Sunday, March 30, 2014

look at her




this has been a very interesting little bit of time in my life.  i'm FINALLY doing work that satisfies me and yet i find myself in the position of hearing A LOT about the things that we, as women, are NOT happy about in respect to our bodies.

so this is what i've learned in the last lets say 20 years about that. women are more critical about themselves than anyone else is about them.  you can bet that there is not ONE THING that someone else could say to criticize us that we have not already thought about and probably obsessed over.  we are our own worst enemies.  no matter how much progress we make, we are ALWAYS looking at how much more there is to do.

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.  ~Confucius

and we do this about everything. we spend our lives second guessing and comparing.....and for what?  to get the approval of whom?  at the end of the day, who is it that we need to be able to look at and say "dammit, i'm great the way i am"?  its an interesting question.  because for every be happy with who you are motto and quote and self help bs you find out there, there are ten thousand other images and quotes to still make you feel like shit.  we are a competitive society.  we want the "best" for our kids and for ourselves.  but there is no "best".  its an indefinable word.  and in its inherent ambiguity, we are striving for the unattainable.  we are setting ourselves up for failure.  because at the end of the day, what's best for you and whats best for me probably arent the same thing.  and yet we are both still competing over it.

so we spend our days looking at what other people have and want and look like, and try to mimic it.  when in reality, what they have is not what is going to work for us.  we've been taught from birth that complacency is the devil.  we have to want more, do more and be MORE.  which again, makes us look around at what we are lacking.  as opposed to looking around at what we already have or done and being satisfied.  what is WRONG with us?

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere. ~Agnes Repplier

i can relate this best to body image.  because that is what i'm faced with on a daily basis.  let's face it. no 2 bodies are alike.  we are all INHERENTLY unique.  which is super cool.  and yet, somehow somewhere along the way, someone decided that beauty had a standard.  and over time that standard changed.  which in and of itself sets us up for failure, right?  it CHANGES.  so even if you finally attain the "standard" for beauty, chances are it wont be what it was when you started on your quest.  is the goal skinny?  strong? voluptuous?  is it a certain height or weight?  and who decides?  do you see where im going with this??  we have to stop comparing ourselves to other people.  period.  which is really ridiculously hard to do.  i know. but it's imperative.  because otherwise, we never get to happy.  i'm not saying you shouldn't have goals.  you should. but they should be YOURS.

every single day in the gym and in my studio, i watch people work their asses off to get better. which is awesome.  i love it.  sincerely.  i love every second of it.  BUT, (and this is a big BUT) i also see how we beat ourselves up.  because look at her.  and her.  and her.  i know i've made a lot of progress but LOOK AT HER.  can we please STOP looking at HER.  SHE is looking at someone else.  believe me.  THERE IS NO PERFECT HER.  what i think is attractive and what you think is attractive are probably completely different.  you will always be too fat, or too skinny, or too muscular, or too flabby for SOMEONE.  but for someone else, you just might be perfect.  do i think we need to be concerned about our health?  yup.  do  i think you need to exercise?  absolutely.  do i care if you can bench press your weight?  nope.  but what do you care what i think anyway?  because even if I think you are absolutely perfect, you can bet the girl one bench or treadmill over is still critiquing you.  YOU HAVE TO LET IT GO!

Grace is within you. If it were external, it would be useless. ~Ramana Maharshi

why should you try to improve yourself?  because YOU want to.  because you want to be healthy for your kids or your spouse.  because you want to compete at a certain level. because you're fighting a losing battle with age and metabolism.  or you want to kick ass in a bikini.  it doesnt matter why.  it only matters that the REASON is YOURS.  and that you measure your progress by YOU.  not society.  not tv.  definitely not victoria's secret.  just YOU.  how do you YOU feel?  if you feel great, then EFF everyone else.  seriously.

we can do this.  we really can.  its time to stop the madness, people.  embrace your gifts. whatever they happen to be.  because we ALL have gifts.  its time to put a little more focus on what you ARE, and less on what you are NOT.