Most of the shadows of life are caused by standing in our own sunshine. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
i've had the very interesting opportunity this month to spend time with 2 of my oldest friends - both of whom live 8 hours away - in different directions. not only was it just great to be able to spend time and catch up with them, but it was also, for me, a chance to reflect. that may also have something to do with turning 42 (ouch).
like most of us, i like to think i have a lot of friends. people who i have met throughout all the different stages of my life....the old playgroup moms from when the boys were little. the moms of the kids teammates and schoolmates as they grew older. the chics from the gym and softball and soccer and all of the other things i've done over the years to fill my time. some of whom are very good friends...and becoming those that start to fit into the "lifetime" friends group. but a lot are just cool people who i see and talk to when the occasion arises.
In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those
and then there are the "others"....my real friends. as i get older its so fun and interesting to me to realize that we have this BOND. that only time and experiences can solidify. these are the girls i dont see very often. but who know ME. the real deni. not "fun" deni. she's easy to be friends with. these are the "nervous breakdown" deni friends. the ones who realize i'm actually crazy and selfish and insecure, just like everyone else. they see past the smile and the loud mouth. and i am so incredibly appreciative that they stick around anyway! cuz nervous breakdown deni is WORK. if you've met her in your travels, you know what i mean. and if you are still around after witnessing it - THANKS :).
It takes a long time to grow an old friend. ~John Leonard
the point i'm making is that TIME breeds all kinds of feelings. sometimes the best relationships are the new ones - they are usually more fun and exciting. they are full of what's next and when can we hang out. they are usually made over some common interest. and then often, when that common interest falters, the relationships fades a bit. its the ones that STICK after that initial honeymoon phase that really can reflect on who you are. and even on what you bring to the table, so to speak. i think the coolest thing about my oldest and dearest friends is that they are so different. from each other. and even from me in a lot of ways. but there is a core BOND that has never broken. and i hope never will.
i guess that's one of the advantages of age. you get to be sentimental and its okay. i've had 3 people say to me in the last week "i've known you over half my life"! which makes me feel REALLY OLD. but also really good. because if i've know you half your life and you are still speaking to me, i guess i'm doing ok :) the moral of the story is that no one gets to be 40 anything without making mistakes. and being a bad friend. making bad decisions or doing things you regret. but you also dont get to that age without doing some really great things. and being a good friend. you matter to the people who have stayed in your life. and probably to some new ones as well. you get to celebrate your age knowing that your life to this point is EXACTLY what you've made it. and the people you've carried with you throughout your journey love you. fun you. and neurotic you. embrace it. LOVE IT.
The most important thing is to be whatever you are without shame. - Rod Steiger
i hope you'll think about the people in your life who stick. they are the ones who make you feel good about being YOU. let those friends be your reflection when you are feeling down or doubting yourself. these people love you for all your own craziness. and that's probably the coolest thing ever.
so as a newly minted 42 year old, i'd like to give a great big shout out to my "half my life" crew. you may be little, but you ROCK!! colleen & kir, jax & kris, kb & lisa......my 20 year+ vets. i love you all!! thanks for sticking it out for so long. i hope at 62 we will have even funnier, and equally momentous memories to share! and i hope to be bringing a few more of you along for the ride :) xoxo
A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. ~Lois Wyse
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