a kind word

 i find myself NOT wanting to touch on the whole Boston marathon tragedy and ensuing craziness.  a certain part of me feels like i SHOULD.  but rather than give space or energy to the negativity surrounding the whole horrific event, i decided to just let it pass.  without comment.  because really, what more could be said?  its yet another inexplicable, senseless, horrifying display of man's inhumanity towards man.  and i dont think we need to dwell on any more of the awful things we can do to each other.  i will, however, applaud the thousands of first responders, family, friends and citizens who stood up to demonstrate the true spirit of love that lives within us.  while the tragedy sends us searching for answers, the outpouring of feeling, compassion and aid renews our hope that we will one day figure out how to come together without the impetus of such a tragedy.

Don't be yourself - be someone a little nicer.  ~Mignon McLaughlin

one of the hardest things we can learn, and teach our children, is to THINK before we act.  or speak.  its so much easier to just react.  let emotions rule us.  condemn someone or something before we understand them.  not that i think we need to look for excuses for anyone's behavior.  but i think we need to be more CONSCIOUS of what we are doing.  both positively and negatively.  i'll give you 2 everyday examples:

i came home after a normal day of running around, but wasnt feeling great.  when i walked in the kitchen, there was trash literally ALL over the kitchen and hall.  and boy was it yummy.  coffee grounds and scuzzy chineses containers.  which happens.  we have 3 dogs.  but clearly my kids forgot to put them away before they left the house.  resulting in said kitchen disaster.  rather than taking 2 seconds to calm down, i immediately picked up the phone, called jake and LOST MY MIND.  like he knocked over the trash before he walked out.  it might not even have been him. but i felt completely justified in ripping into him, because he MIGHT have been to blame.  after all, i know it wasnt ME.

needless to say, it was not a great conversation.  and after i calmed down and jake came home, we had to spend 35 minutes talking it over.  just so i could FIX a problem i created.  because i acted without thinking.  i let my emotions get the better of me.  in the end, it was no big deal.  but i hurt his feelings - which turned a stupid kitchen mess, into a much larger issue than it needed to be.  i was going to have to clean up that mess one way or the other.  but if i had not reacted to quickly, i might have asked jake what happened and learned that he had to run out to help someone on the fly.  which meant he forgot to close the dogs in.  honest mistake.  compounded by his mom losing her shit.  so my bad day bled over onto jake.

woudnt it have been so much better for my GOOD day to have bled over?

The kindest word in all the world is the unkind word, unsaid.  ~Author Unknown

its that initial negative reaction i want to combat.  i want us ALL to combat.  its so much easier to lash out with a mean word, rather than to just take a second to breath.  and then let it go.  clearly there are larger things that happen that make that impossible.  but i'm talking about normal everyday things.  like kitchen mess.  and laundry piles.  forgotten homework or lost shoes.  you know, the little things that sometimes just seem to set us off.  or maybe its just me.  if it is just me - 1) that's amazing and i'm proud of you all... and 2) send me some pointers!!  in the grand scheme of things, we let really dumb stuff cause us these hugely negative emotions.  and they spread.  one mean word from me affects my entire family.  i can ruin an entire day for 5 people by 6:30 in the morning, just because i dont think before i speak.  so that's what i'm working on next.

and thanks to some great people, i have awesome examples.  i have a friend who will randomly just send me a card.  and it always, always brightens my day.  that she would take the time to actually sit down, jot down a thought, and stick it in the mail (and actually has my address) is incredible to me.  its so THOUGHTFUL.  and i admire her for taking the time.  i know she does it for many of her friends, and its such an emotional gift.  wouldnt it be great if we all took just an hour, once a month and wrote out some old fashioned cards?  think about how great you used to feel when you got a piece of mail that wasnt a bill :).

i have several lovely friends who do such thoughtful things for me.  they check on me, and cheer me up.  all the stuff that friends do.  but i also have had a few people reach out unexpectedly to do nice things.  and THOSE are so striking.  i had someone send me a beautiful text about my boys today.  and it literally MADE MY NIGHT.  those quick words brought such joy.  and i am so grateful that she took the time to THINK to write them down.  so often we see someone do something nice, and we notice it.  but we dont follow up.  and while i'm sure people arent out there doing nice things to get noticed, its heartwarming when someone acknowledges the NICE.  because we surely notice and comment on the not nice.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless. ~ Mother Teresa

my challenge for myself- and you, if you are interested, is to start SHARING the good. if you notice someone doing something kind or brave or positive, take a second and note it.  shoot a text, or write a card. or just say "go you".  but remember it.  and pay it forward.

it seems to me the world can use all the positive vibes we can give it.  stop paying attention and giving attention to the bad stuff.  its like rewarding bad behavior.  maybe we cant ignore it all.  but we can definitely stop making it such a high priority.  we can stop making it news every minute.  if we can start acting out of love and kindness, maybe there wont be so much room for hate and violence.  i know its easier said than done.  but we have to start somewhere.  and we have to start now.