i hope when you read this you immediately start going (in your head, now)...
boom boom boom bada boom boom (or some such variation of the same):
Pressure
Pushing down on me
pressing down on you.....
you get the drift. if i had one word to sum up what has been going on this month in the bayer household it would be PRESSURE. followed closely by DEADLINE. and then maybe STRESS or GRADES. any parent of a child who has applied to college has been through this exact thing, i'm sure. and i wish i could buy you ALL a big fat drink. because you definitely deserve one...or one hundred.
i realize that it was our choice to apply early...but i HONESTLY thought i was prepared. and i was wrong wrong wrong. i'm glad at this point that we only have one more week because jake and i may never recover. he's tired of me asking him if he has done stuff (which i've NEVER had to do before, mind you) and i'm totally tired of being this harpy old woman.
now the funniest part in all of this is that i realized how similarly jake and i deal with stress. and its mostly called AVOIDANCE. you'd actually think i would have been blogging more, right? ironically, i hate to sit at my computer right now because then i'm tempted to start looking at edline and common app and sat/ap/act pages just to make sure i've crossed my t's one more time. i've NEVER been the mom that checked edline every day....but i am now. every day. sometimes twice a day. its like a sickness. i just want this to be OVER. i want jake's apps to be in. and i want him to be accepted at both of his schools. and then i want him to ENJOY the rest of his senior year. i really dont feel like i'm asking too much here!!
to say it has made me crazier than normal is the giantest understatement of the decade. case in point. trying to figure out how i'm going to come up with tuition - got some alarming news - freaked out - sold a car (or 2) and bought a new one, with a lower payment and one less insurance payment. not terribly crazy overall. except i did it on the fly. as in, i called jake at school and said "hey i sold your car, i need you to bring it home and clean it out". CRAZY. its one of my more peculiar ways of distracting myself from the bigger picture. i thought jake was going to KILL me. even though it was REALLY his car. just the one he has been driving til his jeep is fixed....i'm not THAT horrible. altho i may actually lose it by this weekend and confiscate his phone. if i see one more instagram, cinemagram, or tweet while i THINK he is working on his essays, i may do some serious bodily damage. okay okay i'm kidding.
mostly.
i dont remember being this crazy when it was ME applying for college. but clearly i have new appreciation for my parents. this whole process is just flat out NERVE WRACKING. and probably the hardest part is that no matter what he's done, or how great his apps and essays are, ultimately this decision is completely out of our hands. THAT'S the part the stresses me out the most. Jake deserves to go wherever the hell he wants. of course that's just my opinion, but i can honestly say he has WORKED for it. and it will piss me off like no other if he gets a rejection letter. which is completely unfair and assinine. but completely true. ya'll better watch the hell out on december 15. its either gonna be a throw down party, or someone better come over and strap me down so i dont drive to new jersey with my uzi! okay, now i'm REALLY kidding.
i think.
i'd like to think that if anyone ever looks back on the blog and the strange turn this year has taken, they will rank this one right up there with the most honest - and yet out of nowhere. i'm not sure why tonight, after skipping most of the month. maybe i really just didnt want to do my insanity workout (and yes, we are still doing that!!). i guess i just needed to write again...i miss it. and this seems to be the only thing i can think about. which is sad, i know. we've had such an interesting month - and there are a buttload of blogs saved up in my head - sams bachelorette, play for parkinson, chicago, baltimore marathon relay, play practice, science fair (oh yes - that one is coming), clemson, wine diva golf. i mean really - some fun stuff in there. and yet i'm still OBSESSED with apps. one more week people!!
Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself. ~John Dewey
i'm sure when we look back on this last month, jake and i will be able to laugh about it. it is, after all, just one more step on the journey. and if there is one lesson i know we have both learned, its that all you can is your best and keep moving forward. sometimes its just harder to see the forest for the trees. i love that jake is so much more philosophical about it. i hope that means that we've prepared him well and not that he feels like it doesnt matter. a spokesperson at UChicago said to the group that everyone would find "their people" wherever they went. that everyone would go where they were meant. that there were no wrong decisions. and that really resonated with jake. and i agree totally. in my head. in my heart, i just want him TO GET IN! i want the CHOICE to be his, not some admission officers! and that my friends is what makes me neurotic. hopefully my boys will only get the good stuff from me when they actually leave on their own journey.
Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.
~Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book
No comments:
Post a Comment