to emotional mess....and believe me, exhausted is not cute, but emotional mess is atrocious!!

i am not really an "in your face" emotional person to begin with - it takes alot to hurt my feelings (usually) and i have pretty thick skin - probably because i am so direct (that's my nice description) myself.....but when i get tired, boy, does that change with a quickness!!  so not only am i OVERLY sensitive, i have zippy patience - and that my friends is a bad bad combination.....especially when you consider that i have no patience to begin with!!

so today, i am attempting to tie up some loose ends on the frank and lori front, but i'm stressed out on a parental level because my freshman is having his "varsity" debut/tryout....in the goal, no less....and my husband (and his coach) has to miss the game - so asked me to film it (which i suck at) and text him the blow by blow.....i'm also doing the normal juggling work and josh stuff.....and i get an email from the lady administering the fund i started for tiff with the press release for that, and an email from my sister in law about a fundraising idea.....and a couple of "we need to finalize these dates/times" emails for lacrosse.....really almost all of it was my norm EXCEPT that for whatever reason, it was just too much to take today.....

and NONE of this remotely compares to what frank and lori, or tiff are going thru right now....so it makes me feel like a shmuck for whining....but there you go.....i really am always happy to help - i thrive on busy....busy works for me and gives me purpose....and then occasionally busy knocks me down....and once it knocks me down, apparently my emotions decide THAT'S the appropriate time to jump out.....and they JUMP....i'm weepy, i'm mad, i'm short tempered, i'm sad - and for absolutely no reason....i just can not handle being tired - and then i have to apologize to my kids for EVERYTHING because i'm not angry at them or upset really, i'm just not on top of my game - and unfortunately i take it out on them ..... i actually gave josh a hard time tonight for WALKING TOO SLOW in walmart....yup THAT is a capital offense and he should be shot! ugh....don't you just hate when you are being crazy and can't seem to stop yourself??? (god, i hope that happens to other people too)

on a positive note, my freshman kicked ass - as did my junior....and with any luck at all i am looking at a season where for the first time ever, my two oldest will play on the same team!!  and the sinclairs are moving in the right direction.....they still have a long way to go - but they have plenty of support and i know they will take the ball and run with it!!  and while i was already cranky i paid my bills, so that can't ruin my mood tomorrow :)

i also have the weekend to look forward to, where me and my hubby get to go away for a minute to ring in his 40th...if it weren't for me actually having to run 13.1 for the pleasure, i'd be on cloud 9 - this may be as close as i get to a beach for awhile, so i'm embracing it!!  so see, there IS a silver lining....sometimes i just have to look harder to find it - and maybe learn how to shut my brain down at night so i can get some sleep!!