a toast

the last big thing i want to touch on before i start on the daily "reckoning" so to speak, is relationships.  i would say without hesitation that i am absolutely blessed in my relationships, all the way around.....i have an amazing family from my grandparents down to my boys and everyone in between.  we have our share of nuts, but who doesn't?  my husbands family is great, and extensive and i am truly lucky all the way around, in that regard.  my mom and i have had our rough patches, but i feel we are both at a place that we are making a real effort to be friends, and respect each others differences - that's a biggie for both of us, but again i feel like once you suffer a loss of a close family member as we did last year with aunt bobbie, it makes you really appreciate your family.

i can honestly say that i would be lost with my sisters.....both of whom i love dearly.  my oldest sister and i have had more of a rocky relationship over the years - and she will tell you that she hated me when we were younger :)  i am 6 years younger and was a plague all throughout her teens and early 20s.  again, we have grown to love and respect each other as we have struggled with parenthood, marriage and work, and all of the the things that make being a grown up a challenge.  she is an amazing mother, and i can honestly say that i could not deal with what she does with half of her grace.  my middle sister is my rock.  she is not only my best pal, but she is my closest confidant. we have been friends our whole lives and i love her more than i can say.  it also helps that she is the most competitive person on earth and that we can still play together....and i absolutely LOVE playing softball and soccer with her.  i hope we will still be doing that for many years to come...if our knees, backs and arms hold out :)  then there's my pop....i couldn't have asked for a better dad.....there's really no expounding on that, except to say that there has never been a time when i didn't know for absolute certain that i could call my dad...no matter what - and i am so lucky that i get to see him every day.  i won't ramble on about kb and the boys much here, because I'm sure you will get tired of hearing about them eventually - but suffice it to say, kris and i have been together for 20 years - he's the best dad in the world and my very best friend.  my boys just flat out rock....in all the ways they are so different, and yet a mish mosh of the same characteristics......everyday one of them does something to crack me up.....and i love it.

case in point - josh today, with a nerf gun that he spray painted BLACK...so it would look more authentic in his online movie.....only my kid!  (and yes colleen thats my pic of the day...i'm practicing)

the challenge for me, is being a better friend......i think because i know i have always had my family and kb to fall back on, i only extend myself so far.  that's not to say i don't value my friendships - i absolutely do....but i think i can and should be a better friend.  i have 3 "best friends" that have been around more that half my life - colleen and jackie form high school, and kirsten from college... they are totally awesome and completely different.  they are my best friends because i never see or talk to them (haha)!!  you know what i mean - they are the friends that i can call in the middle of the night if i need them, but don't talk on a regular basis.....they "knew me when" and still love me - craziness and all.....and because i know i don't need to talk to them to maintain the bond we have, i don't.   which is crazy - i love them....they are all exceptionally smart and incredible women who have helped me so much thru the years.....they make me feel better, they make me laugh, and i don't make an effort to talk to them nearly enough.  i really really really need to make more of an effort there, and i'm going to (and yes, jackie your necklace has been ordered)!!

i could run you a list of all of the incredible women i consider friends from the time since i became a mom.....they are too numerous to count and for that i am truly grateful....but for each "season" of my life, my closer friendships have changed....i know this is normal - my moms group that i shared so much with when the boys were little, was comprised of moms with mostly girls - as our kids grew apart, so did we. then there are the school moms and the sports moms who we spent countless weekends with (and still do on occasion)....but again, every time we changed schools or switched sports or i took on a new job, i seemed to let those relationships falter.....not that i didn't value them, but i didn't make the time to keep them intact.  i regret that i wasn't a better friend to so many of those ladies....many of whom went thru divorces, or loss, or challenge and i wasn't as supportive as i should have been.  i know that we all have our own support system - and mine is obviously my family...but that doesn't mean we don't cherish those friends who go out of their way to make us feel special......and in that way, i feel like in a lot of cases i've dropped the ball.

that's not to say I'm a horrible person....i AM super fun :)  and i really do try to be a good friend....i just get busy, like everyone, with my own stuff - and forget to take a look outside of myself....that's what this year is about for me.....trying to take a moment to think beyond myself....living with intention to me means that i have to think and act purposefully.....i have to make the time for the people and things that are important to me. and so, as i sit here drinking my giant glass of pink champagne....i am sending a toast out to all of you wonderful women..... i appreciate your friendship - i appreciate all that you have added to my life - and i will be in touch.....

happy new year!