of all the things that i have come to realize this year, both big and small, i find this really small, insignificant change to be amazingly representative of where i've come to be in my life. and ironically, it involves running. of all things.
i guess by now, if you've read the blog with any consistency, you know about my love/hate relationship with running - its evolved from a hate/hate, so i'm at least growing a little bit. now in my mind, i will NEVER be a "runner". i dont ever get the runner's "high" and i really don't enjoy it. HOWEVER, its become symbolic for me in so many ways. what started out as a tribute to laura, took on a life of its own - as running became that THING that was so hard for me to do, but something i promised myself i wouldn't take for granted. again, in my own mind i run for those i've lost who would give anything to be able to run again. so of course its also always emotional. i can tell you i cry more when i run than just about anyone i've ever heard of....which is ridiculous...and EMBARASSING. and probably a bit crazy to anyone who happens to be near me when it happens.
i ran the first leg of the RELAY at the baltimore marathon this year. 6 miles - straight uphill. it SUCKED. but i'm making the best of it- cool atmosphere - zillions of people - good weather. and yet, STILL running UPHILL....so just about the time i'm getting ready to say "f this", i crest the hill. i get hit full in face with the rising sun - and my ipod starts to play "shinin on me" by jerrod niemann....(which of course is when i tear up)
Today the sun is shinin' on me
Sitting with my feet in the breeze
Ain't sweating the little things
And who knows what tomorrow is gonna bring
But today, the sun, shinin' on me
Sitting with my feet in the breeze
Ain't sweating the little things
And who knows what tomorrow is gonna bring
But today, the sun, shinin' on me
it was just one of those MOMENTS that hit you and you think "damn, i'm so lucky to be here". it didn't make the RUN any more fun, but it made the moment a million times more significant.....which in turn made the run totally worthwhile. and its those kind of moments that keep me signing up for stuff. that and trish, who has become my running partner - who i thank in my head almost every day, but not nearly enough to her face. without her PRESENCE, her determination, her motivation, i'm pretty sure a whole heck of alot of my running would have fallen by the wayside. its just another one of those interesting life things.....people come to you when you need them to. i've always told my kids (in the life isnt fair discussion) that you get what you need when you need it. i'm starting to believe that goes for people as well. i didn't know i needed a running buddy until i got one. so many people have come into my life that have filled very specific needs that i wasnt even aware of. and i'm so grateful about that most of all. i hope you know you are and that i truly do appreciate (in no particular order) the shoulder to cry on, the ear for the work bitchfest, the lunch partner, the running buddy, the bff, the blog loyalist, the motivator, the support......you know the list goes on, but you get the idea.
like most things that i ramble about, the biggest changes for me are always internal. back in march, when i ran my first half marathon, i bought a charm that said "mind over miles".....because for me, it wasnt so much the run, but what the run signified. it was a HUGE milestone for me. i never in a million years expected to be able to run 13.1 miles. i made excuses for YEARS about why it just wasnt possible.....and my staple and go to was always that i just couldnt run that far bc of my knees. or maybe really because i was just a wimp. because obviously i CAN run that far. but i believe the mental obstacle was so much bigger than the physical one. i trained and worried and stressed about that first set of 13.1 like i was going to the olympics. it was the day i proved to myself that it could be done. its THAT mental awakening that led to the shift.
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