between want & need

you can read that right?  the difference between WANT and NEED is SELF CONTROL.  to which i say "HA".  to me the difference between want & need is completely dependent on what  is going on at any particular moment.  like today maybe i didnt NEED a peanut butter egg.  but today was a pretty easy day, all things considered.  however YESTERDAY, after finishing a 15 hour drive home with my kids from florida, i CLEARLY NEEDED one.  you see my point?  it really has very little to do with self control.  it has to do entirely with my MENTAL state.

“What we call happiness in the strictest sense comes from the (preferably sudden) satisfaction of needs which have been dammed up to a high degree.”  Sigmund Freud 

i think the coolest thing about wants (and needs) is that if you ask 100 people what their wants and needs are, you will get 100 different answers.  i mean really.  all we NEED is love?  air? water? food? how about shelter? companionship? respect?  need for what?  what do we need to LIVE?  or need to be HAPPY?  2 entirely different questions.  you know when self control comes into play?  when you are trying to get something a BIT out of your reach.  maybe your weakness is food.  or shoes.  maybe its both.  and maybe you WANT something maybe you shouldnt have at that particular moment.  by all means, exercise some self control.  self control is definitely NOT a bad thing.  probably ever.  but this is generally what happens to ME.  i tell myself i shouldnt have a peanut butter egg because really, i DONT need it.  i just want it.  i also maybe WANT to lose a few pounds, so i now have conflicting wants.  i dont NEED either. and if i use my self control to DENY myself the peanut butter egg i really want, i'm happy for about 10 seconds.  because i think i've won.  but in reality, my body starts to obsess about it.  because you know what?  i cant lose a few pounds right THIS SECOND.  but i can have a super yummy delicious peanut butter egg.  which makes me immediately happy.  so maybe I DO need it????   you see where this is going right?

“Hope and faith goes hand-in-hand, because without hope there is no faith. The same goes with want and needs, without any wants, there no need to have a need” ― Temitope Owosela

i can honestly say i want a lot of things.  some of them are normal (i think) and abstract.  i want to be happy.  i want my kids to be happy.  i want life to be less stressful sometimes and my bills easier to pay.  i dont necessarily NEED any of those things, but they certainly make my life better.  so really how do we determine the difference?  because really if we pare it down to what we actually, truly NEED, life is pretty darn basic. and boring.  its the WANTS that motivate us.  they become the things we NEED.  to feel happiness or success or reward.  without the wants, there really is NO need.  ok, yes i need air, etc.  but WHY?  if i'm miserable everyday, what's the point?

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, he said:

“Man.

Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.

Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.

And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present;

the result being that he does not live in the present or the future;

he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

i would make the argument that really the biggest NEED i have is to be happy.  or at least attempt to be.  because if i am happy, it means that i am doing the things with my life that i should be.  it means my kids are well and i am experiencing life.  not every single day is going to be great.  that wouldnt be reality.  but in the ATTEMPT to be happy, i am doing the things i NEED to do.  i guess the irony there is that we all define "happy" differently.  i guess we all define most things differently.  i never actually NEED a peanut butter egg.  except when it helps to make me happy :)

i would like to think that at the end of the day, i realize the difference.  like most people.  there is plenty of stuff i have and want that i definitely dont need. when it comes down to it, to me, the real difference between want and need is not self control, but self awareness.  when is enough, enough.  and when is it too much?  at what point is the need satisfied?  and where do we draw the line?  clearly the easiest line is material.  i think we probably ALL have too much STUFF.  but we never have too much HAPPY.  i guess if its stuff that makes you happy, then you have your work cut out for you.  not that new shoes dont make me happy.  or bags.  bags definitely work too.  along with the peanut butter eggs.  but what really really makes me happy is spending a few days on the beach with my boys.  or watching a lacrosse game.  or sitting with my grandfather.  watching a movie with kb.  playing softball with my sister.  talking to my pop.  getting to hang out with my friends.  you get the idea.  i would say that those are some of the things i NEED.  yes, i know in the grand scheme that most of them are luxuries.  they arent air or water.  but they ARE what makes this life worth living.  and to me, that makes them necessary.

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.  The way it actually works is the reverse.  You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.  ~Margaret Young