With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. - martin luther king jr
the avon walk was everything i thought it would be - and more.....and less, if that makes sense. there were moments of blinding inspiration.....followed my hours of sheer monotony....oh, and blisters - really awful, truly yucky blisters.
i dont know how many of you have walked, but i know several of my friends have....and i have so much more respect for anyone who has done it and sheer amazement at the repeaters....because it was tough - both mentally and physically - and i guess that's the point - not only are you raising money, but you are trying to share in the empathy of those who suffer with cancer. the survivors ROCK!! they attack the walk and kick its ass - and maybe that's when motivation comes into play - if you have something to PROVE then maybe the walk is not monotonous....i feel like it was important for me to be there - to show solidarity and sisterhood - but i have to be honest - this was really hard for me......and probably not for the right reasons.
the team i walked with does it every year (god love them) - the woman who started the team walked WITH her mother the first year and then subsequently lost her - so for her and her sisters and family, it is a very personal journey - and when you are walking you see all the tributes and reasons people walk and you understand WHY its important....my favorite motivation - "we walk for those who can't" - my favorite slogan - "blisters dont need chemo" - they keep things in perspective....and help to keep you moving.
my challenge is that more recently my opinion on cancer and its fundraising and awareness objectives has changed....obviously everyone at the walk, or mostly everyone, has a very real tie to BREAST cancer - and while aunt bobbi had breast cancer, she also had cancer in her liver, bladder and stomach....and with the recent losses of laura and tiff to other forms of cancer, my heart just wasnt in the breast cancer mode....or not wholeheartedly - i clearly feel for those suffering with breast cancer but my "personal" motivation lies elsewhere.....so the actual WALKING part of this effort was a sheer battle of wills - between me and my feet and my subconscious.
picture the girl with NO ATTENTION SPAN - then picture her TRUDGING (because there is no other word for it) for ELEVEN HOURS.....now imagine that she has a strained achilles from her first half marathon, so she's walking funny.....which creates 2 MASSIVE blisters on her heels......now these are all just annoyances, right - because clearly blisters dont need chemo - so i should just shut up.....but the thing is i'm BORED on top of it.....i've been in dc a zillion times - there's no oohing and ahhing over the scenery - just a very slow, very long countdown......with nothing to do but THINK....which is never good for me.....and then every so often someone says "isn't this FUN"??? and i think, um NO its not fun....not even a little....have you seen the movie Remember the Titans? when coach boone is harassing petey for thinking football is fun....and when he finally asks him "is football fun now?" petey says "no, no sir....ZERO FUN, sir"....well that's the quote that kept popping up in my head if that tells you anything....
so here i am the fun-sucker of the trip.....which is odd for me - i'm usually up for a challenge and happy to support a cause - i just dont know why this was so UNfun for me....i will say i am happy that i signed up and raised the money....and i'm actually somewhat proud of myself for not caving in and calling the shuttle, even though my feet, heel and calf may never recover....and can i say one more time that all those women (and men) that show up, stay positive, make cute outfits and slogans ROCK!! i have so much love for them....i just realized i'm not one of them....which is kind of sad, but also realistic....you know that this was not my best thing when i can honestly say the best part of the walk was sleeping in the tent....OUTSIDE!!
my sister is truly a trooper... i have roped her into some dumb stuff over the years - but 17 hours of walking in 2 days probably takes the cake .... we had a few great moments - shared hilarity over silly events and just overall slap-happiness - and she never complained.....she just stopped to pet all the puppies along the route and listened to her grumpy sister bitch - she's the best.....and i am so grateful that we got to do this together .... that was the big positive for me - so thanks li - for putting up with me and being the best sister ever!
in hindsight i'm glad i did it....ONCE....i'm glad i carried my bag with my personal tributes every step of those 39.3 miles...i'm glad i didn't stop even though i really really wanted to....i'm glad i shared the experience with team boobylicious and my sister.....and i hope i helped in some small way to add to the dent that the avon foundation is making in its fight against breast cancer. and i hope i learned some things about how to pull off a large scale event - so that next year when i decide to torture my sister with a stupid idea, it will be to support our STEEL Lillies fund - and the fight against ALL cancers!
The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning. Mitch Albom
we all need to figure out what has meaning for us personally...because that makes all the difference.....for those affected by breast cancer in any fashion, i hope you continue to walk and raise money and wear pink because its important work.....for those of us who have been affected by other cancers, its time we took up the banner for our causes and make an impact.....i hope in the very near future none of this is necessary and that cancer is gone forever....but until then we all need to do what we can to keep chipping away it.....in all of its forms. and i can promise you that whatever we come up with for STEEL Lillies will NOT involve BLISTERS.....cuz even tho they dont need chemo, they still SUCK :)
If I could hug you through the computer, I would. I know how uncomfortable and miserable you were but you never gave in and showed again why you're my rock.
ReplyDeleteThanks for supporting ALL cancers,including breast cancer. Having breast cancer is so much more than wearing pink. Slap a pink ribbon on stationery, stuffed poodles, bracelets, bumper stickers or coffee mugs and it becomes a “cute cause”. Silly, laughing women walking for a cure, fist pumping & shouting empowerment to the sky, kids collecting bracelets that say “I love boobies” because it’s cool, NFL players wearing pink cleats.You can’t trivialize the disease because “Boobies” are infected. Breasts are a symbol of femininity & sexuality. Many women feel their breasts have been mutilated & they have long-lasting emotional, physical and social effects – dressing in the dark, avoiding intimacy – because they don’t feel womanly anymore. Mastectomies and radiation leave visible scars that can be seen on the OUTSIDE. You’re never the same, a very intimate & personal part of your body has been cut off & you have absolutely no feeling in your breasts what so ever. No pleasure, no sensation, except for nerve pain-itching, throbbing and pins and needles caused by nerves cut during surgery. On the day treatment is finished; survivors don’t jump for joy and VIOLA - life returns to normal. Life is NEVER NORMAL again as you once knew it. It disfigures your body in ways that other cancers do not. Society glamorizes, fetishizes, and focuses on women's breasts so much, from Playboy, movies, video games; magazine covers. The rate of women having boob jobs is higher than ever - 2 million women in the US have fake boobs; about 300,000 are having plastic surgery every year. Why? Because they want bigger, fuller, more beautiful breasts to make them feel better about themselves…breast cancer completely strips that from you! Imagine having NO BOOBS? Or for a man having your penis cut off, replaced with a fake one for looks only – no pleasure, no function, no hard on, no feeling. Let me be clear, breast reconstruction after a mastectomy is NOT the same as getting a boob job, you cannot compare the two. People say, at least you can have beautiful breasts…WRONG. With so much focus on the breast cancer, like pink ribbons, "save the ta-tas," it's easy to push aside the darkness that comes with losing part of your body! Breast construction leaves scars. Many women lose their nipples and their own skin. Reconstruction can result in fake nipples “tattooed” on your breasts & skin grafting from other parts of your body for the breast skin – leaving more scars. Radiation causes permanent discoloration of the skin. Many women also have full hysterectomies because breast cancer thrives on estrogen. Not only do patients lose their breasts, they also lose other female organs – causing more depression, insecurity and a feeling of being “less of a woman”, not to mention the inability to have children or being medically kicked into early menopause on overdrive. Weight gain & fatigue are extremely common side effects from the breast cancer treatment. Breast cancer is the most common cancer in woman – 1 in 8 women will get it. About 240,000 women were diagnosed last year – there were more women who had boob jobs last year. What does that say about the “image” society projects about women and their breasts? Breast cancer most often reoccurs in the liver, lungs, brain & bones. Even though it comes back in your lungs, for example, it’s still considered breast cancer because that’s where it started. The fear of reoccurrence never goes away – you have chest congestion, headaches or joint pain and you fear the worst. Even though survival rates have increased, breast cancer deaths are still the 2nd highest for women – lung cancer is #1. Sorry to go on a rant & get on my soap box, but I have strong opinions – especially when some people trivialize the disease. So – even though you hated it, and it was NOT FUN, your contribution to the walk, the $ you raised and the time you spent…DO MAKE A DIFFERENCE for all types of cancer. I love you my dear, thoughtful, amazing friend!
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