how to say goodbye

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.  ~From a headstone in Ireland

i think the hardest part about losing someone is the not knowing.....not knowing what to say....or what to do....or when it might get easier.....when you might stop crying out of the blue for no apparent reason...

how can you give comfort to those who need it when you cant seem to find any for yourself?  i lost a sister, a friend, a sometimes foe.....but my husband lost a rock - a part of his foundation and his lifelong partner in crime....my in laws lost a daughter, and tiff's family lost their mother and love....there are NO WORDS that make any of that any better.....

tiff and i have an interesting history...of course i wasnt good enough for her only brother....who would be?  and she was TOUGH.....like me - so we spent a lot of time butting heads over silly stuff - she liked to put the coffee maker over my head so i couldnt reach it, and i liked to leave my stuff out on the counter where it made her nuts....its what we did.....family dynamics are a funny thing....we vacationed together for 20 years....and we argued...alot....and of course those are the things you feel sad and guilty about when someone gets sick..... i should have been nicer- i shouldnt have let those things bother me....but in reality when you have 2 really opinionated women, those silly fights are inevitable... i know that...and i realized we also spent a lot of time doing  other things....we shopped REALLY WELL...and we loved a corona light on the beach.....we both loved our family and loved to do artsy crafty stuff.....fun stuff that you do when you get together and have 5 kids to entertain.....and the one thing that always always always was at the center of it all is that we both love kris....so USUALLY we managed to rein it in before anyone lost any limbs !!  and we cut a serious swath thru tj maxx :)

my favorite word for tiff is feisty....she was a fighter - so i think the hardest part about her getting sick was that she didnt really attack her cancer.....of course, no one could know exactly how bad it was and how much pain she was in almost from the beginning....so i know she DID fight....in her way....until she just couldnt do it anymore.....and here we are - not 16 months from her original diagnosis....dealing with this loss.....this terribly wrong, grossly unfair loss....of yet ANOTHER 39 year old wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin and friend.....i just cant make sense of it.

"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next." Mignon McLaughlin

the one thing that doesnt seem to change is that for those left behind, life goes on....not in the way you expect or want, but it does keep going.....of course in the short term there are the arrangements and dealing with the immediate issues....those are the things that make it possible to put one foot in front of the other.....tiff's husband is absolutely amazing - he has handled her illness better than anyone i have ever seen.....but he just was not prepared to lose her.....and how could you be?  kris' mom has been at tiff's side every single day since her diagnosis.....and having survived cancer herself probably knew better than anyone the toll this would take on tiff....but no one thought it would happen this fast.....or was prepared in any way for her passing...i just dont know how to help or what they will do next week when no one else is around and they have to start looking at their "new normal" lives without tiff.....what can anyone possibly do to make that any easier??

i think you have to BELIEVE that she is better off without her pain - even while knowing that YOU are NOT without her...

i think you have to have FAITH that she is in a better place - even while knowing that YOUR PLACE is not nearly as good.

i think you need to LEAN on those around you, after having been STRONG for so long yourself...

and mostly i think you just have to have COURAGE to face each day.....and live it to the best of your ability  - because that is what she most wanted to be able to do herself - and would want for each of us

"the longer you wait for the future -the shorter it will be" - loesge

how many more reminders do we need to be nicer, happier, more forgiving, less dramatic?  i'm not sure i can take anymore.  but i am going to keep trying to take the hint....life IS too short to spend any of it MAD or UPSET over silly things.....each and every person that we have let into our life is an absolute GIFT...one that can be taken from us at any time.....with no rhyme or reason.....we dont get to pick who stays and who goes.....so we need to make sure each person we love KNOWS how much we love them....how much we VALUE them and what they bring to our lives....before its too late.

i know that when this picture was taken...in 1995, i figured i would spend the rest of my life bickering with tiff....we turned it into its own sport over the 22 years we had together....what i didnt realize is that it wasnt the rest of MY life that i had to worry about.....

i'm not sorry for the fights we had....deep down we both kind of enjoyed that....we were both kind of perverse like that and it was good for family gossip - i told kris i feel kind of like megamind when he lost metroman......lost without my family foil (if you've seen the movie)....

what i AM sorry for is that i didnt tell tiff often enough what i loved about her....not the least of which was that she was a FABULOUS AUNT - boy did she love my kids (and they her).....i'm sorry i didnt make more of an effort to see her when she got sick.....and i'm sorry that i will  never again be able to walk into tj maxx without busting into tears (much like i did yesterday - which was both highly embarrassing and funny at the same time)....i wont go into all the things i wished i'd said....i have to believe that tiff knows i loved her - and i did....i wouldnt have wasted the time fighting with her if i didnt :)

you probably know about the fund we started when tiff got sick....of course that takes on a whole new meaning now....we are moving ahead with the 5k as planned on June 10th and i know more things will follow.  in her own unique way, tiff will leave behind a tremendous legacy...not only in her children and her family....but in how many people truly will rally behind her to fight this damn disease on her behalf.

if laura taught me to "be the sunshine" then tiff is teaching me to "rage against the dying of the light".....there is so much here worth fighting for.....and while i know i need to embrace my life and live it to the full, i also need to stand up and FIGHT for what i want to happen.....its the very least i can do to honor her and to make sure her memory lives on and makes a difference.

Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart, cling to them as you would your life...For without them, life is meaningless..

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,

Because their words had forked no lightning they

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright

Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,

And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight

Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,

Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.

Do not go gentle into that good night.

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

 

let the sun shine

i love the way the sun filtered thru this picture....and it seemed to be a great way to sum up my day....i had an absolutely lovely day doing nothing really out of the ordinary....except we all spent time together and took a minute to appreciate it....

after my late night easter bunny duties (filling & hiding 48 egss and 4 baskets, in case you were wondering), we woke up to a super fun easter egg hunt...after which we all laid on the couches and watched HOP.....and after THAT i convinced ALL OF THE BOYS to go for a quick 2 mile jog around the neighborhood....just to make all that candy go down a little easier :)

my sisters came over for a CRABFEST - which is definitely a strange easter brunch....but it worked!! the boys played one bounce, we got ice cream and here we are....really a pretty normal day in the grand scheme of things....but one that felt special somehow.

THE JOURNEY IS THE REWARD - chinese proverb

i know i dont take enough time to stop and smell the roses.....i am always always always rushing from one thing to the next....for some reason a holiday makes us slow down and take a minute to look around at all the blessings we have.....and i truly am so lucky to have my family.....i know they are growing up super fast, but they aren't gone yet.....and rather than spend time worrying about when that happens, i need to just take a second to enjoy them today....

its a variation on a theme, i know....but i'm not sure if you got this from my incredibly depressing funk writing, but i LIKE a PLAN.....i like knowing what is coming next.....i'm USUALLY ok if my plan changes, but i sincerely dont function well without a plan....i like knowing that we go to florida for spring break, and rochester for thanksgiving....i count on my trips to ocean city and florida for softball.....and none of these things are set in stone.....but they are habits and patterns that i find COMFORTABLE....so when i dont go to florida for spring break, im not sure how to react....clearly this year, i did not react well...i pouted and stewed...both VERY ATTRACTIVE qualities!! 

but today i rallied...i actually started to rally friday,but it was in full force today....i feel like i'm back, for the most  part.....apparently spring break is MENTAL...and while i still see my glowing white legs in the picture with the boys (because usually they would be TAN right about now), i mostly see the smiling faces of my boys!!  and that my friends is getting over a big hump for me....i'm sure you all saw a million cliches today on facebook and everywhere else....and i hate to be repetitive, but this is really the one that stuck with me today.....on easter.....

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.  - psalm 118:24

i know i'm GLAD.....even going thru all the crazy stuff we have all have going on, there is always time to find something to be glad about....and usually a lot more than one thing....but even when it is only ONE thing, it always makes you feel better to think about it.....misery is self perpetuating.... i know because i was letting myself slide into it....and for no good reason....i just lost sight for  a second of the sunshine...and its abundance.....

the next time you hear me bitching and complaining about all the normal stuff i like to bitch and complain about, please feel free to smack me!  and remind me that my life is great - challenges and all.....and i'm lucky to have all that i have on THIS day....and EVERY DAY!

and on a programming note, dont forget to come out on sunday for our first ever WARRIORS LACROSSE 5k - 8am, white plains rail trail....be there or be square!!

that's me....being BUSY and being the SUNSHINE :)

holiday prep

happy easter eve :) .....as we are not usually home for easter, i have to say that we have NO ROUTINE whatsoever for how to celebrate this holiday....which is pretty interesting because we have such SET ways we celebrate every other holiday....not being the super religious family, easter for us has always just been about spending the day together...usually at the beach, and more often than not with kris' family.....this year, none of those things came to pass so we had to come up with something new....

what we decided on (since its just us and lisa) is CRABS!! holla!!  cant think of a better way to have a family day than to sit on the porch and kick  off spring, southern maryland style :)  the down side to this plan is that we had to clean off the porch....which could be certified as a disaster area...without exaggerating i can say that our porch in the winter functions as a lacrosse storage bin - and a giant collector of pollen....so the first thing we had to do today was wade thru the mess that we call our porch.....and we actually managed it, without any fighting or anything -which in and of itself is a minor miracle :) and i found this pic buried with my old group ex teaching stuff...which of course brought a huge smile to my face and reminded me ONCE AGAIN how lucky i am...and also how some things never change!!  that pic is from 2005, when both the boys played baseball - and i was just ramping up my teaching a notch....and just like now, i use my visual stuff to get and stay motivated....

what do these quotes talk about?  MOTIVATION, COMMITMENT & FLEXIBILITY!!  how ironic, right?  the EXACT same things i 'm still looking for today!!  i thought that was pretty neat...and it brought another degree of perspective to what i've been going through....my circumstances may change, but inside i'm basically the same - the same kinds of things motivate me and make me happy....i just have to remember that.....i may not always get to do what i want, but i eventually manage to find time somewhere for the stuff that i find fulfilling....so its allllll good in the long run....

the other funny thing that happened today is that i roped jake and luke into helping me take a test....yes, thats cheating -sue me.....i have to be honest and say studying for my personal training cert was one of the hardest things i've done post school...i read everything, i watched the videos, i listened to the audio almost constantly, and i seriously studied for that exam....it was very hard and i really really really dont want to have to do it again....my challenge is that i'm not really doing anything with my certification at the moment....i'm not training or even working in the gym - which makes my REcertification somewhat challenging....so i decided to take the online nutrition class....i DEFINITELY should have known better....here's where i say that the only C i ever got at brown was in (are you ready?) PERSONAL NUTRITION...yes, personal nutrition....advanced critical analysis of shakespeare...A, russian lit...A, personal nutrition...C - so apparently i was suffering under some kind of delusion when i thought, sure let's take THAT as my recert class.....

to say i have been quietly stressing about this online exam would be putting it mildly...its another one of those weights that have been hanging over my head.....and my deadline is quickly approaching....so i did what any self respecting parent of 2 extremely intelligent boys would do, and i made them sit with me while i took it!!  and boy am i glad that they are smart....because i STILL have ZERO retention when it comes to biology and physiology.....as soon as i see words that dont make sense to me, my eyes glaze over and i move on mentally....how HORRIBLE is that??  i have total confidence in my ability to train someone - and ZERO confidence in discussing nutrition....so i thought this course would help....NOPE!!  because again, i dont absorb any of it....i guess the good news is i have the books as a reference on my phone if i really NEED to figure something out....but the moral of the story is go ahead and ask me about working out....but never never never ask me for food advice (altho that should probably go without saying at this point :)

its also fairly funny because the second part of my recert is cpr/aed certification....again - if you collapse in the middle of my class, i'm calling 911....and panicking....i am SO NOT the girl that jumps in to do cpr....not happening....i'm the crazy loon that has a nervous breakdown in a crisis...not the calm, step by step person....and while i have been cpr certified for the better part of 10 years, you can STILL bet i wouldn't remember how to do it...nor would i have the presence of mind to actually perform it....back at gold's when i regularly had a few older people in my class, it was running joke with me bc i literally asked them every 5 minutes if they were okay...because i would say at the start of class, please dont have a heart attack in my class because i will panic and not help you....so its probably a good thing that i'm not in the fitness business full-time huh?? i'm good on mechanics though :) and i can make you a kick ass plan....i better partner with a nutrition and cpr person at some point if i decide to be a real trainer when i grow up!!

“The doctor of the future will no longer treat the human frame with drugs, but rather will cure and prevent disease with nutrition.”  ~Thomas Edison

i totally agree with this statement.... i think that nutrition is such a vital key to our overall health....and i find it absolutely hilarious that i dont understand it....i THINK i do, in very general terms....but how food actually interacts with your body is way above my pay grade...and i wish doctors actually treated nutrition as a serious field....i want to go back to the old days where you had GPs who actually knew you and cared about your whole system....not just their little bitty part of it....but that's a topic for another day...my point is, its a very complex system that needs SERIOUS study....not just as an add on to a personal training cert for the crazies of the world like me....just my opinon.

because as a newly "certified" personal nutrition expert, i can tell you that i plan to eat absolutely nothing good for me tommorrow....my diet will consist of chocolate, sugar, shellfish and potatoes....and probably some beer just for good measure....whatever you do, DON'T get food advice from me....EVER :)

i hope you all have a lovely easter.....i'm actually really looking forward to being home....and hopefully i wont run into the window of the new church tomorrow thinking its a door!!

For I remember it is Easter morn,
And life and love and peace are all new born.  ~Alice Freeman Palmer

feeling old

today is just one of those days i'm feeling every one of my 40 years....not good or bad, just feeling them.  there are some days i wake and think, wow i have so much still to look forward to - and then some days i wake up and think, holy shit, my kids are almost gone.....today was the second.

i really did love being able to stay home when my boys were little - playgroups and crafts....as crazy as it all was, i really can say i enjoyed it....and i enjoy where we are now....not even a little bit less crazy, but still pretty darn fun....

its just that it seems like so much of it has already passed by....josh (my baby) is old enough now to give me the "i'm riding with my friends over to the park - i'll be back"....and i know that he is fine.....my older two are gone more than they are here.....and while i am happy that they all have great friends and are independent young men, it makes me feel OLD!  i know we've been teetering on the "they don't need me" for a while....for some reason today of all days, i think we fell over the line.....which on another day may make me feel like dancing around my kitchen, but today felt kind of like a blow!

i'm not sure exactly how it happened that i woke up today and my kids were grown up...it just did!  it was only yesterday i swear that they all needed me to wake them up for school and drive them to the bus...now i'm that mom that doesn't even get up for high school (much less pack a lunch) and spends about 20 seconds with josh before his bus comes....who am i?

while im not suffering from any kind of mid-life crisis (altho i guess i could be at my age), i really do see myself sitting at this fork in the road....on one side is the path to yesterday, where i look back and see all that has gone by and all that i might have missed....and on the other side is tomorrow....all the things that they have not done yet and all the possibilities.....i just haven't quite managed to make that turn yet.

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

i know that i am grateful for all the time i did spend with them....and i'm just hoping i manage to make the time these next few years also.....now is when you start to wonder....did i do the right things? are they ready to be on their own? should i be teaching them how to do laundry :) ? ok, i know i should be teaching them laundry stuff...that one isnt too tough....but you get my point....its a very reflective place for me - and it really just shows my age.  its funny when i think about it...i was the oldest 30 year old i knew - i had 3 young kids....dressed like an old lady and spent all my time at home.....and then i was the funnest (yes funnest) 37 year old i knew.... i had kids old enough to be at home without me for a dinner out, but young enough that i didn't really have to worry too much....and now i'm back to being the oldest 40 year old i know!!  ha....maybe 45 is gonna rock ....who knows!

i know i'm lucky to have my boys...and my memories...i just wish i felt more able to sit back and enjoy it....instead of missing it....i also wish i wasnt such a basket case!! can you even imagine what im gonna be like when jake actually leaves for college!!  the good news is i still have some time to think about it.....and i have some interesting things on the other side of the road...i just have to be brave enough to start looking in that direction....

just not today...but i'll work on it :)

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today. 

~Cherokee Indian Proverb

13 reasons why

i don't belong to a book club, mostly because i'd rather spend my free time playing softball and when i find a really good book, i usually just tell my sister or michelle (who has a book club) and then just wait for one of them to read it so we can talk it over.....not a great method but it works....and besides, my smut to intellect ratio of reading is very skewed in the smut direction - so i don't read something "striking" all that often....but when i do, i have to say i pick some good ones!!

its weird that after my post from yesterday, i woke up today feeling fine....apparently i really do just need to vent - once these yucky feeling are out, i can let them go.....which is also a nice revelation....so thank you all for being a part of my group therapy :)  when i was out with the boys yesterday, i picked up this book, thinking it was a good topic and probably something we should all read - and its written in a very different narrative style which i found interesting....the boys may not think so, but time will tell.

if you have teenagers, its one of those books you might like to read....it throws a shining light on suicide without glamorizing it, or even demonizing it....it just shows an interesting perspective on what CONTRIBUTES to it.....in our current society where there is so much focus on bullying, i think often we overlook those who are emotionally vulnerable - or bullied in a more subversive manner.....

how many times have we repeated gossip?  or made a judgment about someone based on something that we had heard? even if it was from a questionable source?  how many times have we turned a blind eye when someone was being treated unfairly?  or being ostracized?  how many times have we heard someone say something negative about themselves and not tried to make them feel better?  and how many times have we reached out for help, physically or emotionally, and not received any?

i think the truth is we all feel insecure at times.  we all feel judged.  we all feel like an outsider.  like no one else could possibly understand what we are feeling.  we all want to belong.  and feel accepted.  and loved.  and sometimes we have to find all of those things within ourselves.  no matter how many friends you have, or how great your family is, sometimes you still feel inadequate....for most of us who have a sound base, and a strong will - those times are short lived....but what about those people without that foundation?  do we ever really stop and think about how our actions or non-actions will be perceived in the CONTEXT of that persons life?  what could possibly be a fairly innocent comment, could be just another brick on top of a growing pile that is dragging that person down.....for every "i heard" that's negative, there needs to be 10 "you're awesomes"......thats just life.....and unfortunately, i think the "you're awesomes" are in much shorter supply.....

by no means am i standing on a high horse here....i'm the FIRST person when someone gets skinny to say "i wonder what she's taking" as opposed to "good for her - clearly she has more will power than me"......that's my weight to carry....i KNOW its not nice.....and it comes from my inherent dissatisfaction with my inability to GET skinny (so far :).....thats not a justification - its an excuse.....and one that needs to stop.....we should be praising each others success instead of snickering over failures.....knocking someone down does NOT build us up....it just lowers us all......and i dont know how i can expect my kids to be kind if i am not.  and if reading a book like this opens my eyes to it, then all the better.

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Martin Luther King

we always talk about how we need to build our kids up.....and we do.  its vital to them that they have that sound BASE on which to stand.....because they will definitely face those times in life when they get knocked down.....sometimes it will be a physically slap, but more often it will be verbal.....and those verbal slaps are much harder to recover from....as adults we are no different. and its time we started to look OUT for each other instead of thru each other.

as i write i realize that we are all so intrinsically tied together....we really all are going thru the same things and trying to make things better....no one wants to be sad....or unhappy....or mean - at least i hope not.  we just let our circumstances - or our perceived circumstances drag us down.....and while it is easy to rally around a sick friend, its often our "healthy" friends who feel the most lost.  why not just try to be kind to everyone?  much easier said than done, i know.  but if you're going to set a goal, it may as well be a lofty one!  go big or go home isnt just a sports mantra :)

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.  - Ron White

 life is short....do your best to be happy and to be kind.....only then can you be the sunshine!

i love you guys....thanks for giving me a reason to keep looking for the good stuff, and stop dwelling on the bad!

slacking

True silence is the rest of the mind; it is to the spirit what sleep is to the body, nourishment and refreshment.  ~William Penn

i find myself in the very unusual predicament of really not having a lot to say at the moment.....which is very strange for me...since starting the blog i would say that 90% of the time the ideas just pop in my head at some point during the day....and the few days i've skipped have been event related....or i stayed out too late...last night for the first time i honestly just didn't have anything to write about......which somewhat ironically is leading me here tonight :)

i dont know how many of you go thru this, but i have a serious case of the winter blues - even though the winter hasnt been bad, and its actually spring.....i guess its a combination of things, not the least of which is all of the "heavy" stuff that we have going on.....but usually i bounce back pretty quickly.....right now, not so much.....i can honestly FEEL myself being quiet.....which might actually be a relief to some of you :) - but is very weird for my kids i can tell you.

do you ever get to the point where you are tired of hearing  yourself say the same things? pick up your clothes, take out the trash, put away your stuff.....it just gets OLD.....followed very closely by what do you want for dinner?  i made a conscious decision this week to just not say any of that....i'm fixing whatever is easy for dinner, and i'm leaving shit wherever it is....or i'm picking it up myself.....maybe thats the wrong answer, but this is a week i just dont want to fight the fight......i feel like i spend so much time PUSHING forward....trying to make things happen and get stuff done....but right now i just need a break......and usually we spend spring break away.....most often florida (which i really really miss), but sometimes rochester....and this year for lots of reasons we are just staying home......its the first spring break EVER that we have not gone somewhere.....and i guess i'm just now realizing that we usually go somewhere because I NEED TO....it must be called spring BREAK for a reason.....so since i can't get away physically, apparently i'm just taking a break mentally.

so there you have it....i'm hoping these last two days were the worst of it - and i'm sorry to be taking the pity party route when really i have nothing to complain about....(here's to you denise, with pnemonia, who still finds the time to write something really really nice to me).....rather than call this a brood, i'm just gonna go with a "rest" of the mind....and see how far that gets me :)

yard sale

by now you all know that i am in the middle of like a zillion fundraisers.....but today was a new one for me....my avon walk team does an annual yard sale to raise money.....and WOW do they do it!!  they collect stuff all year and do a whole weekend of big time yard saling!!  now i have to say that i am NOT a yard sale person....the idea of using other people's stuff is just not my thing....in the same way i'm not into antiques.....i dont want anyone else's scuzz on my stuff....call me crazy....

so anyway, not only was i amazed at the sheer amount of STUFF they had collected, i was even more amazed at HOW MUCH THEY SOLD!!  it was truly enlightening to watch people walk around this gigantic yard sale and continue to find the craziest stuff to buy!  all for like 25 cents!!

ONE MAN'S TRASH IS ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE

a truer statement i've never heard.....especially after today....every time someone would walk up, my friend would say "welcome, we have plenty of treasures".....and i would just look at her like she was insane....but really, i guess we did have a lot of "treasures"......and really for the prices you get at yard sales, i guess pretty much everything is a treasure....i know i picked up some stuff that just for the sheer amusement it gave it was worth it....(check out my POWER OF THOR hammer....yes, i know that's not what it really is...but it came home with me anyway!! and for 25 cents, too)...

i guess what i learned was that not everyone feels compelled to buy things straight out of the wrapper....and it you are motivated enough to sift thru the junk, there are serious bargains to be had....bags of clothes for $5 or $10....furniture, tv's, bikes....you name it....but there is also plenty of weird stuff out there...who donates used tupperware??  or chipped plates?  or creepy figurines??  well, apparently alot of people....crazier still, people actually buy it!  it was an eye opener i can tell you....you could just picture the beginning stages of people who you will eventually see on an episode of hoarders....well, i didn't really need those 400 porceline figures, but i just couldn't pass them up at the yard sales because they were only 50 cents...

i'd like to think that people bought so much stuff because it was a fundraiser....but i doubt it.....it seems to be an obsession...kind of like bingo!!  but whatever works.....it takes all kinds, and i'm just realizing that it doesnt really matter where or how you find your happiness.....just that you do....it can be yardsaling on the weekends, or sitting at bingo on sundays, or playing ball, or coaching lacrosse.....it can be anything really, as long as you find some joy in it.....and on the flip side, i was reminded today that you have to find the humor in the situations you find yourself in....did i want to spend my first free sunday sitting at a yard sale?  NOPE....but it was the least i could do after all the work the other people on my team put into it....so my choices were sit and be bitchy (which is ALWAYS an option for me) or make the best of it....and i actually had some fun....who knew??  sometimes its all about your attitude and not taking everything so seriously....

i find that i let myself get bogged down pretty easily,....the negativity weighs on me and i let it drag me down....but i dont have to....thats not to say im not going to anymore.....but i'm going to try to remember that its a choice....and that if you look hard enough you can find some humor in almost any situation.....especially if you have good friends around you!!  and a sister who laughs at your cheesy jokes.....and it never hurts to have THORS HAMMER (even if it was a meat pounder in its former life) :)