roxy

i'm allergic to cats.  let me just start there.  which makes my story both ridiculous and ridiculously sad at the same time.  today we had to euthanize our cat, roxy.  which is awful.  as im sure that anyone who has ever had to go thru that knows.  but was especially hard for me.  and probably my husband, altho he may not admit it.  and this is why...

roxy lived in our bedroom.  her entire existence for the last several years has been spent in our yard (or various wooded areas) and my bedroom.  which is wildly weird, as i am completely allergic to her.  this is my life.

and i am just so sad about the prospect of going into my bedroom and her not being there.  when i should be at least a little happy that i no longer have to sleep with my bathroom window open.  you see, once we adopted bruno - our 3rd and chippiest dog, roxy no longer had free roam of the house.  our solution to this constant chaos was to put her in our room, close the door and open the bathroom window.  it was supposed to be a short term solution, until bruno and roxy figured it out.  they never did.  so for the last 4 years or so, my bathroom window has been open - day and night, rain or shine, hot or cold.  so the cat could come and go.  we are the biggest suckers on the planet.  but this was our reality.

over the years, we have had a couple of birds and lots of moles dragged thru that window.  which is always pretty awful. most recently, roxy dragged a baby bunny up onto the roof, into the window and plopped down in the middle of our bedroom floor.  SUPER gross.  and always an adventure.  probably one of my very favorite stories involves a BAT (yes, that kind) that ended up in the house - and the "bayer bat hunters" were born.  we have had a ridiculous amount of craziness that has ensued because of that stupid open bathroom window.   on a daily basis i would close the window for literally 10 minutes to shower, and roxy would invariably jump onto the sill and stare at me until i opened it.  she hated when i closed the window.

the other really interesting thing about roxy is that she was mostly an outdoor cat.  except she slept in our room every night.  she loved our cushy comforter and needed attention as soon as we laid down.  this is where my allergies got fun.  its almost like she knew i couldnt pick her up or my face would explode.  so she walked all over me.  i used my blanket to pet her.  and took an awful lot of benadryl.  and counted on kris to rescue me when she absolutely needed a snuggle.  we got in the habit of sending each other roxy pics.  because if she was inside, she was with one of us.  you couldnt lay down or shower or go to the bathroom without her.  it was her little world and we were just living in it.

the irony is i would say i am definitely a dog person.  we rescued roxy from a bad storm 11 years ago - she was literally climbing up our screen door while we were eating dinner.  we let her in, fed her, and she never left.  we never intentionally set out to get a cat.  it was more like she adopted us.  and i guess i always felt that way.  we were lucky that she chose us to hang out with.  and she was part of our crazy mashed up 3 boys 3 dogs and a cat family configuration.  a part of our story, as it were.

its funny the changes you make without even realizing it.  kris kept cat treats in his car, because roxy liked to great you when you pulled up.  we ended up with a litter box and a cat tree in our bathroom, along with the open window, when she started to spend more time inside.  we knew she wasnt doing great.  she got really skinny.  she hung out more.  but still, you always think you have more time. i really just wasnt prepared.

in the back of my mind, i always thought that one day i would be able to close my bathroom window.  i guess i never really put too much thought into WHY that would be.  and along with all of the other oh my god moments of our kids growing up, the passing of time hit me hard today.  josh was FIVE when roxy decided to grace us with her presence.  she has been here thru it all.  a constant presence that greeted us when we got home, and cozied up for bedtime. and im going to miss her.  she was unique.  a truly once in a lifetime pet.  i know that we will never have another cat.  or a five year old that convinces us to keep one.

time marches on.  i know that this is a natural part of life.  it doesnt make it any easier.  and im pretty sure there are plenty of people out there who think she was just a pet.  and she was.  i understand that. but she was a part of my family. and somehow she has come to represent the end of that span of time that you blink and miss.  how did 11 years pass so quickly?  i can only hope she was happy she picked us.  we were lucky she chose to pass the time with us, open window and all.  rip rox

rules of the road

jake said i should just repost the blog i wrote when he got his license.  which is pretty funny - i mean, why not just save the time.  but as i've recently noted, i am not quite the same parent i was a mere 6 years ago.  so i think new perspective is required.  after all, my BABY just got his real, big boy, drivers license!!!

which means, among other things, that i am officially OLD!  with the capital O.

when your first kid gets their license, you are a nervous wreck....that part never changes.  but, like so many other things, by the time the 3rd kid rolls around, you know SO MUCH MORE - and therefore worry exponentially.  by this time, we have seen and heard of so many teen accidents.  the heartbreaking fatal ones. the scary fender benders - and everything in between.  and while i realize that accidents happen, it just seems like NOW there are so many more challenges to staying safe on the roads.

so, into this crazy, tumultuous, distraction-filled environment, i send forth my last little boy - with these thoughts:

Err on the side of caution.  if you arent sure if you can make it, don't even try.  if you are not sure if you should stop or not, you should.  if there is even a sliver of doubt in your mind, play it safe.  driving is NOT an area where you should be a risk-taker.

One moment of patience may ward off great disaster.  One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.  ~Chinese Proverb

Better late than never. i know that being late is considered rude.  and i know your coach threatens you if you arent on time.  i know i even get mad when you keep me waiting.  and now that you are driving yourself - I DONT CARE.  it takes time to figure out how long it will take to get places.  ideally, you will leave early.  realistically, you wont.  you are a teenager.  who hasnt yet learned all of the life skills necessary to navigate around all the things life throws at you.  so until you have it all figured out, just be late.  do not try to "make up time" by driving faster - or taking chances.  just get there when you get there - in one piece.

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.  ~John Quincy Adams

Road rage is stupid.  We are an angry society.  full of people who are constantly in a hurry.  who think their time is somehow more valuable than yours.  they will honk at you, tailgate you, swerve too close, flash their lights at you - and occasionally pull up next to you to flip you off.  these people are assholes.  who are only making themselves more miserable by being mad at something they have absolutely ZERO control over.  dont be one of them.  getting mad while you are driving serves no purpose.  all you can control is your attitude.  stay calm and let the jerks go on their not so merry way.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing. ~Will Rogers

Be patient.  i know this is a tough one for you.  me too.  but all different kinds of people are out there driving.  including your grandparents.  and MINE.  there are about a zillion very old people who still meander down the road.  and there are tons of kids like you - who are learning.  everyone drives at different speeds and with large variations of caution.  if you are stuck behind a nice little old lady going 30, just be patient with her.  you will both get where you are going eventually.  and none the worse for wear.

Adopt the pace of nature:  her secret is patience.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Stay FOCUSED.  yes, im talking about your phone. but im also talking about your music, your passengers (in 5 months!) and the food i am sure you will have in your car.  It only take ONE SECOND for things to change.  for someone in front of you to slam on their brakes. for a deer or a squirrel to run out in front of you.  for someone else to be texting and driving and not see you.  it is your number one job to pay attention THE ENTIRE TIME you are driving.  there is absolutely nothing happening in your car that is more important than what is going on outside of it.  if you need to answer your phone, or change your playlist - PULL OVER.  again, i would always rather you take the extra time and be late and SAFE - than try to multitask and get hurt.  its just not worth it.

A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense. ~American Proverb

Consider the consequences.  You probably think the worst thing that can happen is for you to get in an accident.  and that is certainly a worry.  but imagine that you hurt someone else.  badly.  is there anything happening on your phone that would be worth you having to explain to someone how sorry you are that you hurt their family.  or worse.  what you do in your car has ripple effects on so many different people. your family and friends, who dont want anything to happen to you.  and those same family and friends of every single other person on the road.  even the little old lady you are stuck behind. you not only have the potential to hurt yourself - but each of them as well.  so take extra care, always.

Better a thousand times careful than once dead. ~Proverb

Driving is a huge responsibility.  You are saying to every single other person on the road that you are responsible enough to take care with your life, and with theirs.  Don't ever take that lightly.  I have all the faith in the world in you.  Take that with you every single time you get behind the wheel.  After all, you are carrying my most precious cargo with you.