bring it

today is a new day.....and yet another day just like all the rest.  i find it so interesting the somehow on the first day of the new year we are supposed to just automatically change.  find a goal.  be more motivated.  fix our issues.  all because our calendar says we get a fresh start.  but today, like a lot of days, what i did was work out, stress about what i was going to eat, help with homework and ironically still work on college applications.  just another day in the life.  the side benefit was a big giant headache due to my ridiculous new "eating plan" that says no sugar or dairy.  whats the fun in drinking coffee without those???

i think the most optimistic way to look at the new year is as an OPPORTUNITY.  it may not exactly be a fresh start, but its kind of like hitting a personal reset button.  not that you cant do that anytime during the year, but it seems somehow more realistic to do it on the first of the year.  its like for one day, everything is shiny and new.  i can convince myself that THIS YEAR is going to be the best ever.  i can sit down and write out goals that will make me THINK about where i am going, instead of just letting the tide take me wherever.  or i can just stay in my pajamas all day.  which is what i did.  and now have to worry about whether or not that's an omen for the entire year :)

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. ~Buddha

interestingly enough i've been exposed to all kinds of goal setting lectures throughout my crazy ass career track.  and the one thing they all have in common is TANGIBILITY.  your goals can not be abstract - i want to be nicer, happier, more successful....they have to be somehow quantified.  i want to say ONE nice thing EVERY DAY (good luck), increase my earnings by 10K (again, good luck).  but you get my point.  its very easy to set an abstract goal and then wonder why it doesnt seem to be working.  i want to work out "more".  well 1 day more than 0 is accomplishing your goal, but it wont get you anywhere.....so it's important that IF you decide that today is the day you are going to set some goals, set them with PURPOSE.  and im certainly not saying you have or should set any......but if you are going to go through the trouble of actually thinking about what it is you want to accomplish, you may as well make it worth it!!

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.  ~Attributed to Carl Bard

isnt that a part of the challenge that each new year brings?  are you happy with the direction you're going? or happy in general?  and if not, how do you start to fix it?  i had an interesting conversation with one of my friends who is more often than not exactly where i am mentally, at least at this particular place in our lives.  and we were talking about how hard it is to get motivated to do the whole work out/eat right thing. food is comfort.  it makes me happy.  and its yummy.  why torture myself about THAT when there is so much other stuff that stresses me out?  but here is the flip side of that coin.....the one that i'm grabbing onto -at least right now.  there is so much about my life that i can not control.  at least not in the immediate.  i cant immediately make more money.  or make time stop so that jake isnt leaving.  i cant be home everyday for josh or magically have a better schedule.  but you know what i can control?  my body.  if i dont want to be fat and lazy, then THAT i can fix.  IMMEDIATELY.  this is one decision i can make and actually do something about.  i can put things in motion to try to fix some of the other stuff, but THIS i can do myself. no outside forces have to agree or align or help.  just me.  so while i may love a good cupcake, i will feel so much better about myself if i just GET AHOLD of ONE THING.  and that one thing, at least right now is ME!

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

 Carl Rogers

perspective is a funny thing.  for every time i hear "nothing tastes as good as skinny looks", i also hear "life is too short to not enjoy it".  i wage this internal war CONSTANTLY.  and what i've finally come to realize is that BOTH of those things are totally true.  it just depends on what is going on in my life.  sometimes cupcakes ARE the answer.  and sometimes they are NOT.  that is what is fun about this whole new years thing....i get to change my mind :)  and knowing me, i'll probably change it 16 more times before NEXT year....but that's ok too.

today is the first day of the rest of my life.  and the first day of the new year.  its full of promise and opportunity.  all i have to do is embrace it.  and while there are things i am not looking forward to so much about 2013, i'm going to have a better perspective.  i dont want jake to leave.  but i am SO excited about HIS future.  excited is just going to have to kick sad in the ass.  and while i'm not so psyched about being 20 years out of college, i AM so excited to have a reason to see my friends!!  2013 promises to have some seriously great reunion stories at the very least :).  and i can promise you that when i look back over the pictures from 2013, they will NOT be ones that i look at and think "damn you look heavy".  NOT happening.  so bullshit headache or no, today was a good day.  its the year of the CHALLENGE, and i say BRING IT, bitches :)