insanity

in·san·i·ty/inˈsanitē/

Noun:

The state of being seriously mentally ill; madness. Extreme foolishness or irrationality.

let's just start there.....there are many many many different definitions of the word insanity. i'm going to hit on several.  but for starters i told you my crazy ass husband roped me into doing the insanity workout.  like we needed to add one more thing to the list of already crazy shit that we do.  but that is my CURRENT excuse for the lack of blogging.  as a matter of fact, i'm sitting here writing at 8am because i'm waiting for a meeting to start.  what i HAVE been doing at 11 oclock at night, or 7 in the morning, when i usually blog is WORKING OUT!!  which is ridiculous. or insane.  but there you go.  and now i'm trying to figure out when i can squeeze in time to write, since my writing time is now insanity time.  and i guess you could say its always been at least a little bit dedicated to my insanity, so now its just physical insanity as opposed to mental  :)

what have i learned so far?  i get bored really really easily - which i didnt really just LEARN, but got reminded of.  and that you can make a butt load of money telling people to do ridiculously easy and repetitive movements - as long as you have a killer body to back it up.  my basic issue with most ALL exercise at home movements is that a) i get easily distracted and b) most of them are somewhat countraindicated to something i've learned along the way in all of my random fitness training.  i mean really?  should you push yourself to the point of cardio exhaustion and then immediately drop your head to do a V push up??  probably not.  i wonder how many people have passed out doing that and just thought  they were really out of shape?  interestingly enough, the old deni would have stopped doing the workout for a stupid reason like that.....now, i just comment on it and go on about the day.  why?  because i'm certainly NOT going to let my husband lose 10 pounds without me.  i mean, he will anyway.  but i at least need to stay in the fight, right?  which leads to definition number 2 - and possible the most popular:

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  ALBERT EINSTEIN

 in so so many ways this defines me.  i CONSTANTLY do the same shit over and over again thinking THIS time will be different.  but its not.  as i get older, i can laugh about it a little more, but its still true.  as it pertains to exercise and fitness?  well let me just say this:  kris and i will do this workout for the next month or so.  he will lose 10 pounds, feel great and be mentally happy.  i will gain 4, feel about the same, and be totally pissed off that after all that work i still look and feel the same.  and wish i had just continued to eat my chips.  but really, at least THIS time it wont come as a surprise :)  and i will be able to justify eating my face off over the holidays as my reward for this torture.  i wish i could say that yet again this is just the first step in my new fitness journey.  but alas, i live on a fitness journey.  i have a love hate relationship with it.  and it never goes away.  the insane part is where i think that the NEXT thing i try will be the thing that magically, finally makes me super skinny.  when in reality, i will always look pretty much the way i do now.  which is fine.  my goal with fitness now is all about fighting the good fight.  because you know what? i'm so afraid if i stop after all this time, i will just start melting into a pile of 40 year old mush.....i can so clearly see it in my head.  and its INSANE that i think my only two choices are workout fiend or mush - but there you go.  i have spun, turbokicked, bodypumped, personal trained, p90xed, run, ellipticalled & trained my way through the last 20 years.  and you know what? no matter WHAT or how much i do, the only constant is my need to do SOMETHING to keep that image of my future mush at bay.  so silly.  but you see i have this great aunt.  who is awesome. in her 90s.  but shes turning into jabba the hut.  which is super mean of me to say.  but its true.  that generation, and even to some extent my parents generation, didnt really exercise.  and now, the men are wasting away and the women and turning to mush.  and i dont know whether its just my family or not, but i do not want to be that old lady.  i want to stay me as long as possible.  and i guess in order to do THAT, i have to keep doing all this.  the good news is now i'm not expecting different results.  so i guess i'm only partially insane.

“If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.” ― Christopher Moore,

i guess one of the most interesting things i've learned through this process is that we are all crazy.  just in different ways.  what makes me think someone else is crazy, makes them think that i am.  and we are both right.  life, like politics and religion, is full of controversy and disagreement.  its all about choices.  and the choices i make - good bad or indifferent - give the impression to everyone OUTSIDE of those choices that i'm either right on the money or off my rocker.  but its all good.  depending on your point of view i am off my  rocker.  sometimes i think so myself.  that's what its all about really.  making your choices and rolling with the consequences.  the insane part comes in when the 2 dont match up.

so the thought of the day is this:  are your expectations matching your actions, and vice versa?  because what i've come to realize is that the day is a whole lot easier to get thru when they do.  if i dont expect work to make me happy, then it cant disappoint me at the end of the day, right?  and if i dont expect to lose 10 pounds, then it wont piss me off when i dont.  in this way, POSSIBLY i'm more open to whatever positives DO come out of my actions.  its a weird new concept for me....but i'm working on it :)

“I'll take crazy over stupid any day.” ― Joss Whedon