i'm guessing i'm not the only person out there who has a food trigger. now i have ALWAYS had a serious relationship with food. to the point that i could PROBABLY get away with attending one of those crazy food addict classes. i may not look like it (or maybe i do), but food is my crutch. i'm not one of those go home and have a glass of wine or beer kind of people.... especially after a bad day. as a matter of fact, i really only like to drink when i'm having fun. when i feel yucky or sad or just plain blah, i always always reach for food.
the ridiculous irony in all of this is that i have my specialty cert for my personal training in nutrition...which is laughable at best, and horrifying at worst. unless you do as i SAY and not as i DO. i absolutely KNOW the right answers. i know how to eat healthy and have read and studied it fairly extensively. again, food is my obsession so it makes some kind of wacked out sense that not only do i like to EAT food, i also like to read about it!
i have dragged my friends and clients through some very interesting food experiments over the years. and what i have totally come to realize is that FOOD, but like fitness is unique to the individual. should you eat 5x a day or 3? well i'm hear to tell you that "grazing" only works if you are serious about measuring your food. cuz if you are anything like me and you eat 5x a day, you are going to up your calorie intake by 60%.
with all that being said, it still makes me laugh at myself when i reach for a giant frosting covered sugar cookie....you know the ones you buy prepackaged that have colored icing and sprinkles of some kind....the ones that are 6000 calories EACH...i love them. LOOOOVEEE them. and i know i absolutely should not eat them...EVER. its like sucking down a bag of sugar. i may as well take them out of the package and glue them to my ass. but then i wouldnt get to loooove them while i was eating them!!
now when things are going well, i dont even let myself buy them. you know, even though they are also josh's favorite thing. because i know if they are in the house, i will obsess over them until they are gone. which is RIDICULOUS. i live in the land of junk food. there are about 15 candy bars in my fridge and 6 bags of chips in my closet. i buy toaster strudel and pop tarts and double stuff oreos on the regular. and aside from the chips, i dont ever touch that stuff. its the DAMN SUGAR COOKIES!!
and then reese's decided to conspire against me. back in the day, when i was pregnant with jake, my obsession with reese peanut butter eggs started. i probably ate 400 thousand of them in the month before i delivered. and i looked forward to those eggs every year. i can take or leave regular reese cups (altho i do like them smashed up in a blizzard), but for some reason the amazingness of the combination in EGG form, sends me over the edge. and luckily for me, for YEARS it was only the eggs. but NOW, i can get reese EGGS, HEARTS, PUMPKINS and now CHRISTMAS TREES...so basically there is more time when the yummy shapes are available than not. im so screwed. and i have ZERO willpower. its a giant weakness. really the ONLY recourse i have is to leave them in my car, so MAYBE they will melt. because i hate melty chocolate. so sometimes i buy them at the checkout counter at wawa, then leave them sitting in my car all day to see if they melt. its like some kind of cosmic test. can i hold out all day? and will they be melty by the time i give in? its a sickness.
i'm bringing this up tonight because i've had a little string here of not terrible, just not great days. and that is when i find i am at my least able to resist point. when i'm feeling really good, i work out more, which makes me more able to not shove my face. when i'm feeling super bad, i feel guilty when i eat (believe me, that doesnt happen often). and when i'm just a little down, i consume food. i do all the wrong things. fast food, chips, cookies. its like if i already feel yucky, i may as well eat yummy food. like it will help. when we all know that eventually it will just make me feel bad. and with any luck at all re-jump start a workout fit of some kind. its a neverending cycle.
only exacerbated by those stupid sugar cookies. and the damn reese peanut butter christmas trees. i'm sure you've all heard the slogan "food is fuel". well in my world, it not only feeds the body, it also feeds my neurosis!!
the moral of this story....never ever ever take any kind of nutrition advice from me. never
Everything I eat has been proved by some doctor or other to be a deadly poison,
and everything I don't eat has been proved to be indispensable for life. But I
go marching on. ~George Bernard Shaw
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