determination never gets old

A man's age is something impressive, it sums up his life:  maturity reached slowly and against many obstacles, illnesses cured, griefs and despairs overcome, and unconscious risks taken; maturity formed through so many desires, hopes, regrets, forgotten things, loves.  A man's age represents a fine cargo of experiences and memories. 

 ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

i have to say that while i have always had a great deal of respect and admiration for my grandparents, i truly have a newly found GRATITUDE for them.  maybe its normal to take your parents and grandparents for granted.  for me, i have been truly lucky in that both generations were always just there.  in the crazy ways of time and life, even though I was getting older, i just expected them to stay the same.  which is ridiculous.  but true.  my grandparents have been "old" my whole life.  pappy has had the same gray beard literally my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE.  so i didn't really SEE the passage of time on his face like maybe i should have.  or maybe i just wasnt paying enough attention, since i can clearly see it on MINE :)

my grandfather was born in 1925.  think about that. 1925.  in his life, he has seen almost every technological advance.  he has lived through every war in our current span of history.  what makes my grandfather a super bad ass is that he was in the original class of UDT Frogmen - the precursor to the Navy SEALS.  he joined the navy as a wayward 17 year old and fought for his country in WWII.  He is the LAST SURVIVING MEMBER OF CLASS #001.  how AMAZING is that?  its something the family is very proud of and something we all learned about.  as a matter of fact, he was the subject of one of jake's history fair projects a few years ago.  so i guess what i'm saying is that its something we are all AWARE of.

where am i going with this?  Pappy has taught me more in the last 8 weeks about sheer WILL than anyone i have ever met. and i dont think i really recognized what it MEANT that he was in that first class of frogmen until now.  i KNEW he was.  but i didnt understand the kind of man that made him, if that makes sense.

“Four short words sum up what has lifted most successful individuals above the crowd: a little bit more. They did all that was expected of them and a little bit more.” ~A. Lou Vickery~

he went into the hospital on february 1st after a car accident.  he had broken ribs, fractures in his neck and back, a broken collarbone, and various minor injuries.  and he was fairly frail of frame to begin with, as many 88 year olds are.  he was admitted to critical care where his lung collapsed.  he beat that, moved upstairs in the hospital and contracted pneumonia and was once again placed in critical care.  he beat THAT.  after over 6 weeks in the hospital, the majority of which he was intubated and immobile, he was released to a rehab center.  which is where he is now. 

 let me just say this.  there are not many 88 year olds who make it out of the hospital.  period.  and what separated my grandfather from them was nothing less than SHEER DETERMINATION.  his WILL to live proved greater than all that was going against him.  you could see it, day in and day out.  and now that he is in the rehab center, its astounding to watch him.  because the number one attribute i would say expresses his feelings at the moment (aside from gratitude) is FRUSTRATION.  he literally does not understand why he is so WEAK.  he doesnt understand why they wont let him do MORE rehab.  he literally epitomizes that saying "never give up".  the man just has no QUIT in him.

it's literally amazing.  and its been my profound blessing to watch.  and learn from.  i've watched a lot of very strong people fight obstacles in their lives.  and all too often, even with all the fight in the world, they lose the battle.  which is so devastating.  and disheartening.  and then something like this happens.  you watch someone WIN.  that's not to say pappy has an easy road in front of him.  he does not.  but i know, and so does he, that when he finally leaves us, it will be on HIS terms.  when HE is ready.  and not one freakin minute before.

he often says to me that he is amazed by time.  he cant believe so much time passed while he was in the hospital, because he just cant remember it.  and then he comments on how quickly things can change.  just one second behind the wheel changed the rest of his life.  he is hyper- aware of time.  he watches the trees blossom outside of his window and the plants grow in his room.  the clock plays tricks on him, he says.  and while i know he wants out of that place and is frustrated by how long it seems to be taking him, i can only sit in AWE of how far he has come.

and of course, as with everything these days, sitting with him makes me extra sensitive to time.  pappy feels like the days are moving so slowly while he is stuck in limbo between where he is and where he wants to be.  and i feel like time is speeding by me as we prepare for graduation and college.  i want time to stand still and he wants it to hurry up.  and ironically neither of us is going to get our wish.  time is just going to keep on keeping on.  the way it always does.

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day

~William Shakespeare

i've learned a lot of things over the last year or so.  i guess because i've been attempting to pay attention.  and i absolutely love that there is so much out there that can still amaze me.  like most people, i've seen truly inspirational things in my life.  people do good things, and have triumphant moments.  but its so very cool to me that i've gotten the chance to be so incredibly IMPRESSED and INSPIRED by someone who in his own mind has already achieved his greatest accomplishments. what he may not realize is that while his PAST is amazing and certainly something to be proud of, its just one part of the man he is today.  and the man he is today can STILL INSPIRE.

you are never ever too old to shine.....