3 kids, 2 daughters in law, 7 dogs & 30 married years later....

Love must be as much a light as a flame. ~Henry David Thoreau

its been a long and winding road, to say the least.  but here we are.  if you had told 20 year old deni that the VERY handsome guy that lived 2 doors down from her junior year at good ol' brown university would be THE guy, she would have laughed in your face. and not because said guy wasnt totally awesome, but who finds their guy in college??? in the middle of immature, drunken mess, selfish era?  apparently, this girl!  go me :)

fast forward to a sunny day in 1995, with a beautiful, bouncing baby boy in tow, we made it official.  and thru all of the ups, downs and crazy winding roads, we made it here - to our 30 year anniversay.  INSANITY.  i cant possibly be THIS old, and we cannot possibly have weathered all these storms together - can we?

Cling tight to the hearts that will not let you fall. ~Emily Dickinson

first i want to acknowledge that i am SO fortunate.  life is hard.  raising kids is hard.  being a PERSON is hard a lot of the time.  and finding ONE PERSON to go through all of that with you is next to impossible - even in the abstract.  its an act of faith that you make before you know better (in a lot of cases), and then you just fucking make it work.  and it is HARD.  its also AMAZING. and everything in between.  when you share a life with someone, you GO THROUGH IT.  but you get to do that together.  and somehow, it makes everything worth it, to get to this point in the road and look back - to have all of these shared memories and experiences.  it really is just a crazy milestone.

we wouldnt be US without the kids. im just being honest.  do we actually make that big decision to live this life together without Jake?  who knows.  but we did.  and that decision has informed every other single decision we have made over the last 30 years.  where to live, where to work, when to get a dog - and then 2 - and then 3.  how to juggle raising kids and making money and living life.  trying to keep our sanity and be there for our boys AND each other.  it has been crazy and fun and busy and frustrating and SO GREAT.  most of the time.  sometimes is has sucked.  and we've been not good, and wanted to not be together.  but we never gave up.  and sometimes that is the best lesson of all.  things get better.  you work through the bad shit - and we ALL have bad shit.  but fighting thru it makes you stronger.

The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have past at home in the bosom of my family. ~Thomas Jefferson

i think the nostalgia is what gets me the most on a day like today.  looking back at all the incredible steps on the journey so far.  tball, soccer, blue knights, cclc - trips to kings dominion and up to rochester.  trips to siesta key and millions upon millions of days spent on sidelines, at lacrosse fields, baseball diamonds, and even some theaters.  watching our boys grow into amazing men, finding equally amazing women.  graduating from colleges and launching careers.  rescuing dogs, and more dogs - and even one cat.  we built this life together, memory by memory - year after year.  and what a journey it has been - and continues to be.

one of the things you really think about when you say those very traditional vows is the "in sickness and in health" part.  you mostly think it means if one of you gets sick.  but i think the thing that has been the hardest over the years is when the "in sickness" part means someone else you love.  some of the hardest, most heartbreaking times in our lives have been wrapped around illness, and ultimately losing people we loved.  part of that heartbreak drags you apart - the all encompassing sadness, the not wanting to be around people, or do anything at all.  and then one day, you realize that you have someone to lean on.  and cry with.  and somehow you get through it.  there are so many things that could have broken us apart.  and yet, we keep holding on to each other.

Don't mind a few bruises. Life's paths are full of stones and thorns. All are bound to hurt a little. ~Minna Thomas Antrim

life at 53 is VERY different than life at 23.  friends have come and gone, and almost everything in our lives has changed in some way.  we are not the same people we were back then, but we are lucky enough - and have worked hard enough - to be standing together all these years later.  we still get to sit on some sidelines, and hang out at the gym.  we still love spending time with the boys and are fortunate enough that they seem to still like hanging out with us.  we are older, sure - but still kicking. and with any luck at all, i will be able to add to this story in another 20 years.

all those many moons ago, i can remember talking with kb about how similar our families were.  we both came from blue collar dad/stay at home mom families - and ended up, somehow, at Brown.  and i honestly think that a part of HOW we have stayed together all this time is that foundation.  not necessarily the actual blue collar piece, but we came from the SAME place - with the same overall life experiences and expectations.  we have grown into different people, but we respect where we came from - and all the people that shaped us.  we have had epic fights over religion and politics over the years, but always from that shared perspective.  we both believed in our family unit, over and above all else.  and while we occasionally differed over some of the smaller stuff, we have been on the same page about our kids all along.  and whether or not our friends and family agreed with where we came down on those things, WE stood together on them.  and that has made all the difference.

The best thing to hold onto in life is each other. ~Audrey Hepburn

i am grateful every day that i have a partner who gets me.  we dont always get along. and the good lord knows we have had to fight to keep this ship from sinking a time or 2.  but at the end of the day, there is no one i could have travelled this road with.  no one else could have put up with all of my craziness, or stood by my side when things were falling apart. i feel truly blessed for having shared the last 30 years with such an incredible man.  and i cant wait to see how the next handful treat us.  heres to another decade (or 2) filled with more family, more dogs, more adventures, more love....and of course, some more lacrosse.

love you to the moon kb.

Love is the end, all else is the means. ~Adolf Wolff