the balls to try

in light of my most recent blog, i started to think about a lot of things pertaining to parenting - why we do the things we do and where our general direction comes from.  because parenting, like so many other things, is trial and error.  its picking and choosing what we liked as kids ourselves and what we think will work - and what we think is important.  and obviously those choices are different.  its an interesting study when you think about it.  who do you consider "good" parents? and what, if anything, do they have in common?

i have to say that as i reflect about my kids, the thing i am the MOST proud of at this point is this:  they all have the balls to TRY.  they arent afraid to put themselves out there, even if it means rejection or failure.  they have learned that if you give nothing, you get nothing.  but if you give your best, sometimes you get it all!  no risk, no reward.  and to me, one of the best i can teach them.  you definitely cant win if you dont play, right?

The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed.  ~Lloyd Jones

the irony is that as i was jotting notes on this topic, jake randomly tweeted "honestly, if i dont get in, you dont know how many times i'm going to have to say it.  everyone knows i applied to princeton #my own fault".  and while my heart lurches a bit when i read that, i admire the shit out of him for both throwing his hat in the ring with the big boys AND admitting his vulnerability about it.  there is no guarantee he will get in.  but i respect him for trying.  and he knows that if he doesnt get in, he did everything in his power to try to make it happen.  sometimes thats all you can do.  obviously its my most fervent wish that he get in.  but i'll be as proud of him either way.  he could have chosen to take the easier, certainly less stressful route and only applied where he knows he can get in.  but he wants the challenge.  and as with all challenges, sometimes you come out on  top, and sometimes you don't.  i absolutely LOVE that he continues to rise to the occasions.

For us, there is only the trying.  The rest is not our business.  ~T.S. Eliot

and then there is my boy luke.  most would say my quietest, less "out there" child.  luke has always had a very good sense of risk/reward.  but this year its like some inner fire has been lit and he is pushing himself to new places.  he tried out for Unplugged at laplata - the acapella singing group.  you could have knocked me over when he said he wanted to try out.  but he did.  and he made it.  and apparently is rocking it out so far.  but wow, what a limb to step out on.  i love that he is putting himself out there in the spotlight a bit.  its something he has always shied away from before.  its got to be hard sandwiched between jake and josh.....one louder and bolder than the next.  but he is making his own place...and it rocks! he also tried out for jv basketball this year.  knowing that there was a good chance he wouldnt make it.  and he didn't.  basketball is not the bayers best sport, and luke has always been good but not great.  but what i think again makes him stand out is his willingness to take the chance.  i know so many kids that didnt try out because they didnt think they would make it.  and thats fine.  nothing wrong with it.  but i would much rather my kid learn how to deal with the disappointment, knowing he gave it his best shot.  life is not always sunshine and roses.  but there is pride i think in the attempt, even when you dont reach the goal.  and its his willingness to test his own limits that will set luke apart.  you know that sayiing "get knocked down 7 times, stand up 8"??  that to me IS luke.  and i love it.

There is no failure except in no longer trying.  ~Elbert Hubbard

its a little harder for josh because he's  younger.  and a whole lot more self conscious at most middle schoolers are.  but we had the same discussion about basketball (again, not our best sport).  he made the "select" team last year, but didnt play as much as he would have liked.  so when try outs came around this year, i didnt think he would want to go.  but he did.  he went and he gave it his best.  he hustled and left it all out there.  did he make it?  we dont know yet.  but either way, he knows that he tried.  and i'm glad he is starting already to make these choices.  obviously he sees his brothers.  but he could make the choice to not push.  it would have been very easy to play rec and be one of the better players - get a little more playing time and attention.  but he knows if he wants to get better, he needs to try to play with the better kids.  so go josh.

If you're doing your best, you won't have any time to worry about failure. 

i apologize if this one was a little self indulgent.  but i AM proud of them.  for a lot of reasons. i hope they never lose their determination and drive.  magic can happen when you are willing to walk out on the limbs that others might not, even if sometimes its scary.  to me its one of the best lessons.

so i'm proud, and i'm thankful.  for all of it.  every bit of failure and success.  every heartbreak and joy.  all of those experiences have put me here.  and made me the person and mother that i am.  doing my best. which is all i can do.  still putting myself out there.  its all a part of the bigger picture that i'm trying to paint for the boys.  i love that so far they seem to be seeing it!