Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
you may or may not have noticed the hiatus in writing. basically i just decided to spare you all the million obsessive things running thru my mind as we prepare for graduation. for those of you that have been there, you know what i mean. and for those of you who haven't, i dont want to make you dread it any more than you probably do. so its better that i just maintain some radio silence on the subject. but i dont want mothers day to go by without some kind of acknowledgement to all the amazing women i know who are on the "front lines" every day - trying to be the best they can be and to raise incredible children. its a tough job. it requires daily diligence. and often has more challenges than rewards. but its the best job going. so here is my small tribute to all the other moms out there. wrapped in the lesson that i have finally learned. and even though it took me a really, ridiculously long time - i'm so glad to say with my whole heart, i get it.
i think as women, one of our biggest faults is that we are critical. of ourselves and each other. we look at everyone else as the measuring stick of our performance. as friends, wives, sisters and especially mothers. we look at the stay at home moms who bake and go on field trips and feel like we should be doing more. we look at the working moms who are setting an example of independence and success and think we need to BE more. we look at the women who find time to go to the gym, cook dinner every night and keep their houses clean and think we need to figure out how to be more motivated.
when the absolute reality is this: we are ALL doing the best job that we can. we are ALL making the choices that we feel are best for our families and ourselves. no one sets out to be a bad mom. or a bad wife. or a bad friend. no one wants to feel inadequate or judged. yet we are all made to feel that way at certain points. whether by someone else or by ourselves. because the other truth is that we can always do or be more. ultimately finding the balance between what makes you happy and brings your family success is entirely up to you. and once you realize THAT, it gets way easier to find it.
When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another. HELEN KELLER
i've heard a lot of different things about why i was going to love being 40. you know most of it is BS. my skin is weird and my hair is gray and i have to fight way harder to look the way i want. i still have all the same crazy money struggles and life challenges i've always had. but the one thing that IS true about 40.....i'm way more appreciative than i ever could have been in my 20's or 30's. i value time. and i am a great deal more AWARE about how i spend it. i'm at a place where i realize that my parents are getting older - and wont be here forever. and where my kids are getting ready to leave me. so finding some peace about ME is essential. THAT is what has been cool about this age. and i recognize it in so many other people in my life.
i was talking to an acquaintance this week about kids and graduation and all the normal stuff. high school drama and all that goes along with it. and when i shared with her what we deal with in our house, she said "wow, i'm so glad to hear that - i thought your kids had it all together". appearances are deceiving. no one has a perfect life. there is no such thing. we all have challenges. how we choose to address them is what matters. because believe me - we ALL could use a hug now and then.
Love thy neighbor, and if it requires that you bend your understanding of the truth, the Truth will understand. ~Robert Brault
so on this mothers day eve, i want to say to all of you amazing women who are fighting the good fight every single day .... I APPRECIATE YOU. i may not agree with everything you do. i may make different choices for my kids. but it doesnt matter. I APPRECIATE YOU. because you are doing the hardest, most important job in the world. and you are doing it to the best of your ability. dont let anyone tell you any differently. dont let anyone tell you how you are choosing to do that job is not the right way. there is no right way. that's why its so easy to feel like you are making mistakes. there is no handbook for dealing with fussy babies or hormonal teenagers. there is no rulebook for how often you should volunteer at school or take your kids to the movies. this is a fly by the seat of your pants, on the job training kind of job. and it never ends. there are no vacations or time outs. you dont get time to regroup. all you can do is live each day, and make the best choices you can at any given time. dont let anyone judge you for that.
Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together. ~Pearl S. Buck
if i have one wish for all of us as we get older its that we take a little time out of our incredibly crazy lives to be a bit more thoughtful. about how our actions and words affect others. and maybe take a quick second to compliment or praise instead of criticize. its way easier to find something wrong when you compare. i'm not sure when we are taught that if someone is doing something different than we are, then one of us must be wrong. because thats just not true. here is my example. (i hope it makes you feel better) my family has rarely eaten dinner together. we havent sat down at a dinner table literally in YEARS. i know the "common thought" out there is that you have to share that time together to be a "successful" family and for years i felt guilty about that. my own family ate dinner together at our kitchen table every night. it makes my mother crazy that we dont. but we just dont. it doesnt work for us. our schedules are too crazy and its just not worth the hassle for me to try to work it out every night. my kids are honestly lucky i still feed them (but that's another story). the point is, according to all reports, i'm doing this wrong. and maybe i am. but i dont care. i used to care. i used to stress and worry that my kids would grow up to be axe murderers because we didnt eat dinner together. but you know what? i dont think they will. and i decided to define our family time differently. we have family fun days. we have movie nights. i try to make sure that we are in touch with each other on a regular basis. and that is the best i can do. and you know what? i think that its pretty damn good.
my hope for you all is that you embrace what makes you different. you celebrate what makes your family unique. and you understand that you are the very best mom in the world. because you give it your everything, every single day. that's what makes you the best. and i dont know if it matters, but i have all the admiration and respect in the world for every one of you. so take a second tomorrow and reflect. not only on how much you love your family, but on how much you have GIVEN them. stop selling yourself short. its okay to feel good about what you are doing. you deserve it.
No language can express the power, and beauty, and heroism, and majesty of a mother's love. It shrinks not where man cowers, and grows stronger where man faints, and over wastes of worldly fortunes sends the radiance of its quenchless fidelity like a star. ~Edwin Hubbell Chapin
